thomas11

I need to tweak my plan and I am definitely open to suggestions. I have had some drinking thoughts dancing in my head the last couple weekends. I think I know the source of this, I have gotten my life straightened out and the AV wants its reward. I've got my physical health back, I'm working, my house is mine, and the finances are square. This was ALL in shambles in summer of 2015. I do not have a plan written out, I've stayed the course by following my approach to a wholesale lifestyle change. Basically "live responsibly, be true to thine self, and be kind to others".

My main question is how do I change my thought process that relaxing with poison is a reward? Cognitively I know its ridiculous, but I'm an alcoholic and its wants what it wants.

tomls

Don't you have some really bad memories of when you were drinking and couldn't stop? How much you hated your situation? How hard the first couple of months were when you finally made the move and straightened up? That is what goes through my head when I have any brief thoughts about drinking.

tomsteve

good on ya,thomas, for recognizing the problem.
i read a lot has straightened out for ya through a lot of work, but i dont read anything about the mental and emotional part. have you done any work at straightening out the mental and emotional stuff?

something you could do is remeber your last drunk. then what would happen iffen you were to drink. prolly something like

i have gotten my life back into a mess.
my doctor says im in worse condition than ever
i was fired from my job
my house is falling apart
im in debt out the yingyang

when i have the thought of drinking come up, which it still does from time to time, i recognize it for what it is- and insane thought.
im very glad i didnt completely destroy my memory and remeber where i came from
then turn my attention to something more useful

Calicofish

When the thought of drinking crosses my mind I repeat my big plan - "I am never drinking again, and I will never change my mind, no matter what."

There's no quibbling there - the no matter what - is what makes it effective.

CF

Arbor

Hey, Thomas. Sounds like maybe you need to get reconnected with your recovery. Maybe this time make a plan. Do something different to stir it up. Have you ever hit up a meeting somewhere? They can do wonders, my friend!

Remember why your here in the first place. Drinking is no reward.

AnvilheadII

do you remember HOW you plowed head on into the "shambles"?

we don't reward sobriety by drinking. you know this. yes things have been turning around - why screw it up NOW? remember that as much as we often dread failure, we can often start get super sketchy with any type of success. it's that darn EGO.

there is NO good reason to drink, ever. lots of lousy excuses, even some that sound ALMOST reasonable.

i mean seriously, do we REALLY need to turn the power OFF to install new a new light fixture if we are CAREFUL??

is the gas station REALLY going to blow up if we have a lit cigarette while gassing up?

does EVERYONE who jumps out of a perfectly good airplane without a parachute die on impact?

Fly N Buy

This too shall pass.....either way.
Ism not Was-ism

We've been given an opportunity, a choice - nothing more. I drank more when things were good than bad. I am prepared for the best that is yet to come I believe.

Good day or bad, house or none, job or none. Either way I am an alcoholic. And that voice people here like to chat about - it isn't real. Stop it.

Mattq2

Thomas, those thoughts still cross my mind now and again. I always assumed they would always been there. I can tell you that I thought about drinking the first time I was sober for seven years.

I don't think those thoughts are are a big deal my friend. It just means it's time to reflect on all your great accomplishments and realize that drinking is something that's not an option. I have faith in you my friend. You will pull through friend. Your doing great.

Dee74

I'm an alcoholic too but I don't drink anymore.
Stop listening to the voice and engaging it in dialogue, Jeff.

If it was telling you you deserve a reward of the crack pipe or heroin, would you listen?

I think the only reason your AV still has any power is you're still providing it with an audience.

You're not the same Jeff of a few years back. That voice has nothing of value.

If you feel you deserve a reward, reward yourself with something good and positive - something that adds to your life, not something that will take it away.

SimplyFree

All I have to remember is my first 30 days. I never want to do that again. Doing another day 1 would be a nightmare for sure. Treasuring each morning when you wake up feeling good.....that solves those silly urges too! Drinking is off the table, I'm not going back!

PhoenixJ

How? You said cognitively.....
THAT is how I am growing toward the person I could have been with a natural default- CBT and a psychologist.

thomas11

Thanks all. I know the best defense against the AV is to not engage the monster, not to entertain the thoughts. Doing so just leaves the door open to negotiation. I know this but I sometimes need to reach out so you guys can reaffirm it. I really don't want to go back to being a drunk who's life is in chaos.

