Estranged from my addicted husband
 

It's been over two months since I last saw my husband. I left to get sober and he shut me out of his life.

I'm just wandering if this happened to anyone else when they became sober. I want to rationalize him shutting me out, but I know from being an addict myself there no rationalizing anything we do while using. Trying to rationalize is driving me up a wall.

I feel like I'm in limbo with my marriage. The silence hurts and reaching out with no response and no explanation why is worse than hearing they don't want to be with you.

How do you put something like a marriage behind you when you have no closure and they refuse to see you or speak to you? How do you keep moving forward knowing you may never understand the reasons for it? How do people wake up and not think about how much it hurts?

I'm sorry you're going through this. Though I'm far from qualified to advise you, I hope you'll stay sober for your own sake.

Hi Giraffegirl,

I can relate to your pain. My recovering AW (10 weeks in) - I was an enabler and became codependent - and I whilst still under the same roof are sleeping in separate rooms. I am there to support my kids and my wife's recovery given the events of past two years (see my previous blogs) with no mind to the future.

It is so hard to think someone you loved may not be next to you in the future but it is your husbands journey and given the obviously difficult period you have been through you need to find strength to focus on you.

You are not alone on SR and we are all battling our demons of the past. Try not to think too far ahead, seek happiness in small "in the now moments" and most importantly what has helped me is to connect to others - a smile 😀, a kind word or listening in all encounters no matter how brief.

Take care and be kind to yourself

Gir,

Glad you are here and not drinking. I can relate to loved ones not wanting to quit. Not a spouse, but my blood family. Mom, Dad, and sibs all still drink and drug.

I am making a new sober life with or without them. My sobriety is my top concern. I don't want to die being a drunk.

I am not going to say move on, I will say move forward. If that entails living single for a while or dating.

We all know addicts quit when they are ready, not when they are asked/told to.

I know what being alone feels like. I dated off and on until I got married at 37. Even now, me and my wife don't sleep in the same room because we work opposite shifts.

Stay clean and try to not lose another sober minute to sadness. I know it is easier said then done. I obsess often, but I try to stay analytical to defeat it.

Thanks.

Im sorry ur going through this, sounds really tough, but feel proud of urself for not going back on ur sobriety.
I guess time will tell with ur marriage but as u know, right now u have to focus on u

We all dream of wonderful things when we get married. Today I'm here for the kids. I was the alcoholic, I got there because that is how I chose to medicate the disappointment of my marriage. I'm sober, she doesnt drink much, but our relationship is connected by kids and the checkbook not the heart. Separation might not be all bad even though it is painful now. How long before his using creates anger, resentment, bitterness and then wasted years. Silence and continued use are very loud speakers on his intent.

The most important thing to keep in mind is your sobriety and a peaceful life that can be lived.

We can only save ourselves and our own hearts.

If intoxicants are more important to your husband than a healthy marriage and a healthy life, then work towards letting go of the bad and reach for all the good. You are not meant to suffer in this way. You have choices. Choose health. Choose stability. Choose self love.