Advice needed- our daughter is a drug addict
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Join Date: Jul 2017
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Advice needed- our daughter is a drug addict
Our daughter is 43 and has been addicted to different types of drugs. She has been addicted for 9 years. Lost her marriage, friends and family. She steals, and lies about everything. She rents a room from our son in his house. We want her to go to treatment, but she says she's not using. My husband and I are retired and live in our motorhome. Her siblings are 5 brothers. I can't even put into writing what I am feeling. She loses jobs the first week of every month. Been picked up for substance in her vehicle, but gets out of it somehow. She is paying on fines now and doing community service. She has excuses for everything. I have asked her to please go in for treatment. She says she doesn't need it! She was in the hospital a month ago and doctor told me over the phone that her kidneys are failing she has poor eating habits! He said by this time next year she will either be dead or on a kidney dialysis machine. What do I do? Our son wants to kick her out of the house but we are afraid she will commit suicide. My husband and I are Christians and the Lord is the only thing that has gotten be through this. I am afraid the next call I get will be that she's dead. I have wanted to write her a letter telling her how I am feeling, but what would I say?
Last edited by ljanich; 07-30-2017 at 12:34 PM. Reason: Change title
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
Addictions are heartbreaking especially for parents and those close to the addict. Certainly you can get a counselor or treatment center to possibly do an intervention, but even so treatment only works if she is ready. I'm sorry she is breaking your heart and I know you have been praying for her for years.
Whatever she chooses and whatever happens in the future know that this was her choices, you weren't bad parents, and blaming yourselves isn't accurate. Since she is an adult, and since she hasn't gotten into enough trouble to get court ordered to something, the options I know of are limited. Trying an intervention like I mentioned above, having her sibling attach treatment or counseling as a condition to staying in his house...or she could move out. There is no magical formula for getting clean other than the addict deciding they have had enough. I'm sorry for your pain, remember your healthy children need and desire your time, affection and praise too. It's easy to spend all your time trying to fix someone who isn't ready for help and forget all the good the Lord has given you. You have much to give praise for and some tears to share with Him also.
You have my prayers and empathy.
Whatever she chooses and whatever happens in the future know that this was her choices, you weren't bad parents, and blaming yourselves isn't accurate. Since she is an adult, and since she hasn't gotten into enough trouble to get court ordered to something, the options I know of are limited. Trying an intervention like I mentioned above, having her sibling attach treatment or counseling as a condition to staying in his house...or she could move out. There is no magical formula for getting clean other than the addict deciding they have had enough. I'm sorry for your pain, remember your healthy children need and desire your time, affection and praise too. It's easy to spend all your time trying to fix someone who isn't ready for help and forget all the good the Lord has given you. You have much to give praise for and some tears to share with Him also.
You have my prayers and empathy.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Albany, NY
Posts: 75
Originally Posted by ljanich 
Our daughter is 43 and has been addicted to different types of drugs. She has been addicted for 9 years. Lost her marriage, friends and family. She steals, and lies about everything. She rents a room from our son in his house. We want her to go to treatment, but she says she's not using. My husband and I are retired and live in our motorhome. Her siblings are 5 brothers. I can't even put into writing what I am feeling. She loses jobs the first week of every month. Been picked up for substance in her vehicle, but gets out of it somehow. She is paying on fines now and doing community service. She has excuses for everything. I have asked her to please go in for treatment. She says she doesn't need it! She was in the hospital a month ago and doctor told me over the phone that her kidneys are failing she has poor eating habits! He said by this time next year she will either be dead or on a kidney dialysis machine. What do I do? Our son wants to kick her out of the house but we are afraid she will commit suicide. My husband and I are Christians and the Lord is the only thing that has gotten be through this. I am afraid the next call I get will be that she's dead. I have wanted to write her a letter telling her how I am feeling, but what would I say?
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
Welcome to SR ljanich. There is a ton of great support here. My heart goes out to you as a Mom of 4 myself.
Here is a part of the forums that might be helpful to you:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Here is a part of the forums that might be helpful to you:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Hi and welcome ljanich.
I'm really sorry to read what brings you here, but I promise there's support and understanding here.
Have you ever thought of going to something like AlAnon or NarAnon for more support?
I'm really sorry to read what brings you here, but I promise there's support and understanding here.
Have you ever thought of going to something like AlAnon or NarAnon for more support?
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