Surrender2win

Great job coming here and talking about it first... that is something I have to work on BEFORE I give in to the monster. You're doing a fine job.

tealily

I found this to be true. It sounds so simple, but it really does work this way. You are the one going out and buying the alcohol and pouring it into your body, not that AV. It's just a brain chemistry trick. You have to go through some discomfort for a while when it's still popping up, but you are stronger than it is, or should be.

What kind of life do you want? An endless round of misery, regret, ill health? Or something better?

Choose better.

You're not denying yourself alcohol. You are choosing health, happiness, pride, energy, self-esteem, serenity, a better life, everything good. It's an easy answer.

You are worth more, deserve more.

I am a mom of teenagers. One of the perennial lessons you try to teach kids is how to do what they know is right (and safe, and healthy) and not give in to peer pressure to do something stupid. It's like that with the AV. Don't be a weak kid giving in to peer pressure.

MLD51

Great comments here. For me, if any thoughts of drinking come up, I look over my life now, compared to what it was, very objectively. It only takes a few seconds for me to come to the obvious conclusion that NOW is better than THEN. So it's just applying logic. I find that's the quickest way to make that little voice shut up. It's not logical to drink to reward yourself for not drinking. And knowing that it would almost certainly get me right back where I was - NO THANKS.

dwtbd

One of the last things I expect to ever hear " That dwtbd, talk about a spiritual person.." lol .
But I will say hanging around this neighborhood I've been exposed to some spiritualness that my innate empiricism used to scoff at( growth? lol).
I like some zen-lite , Buddhism 101 ideas , they seem to resonate, especially the ideas around 'desire' , how to see it and what if any reactions we can proactively take.
For me I understand and have become comfortable with the idea that the desire for alcohol( the Beast) will always be and that from time to time IT will 'speak' to me through the AV ( any doubt of my resolve to remain abstinent, or idea of future drinking).
Just letting those thoughts be , acknowledging them, but not confronting them and not seeing them as threats has given me a lot of peace of mind.

2ndhandrose

Part of my plan consists of a loud, resounding, carved in stone NO, if my av so much as whimpers

I don't engage for even one second. I don't drink, period, ever. For any reason.

You are in it to win it, Jeff

LastingChange

First of all, huge congratulations on the major accomplishment of turning your life around and getting your affairs in order.

The AV is sneaky and it can creep back in after you think you've finally shaken its grip. The advice I would offer is to remember how awful those first few days were, how challenging the first few months were and how you grappled with those challenges to get to where you are now, and how much you would have given then to be where you are now. Now you are in that place, fight for your right to stay there!

Do not let the AV persuade you to let all of it fall by the wayside and dissolve your life into disarray again - because that is exactly what will happen.

Focus on all of the wonderful aspects of sobriety that you enjoy now, and maybe treat yourself a little to some sober activities that you normally save for special occasions, as a reward to distract from the AV - something small such as ordering a pizza, going to a movie or buying a new item of clothes, or something bigger such as planning a trip away.

Stay strong, you've got this! The AV's poison is temporary, and once you distract yourself from its promises and seductions, it will fade away again :-)

Delizadee

Do you practice gratitude? Thinking of what you're grateful today or writing down a short list. I like long lists written down. Makes me really see all I have and how far I've come.

Also like Marty said remembering where that brought you in the past, be it a quick mindful process or a written one and being really honest about it. Change your focus and don't lie to yourself. Write it down if you need to to reinforce it.

Also, I'd figure out a list of other ways to reward yourself.

What do you like to do that feels like an indulgence? Go for a massage? Go see a movie? Play some video games for hours? Buy yourself something you've really wanted for a long time? Go on a romantic date?

I understand the reward struggle. I just do stuff and let go of the guilt, if I can rationally tell myself it is healthy and I am at a place where I can ENJOY what I feel the urge to do and not obsess over my to-do list. I can just have some fun.

What about picking up a hobby, trying out something new? Write, paint, draw, play some ultimate frisbee or flag football or slo pitch or whatever you can come up with. Put yourself out there. There is SO many fun things to do that we forget about when we are used to letting our minds get overrun by our drinking.

CreativeThinker

Replace the good feelings (rewards) you got from drinking with a healthy reward: running, biking, hiking...