When did you surrender?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: LI, NY
Posts: 982
When did you surrender?
Hey everybody, I finally made a serious effort at sobriety. Overall I'm doing well at about 14 weeks now. I'm currently on vacation and am constantly bickering with my wife and feel like the writing is on the wall that our relationship isn't working. So that's a trigger and I remember HALTS (the S is STRESS for me). I was just reading my plan which includes a lot of meaningful quotes from SR members. This is one of them-
I couldn't stop until I finally admitted defeat. Alcohol had kicked my ass for so many years, that I just had to totally surrender any thoughts of ever drinking again. That's when my true recovery began.
I read a lot about closing the door forever which I haven't done in my mind. That being said, I don't plan to drink and know that attempting moderation is a slippery slope. I focus on not drinking today, just which I could embrace "forever." So I'm curious, when did you surrender and how important is it to long term sobriety?
I couldn't stop until I finally admitted defeat. Alcohol had kicked my ass for so many years, that I just had to totally surrender any thoughts of ever drinking again. That's when my true recovery began.
I read a lot about closing the door forever which I haven't done in my mind. That being said, I don't plan to drink and know that attempting moderation is a slippery slope. I focus on not drinking today, just which I could embrace "forever." So I'm curious, when did you surrender and how important is it to long term sobriety?
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
By surrender I'm thinking being able to accept that my drinking days were behind me. That happened right around 6 months sober for me. I think it took me that long because I was going through a grief process grieving the old me, the old life...The day I stopped drinking I did it out of fear. I finally became aware of my self talk about drinking and I was horrified to realize I didn't care about anything but alcohol. I wasn't able to see that before that day. I was so scared I was willing to do anything to stop what was coming that way. That anything included never putting alcohol in my body again.
I agree the day I accepted that I was never going to drink again my real recovery began. Up until that point I had been expending my energy just trying to avoid the land mines of triggers. After my acceptance I started to take a look at my life and myself and work it out.
I agree the day I accepted that I was never going to drink again my real recovery began. Up until that point I had been expending my energy just trying to avoid the land mines of triggers. After my acceptance I started to take a look at my life and myself and work it out.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
When I made it to one year and saw all the objective improvements which had happened because I was in my right mind - I realized I should never drink again and that it was a happy thing.
Up til that point it was always "today, no matter what happens, I will not drink."
I still dont think there is anything wrong with saying/thinking that every day.
Up til that point it was always "today, no matter what happens, I will not drink."
I still dont think there is anything wrong with saying/thinking that every day.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
I came to a point where I realised that alcohol was no longer masking my mental health issues and that if I was to carry on then well to be blunt I think I would have hung myself........can NEVER go back to the booze and I have surrendered to that 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i havent embraced forever either. in fact, i never said i quit. never said i will never drink again. i did those about 12494 times and drank again.
im just not drinking today and have managed to do that for a few 24 hrs.
as for when i surrendered, that occured the day after my last drunk.having passed in from another rip snorting blackout drunk and having my ( by then ex) fiance tell me some of what i had done and said the day/night before, then tossin me to the curb,
the pain of getting drunk had finally exceeded the pain of reality and i was given the gift of desperation.
and i surrendered.
im just not drinking today and have managed to do that for a few 24 hrs.
as for when i surrendered, that occured the day after my last drunk.having passed in from another rip snorting blackout drunk and having my ( by then ex) fiance tell me some of what i had done and said the day/night before, then tossin me to the curb,
the pain of getting drunk had finally exceeded the pain of reality and i was given the gift of desperation.
and i surrendered.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
When I became aware I was physically and mentally addicted.
I didn't know about the long long long term mental healing required to change my way of thinking.
My whole being was riddled w drinking. When I eliminated the booze my world felt way off.
At 80 days clean I thought I was going insane. SR saved me.
I didn't know about the long long long term mental healing required to change my way of thinking.
My whole being was riddled w drinking. When I eliminated the booze my world felt way off.
At 80 days clean I thought I was going insane. SR saved me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: LI, NY
Posts: 982
Thank you all so much for your excellent and insightful responses.
Maybe I haven't surrendered yet because I was a relatively high functioning drinker and didn't have major negative ramifications. Ah, BS- I became an overweight isolated drinker who wasn't living up to my potential. I wasn't truly living period, so that is major. Maybe it will be tomorrow, or at six months or a year...time will tell
Life is good. I will not drink today and I will not get complacent.
Maybe I haven't surrendered yet because I was a relatively high functioning drinker and didn't have major negative ramifications. Ah, BS- I became an overweight isolated drinker who wasn't living up to my potential. I wasn't truly living period, so that is major. Maybe it will be tomorrow, or at six months or a year...time will tell
Life is good. I will not drink today and I will not get complacent.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I knew the booze had me beat some time before I was able to stop. I suppose there was a form of surrender in knowing I couldn't keep on with life as I had been living it, and seeing the truth that the booze was the major factor. But just saying to king alcohol, ok I surrender, I am not fighting anymore, really is only a partial surrender.
The rest of the picture had to do with giving up my effort to live by self will. Restless, irritable, discontent, when I was sober. Always in conflict with those around me. I just could not get on with people. They were always letting me down, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get them organized to see things my way.
That was my real surrender. Admitting I have made a crap job of trying to run the show. Giving up trying, and letting a new manager take over. With my new employer, I found direction and purpose, an ability at least some of the time to live in harmony with those around me. But like all surrenders, there was a process to be gone through before the power began to flow. The result was the removal of the drink problem almost from day one.
The rest of the picture had to do with giving up my effort to live by self will. Restless, irritable, discontent, when I was sober. Always in conflict with those around me. I just could not get on with people. They were always letting me down, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get them organized to see things my way.
That was my real surrender. Admitting I have made a crap job of trying to run the show. Giving up trying, and letting a new manager take over. With my new employer, I found direction and purpose, an ability at least some of the time to live in harmony with those around me. But like all surrenders, there was a process to be gone through before the power began to flow. The result was the removal of the drink problem almost from day one.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 115
2 days ago. I was 8 days sober, I finally realised, it finally clicked that if I drink, I cannot be in control of my mind. And my mind has a lot of dark things kept there from over the years. I drink, and those demons come out to play and I become chaos to be around. ive tried to deal with it over the years, I have a stint therapy and then I have to take a break legally (uk nhs legislation), and then slowly the back cloud creeps back in and I start all over again. There has been a certain peace at surrending, I'm not fighting anything anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 132
I think, for me, I surrendered 52 days ago, the night I threw my drugs and all my alcohol away. That night I surrendered to the fact that my life was out of control, that I needed help, that I wanted, more than anything in my life, to have a sober life and everything that was required to obtain that.
I surrendered myself and gave up my control over my drinking and drugging.
I may, at some point, come to the realization that perhaps that wasn't the moment, but for now, I feel that is when I really surrendered my will.
I surrendered myself and gave up my control over my drinking and drugging.
I may, at some point, come to the realization that perhaps that wasn't the moment, but for now, I feel that is when I really surrendered my will.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
The last night I drank was a "planned" last night. At the end of the evening, I still had a 1/2 bottle of vodka left. I had to have a drunken conversation with myself about what to do with it. I knew that if I kept it I would only be going halfway into my new life.
If I was really serious about getting sober, I had to get rid of it.
As I poured it down the drain, (and 2 1/2 years on I still remember the moment), I felt an internal shift and I knew I was done.
If I was really serious about getting sober, I had to get rid of it.
As I poured it down the drain, (and 2 1/2 years on I still remember the moment), I felt an internal shift and I knew I was done.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by silentrun 
By surrender I'm thinking being able to accept that my drinking days were behind me. That happened right around 6 months sober for me. I think it took me that long because I was going through a grief process grieving the old me, the old life...The day I stopped drinking I did it out of fear. I finally became aware of my self talk about drinking and I was horrified to realize I didn't care about anything but alcohol. I wasn't able to see that before that day. I was so scared I was willing to do anything to stop what was coming that way. That anything included never putting alcohol in my body again.
I agree the day I accepted that I was never going to drink again my real recovery began. Up until that point I had been expending my energy just trying to avoid the land mines of triggers. After my acceptance I started to take a look at my life and myself and work it out.
I agree the day I accepted that I was never going to drink again my real recovery began. Up until that point I had been expending my energy just trying to avoid the land mines of triggers. After my acceptance I started to take a look at my life and myself and work it out.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,597
Probably within the first hour or two of discovering SR. I spent two or three days just reading posts, and when I did, everything clicked for me. I saw I wasn't alone. I saw that I didn't have to be ashamed, . . that lots of people had fallen into the alcohol trap. Most importantly, I saw that there was a way out and that there 's not rule that says you have to drink. I get an almost perverse pleasure in refusing booze now.
I'm on vacation with Mrs. Tiles in Cabo right now, and this place is crazy as usual with drinking. We feel like we're the only sober people here, but if you look around, you'll see lots of people who aren't drinking, and we're the ones who have the most fun.
I'm on vacation with Mrs. Tiles in Cabo right now, and this place is crazy as usual with drinking. We feel like we're the only sober people here, but if you look around, you'll see lots of people who aren't drinking, and we're the ones who have the most fun.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,597
Originally Posted by 2ndhandrose
The last night I drank was a "planned" last night. At the end of the evening, I still had a 1/2 bottle of vodka left. I had to have a drunken conversation with myself about what to do with it. I knew that if I kept it I would only be going halfway into my new life.
If I was really serious about getting sober, I had to get rid of it.
As I poured it down the drain, (and 2 1/2 years on I still remember the moment), I felt an internal shift and I knew I was done.
If I was really serious about getting sober, I had to get rid of it.
As I poured it down the drain, (and 2 1/2 years on I still remember the moment), I felt an internal shift and I knew I was done.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Albany, NY
Posts: 75
The day that I finally realized that I had to go my whole life without taking another drink.
I can never drink and I'm ok with that. I am grateful for that and ever day I become more and more in love with my sober life.
I can never drink and I'm ok with that. I am grateful for that and ever day I become more and more in love with my sober life.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by Outonthetiles
I don't even remember my last beer. There was no big celebrations, I didn't save the can or bottle, no selfies with me and my last drink. I just didn't my usually 12 pack on the way home from work that day, and put one day together, then another, then another . . . until I had a year. then a year and a half....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: LI, NY
Posts: 982
I appreciate the different insights and perspectives, thank you.
My wife called it a night and I'm sitting in the hotel by Niagra Falls listening to a great band. $2 seltzer/cranberry is much better than multiple $8 beers. It really is such freedom to not think about drinking.
My wife called it a night and I'm sitting in the hotel by Niagra Falls listening to a great band. $2 seltzer/cranberry is much better than multiple $8 beers. It really is such freedom to not think about drinking.
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