My first post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 626
My first post
Hi everyone, this is my first time posting here, though I have lurked and read as a non member now and again. I woke up on Tuesday morning after yet another birthday spent drinking far too much wine. I felt awful, physically and mentally and as you can imagine one of the main thoughts going through my head was 'I never want to feel this way again, ever.' And I don't, I really don't. The anxiety, the shakes, the nausea, you know the feeling. It's unlike anything else in the world and it's even more horrible because you know you did this to yourself. As the day went on and that mantra kept going through my head 'I never want to feel this way again', another thought came to me, stunning in it's simplicity. 'I never have to.'.
Now I know it's not as simple as recognising that they only way never to feel that way is not to drink, at all, ever and that's why I am here. I quit drinking last year for three months and felt amazing for it but it didn't last because I had no support, no plan. I stupidly thought I could do it alone. So today I signed up for here to seek that support. I also signed up for Smart Recovery and although the meetings in my area are few, they do have online meetings as well.
So here I am. I have had no alcohol since Monday and the fog is starting to lift. I know from experience that the fourth and fifth days when the physical and mental symptoms are dissipating is when the old 'I could just have a few' thoughts start to creep in. I can't just have 'a few'. I can't have any because if I do, I will inevetably feel the way I never want to feel again! Thank you for reading, wish me strength
Now I know it's not as simple as recognising that they only way never to feel that way is not to drink, at all, ever and that's why I am here. I quit drinking last year for three months and felt amazing for it but it didn't last because I had no support, no plan. I stupidly thought I could do it alone. So today I signed up for here to seek that support. I also signed up for Smart Recovery and although the meetings in my area are few, they do have online meetings as well.
So here I am. I have had no alcohol since Monday and the fog is starting to lift. I know from experience that the fourth and fifth days when the physical and mental symptoms are dissipating is when the old 'I could just have a few' thoughts start to creep in. I can't just have 'a few'. I can't have any because if I do, I will inevetably feel the way I never want to feel again! Thank you for reading, wish me strength
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Welcome, Lily! Hanging out on SR at rough moments can help...even just to pass the time and get past a craving.
There is a great "weekender" thread that runs every week...gets a new start every Thursday and available all through the weekend. There are daily support threads and monthly "Class of..." threads. Point is, there are usually a few active threads 24/7... Just look around if your favorites seems too quiet. Or post a new thread just as you've done with this one.
One thing I've learned, and as you have noticed...SR people want to help!
There is a great "weekender" thread that runs every week...gets a new start every Thursday and available all through the weekend. There are daily support threads and monthly "Class of..." threads. Point is, there are usually a few active threads 24/7... Just look around if your favorites seems too quiet. Or post a new thread just as you've done with this one.
One thing I've learned, and as you have noticed...SR people want to help!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Lily, welcome to the group.
Introducing myself here and becoming part of this community has made the difference for me, and it can for you too. There's something about putting your problem in words, reading others' stories, having them understand and reach out to help you, and then in helping others, that reinforces the change you want to make in your life.
It helped me turn a corner. You don't have to wake up with those regrets anymore. Life can be so much better.
Keep reading, posting and we hope you will stick around!
Introducing myself here and becoming part of this community has made the difference for me, and it can for you too. There's something about putting your problem in words, reading others' stories, having them understand and reach out to help you, and then in helping others, that reinforces the change you want to make in your life.
It helped me turn a corner. You don't have to wake up with those regrets anymore. Life can be so much better.
Keep reading, posting and we hope you will stick around!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 626
Thanks so much for your encouragement everyone. I have had issues logging in, hope that's it fixed now. Looking forward to exploring the suggested threads etc over my SOBER weekend! Thanks again 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Welcome, lily! You are doing a wonderful thing for yourself. Having a plan for sobriety was key for me as well as sticking around here, learning and receiving excellent advice. I wish you all the best in your sober journey.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Welcome to SR Lily! You will find lots of support here. Another great thread is the 24 hour thread, you will find a wonderful group of people there, and you can check in and make a commitment to remain sober each day.
Looking forward to seeing you on SR!!
Looking forward to seeing you on SR!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 626
10 months, 1 day and 20 hours
This was the first and only thread I started here, as it says above that was just over 10 months ago. I just wanted to post an update, especially for those who responded here. I am still sober. I really had just had enough when I posted this. I could not take any more of alcohol literally kicking me to death so I stopped. I had many failed attempts before this, but looking back, my heart wasn’t really in it, I don’t think I was ever fully committed till now. Has it been easy? Sometimes. In fact if I am honest, most of the time. But when it’s hard it’s really hard and I have to remind myself that I am not actually losing anything at all except poison and what it does to my mind and body.
I am posting this for people who think they will never be able to stop. Please don’t give up trying. Every time in the past when I fell down, I learned something. I read and learned from others. I read about AA, I don’t go to meetings but I learned. I joined SMART online, and learned something different. I read and learned about rational recovery and AVRT. Everything helps and somehow for me anyway it all just clicked in my head that this time would be different, and it is. Most of all though, I think I was just done with it all. Decades of it and it takes a toll.
My new sober life is overall a joyful journey of discovery. I was lucky to become a grandmother a wee while before I stopped, that was a real incentive too. My infant grandson is the greatest coach in how to rediscover the simplest pleasures and joy in life. The sky! A dandelion! A toy that makes funny noises! I could go on.
There are still dark times of course, but the light comes in a lot easier and a lot brighter without the blight of drinking. Don’t give up trying, don’t ever give up. And I have to say thanks to everyone on this site, all of you for your honesty and for getting it. What did I do here? Not much. I post in the 24 hour thread and in my wonderful class of August 2017, I always mean to post in the gratitude thread but forget mostly, but I am so grateful for so many things. Thank you SR and everyone here for the huge part you have played in helping me when I most needed it.
I am posting this for people who think they will never be able to stop. Please don’t give up trying. Every time in the past when I fell down, I learned something. I read and learned from others. I read about AA, I don’t go to meetings but I learned. I joined SMART online, and learned something different. I read and learned about rational recovery and AVRT. Everything helps and somehow for me anyway it all just clicked in my head that this time would be different, and it is. Most of all though, I think I was just done with it all. Decades of it and it takes a toll.
My new sober life is overall a joyful journey of discovery. I was lucky to become a grandmother a wee while before I stopped, that was a real incentive too. My infant grandson is the greatest coach in how to rediscover the simplest pleasures and joy in life. The sky! A dandelion! A toy that makes funny noises! I could go on.
There are still dark times of course, but the light comes in a lot easier and a lot brighter without the blight of drinking. Don’t give up trying, don’t ever give up. And I have to say thanks to everyone on this site, all of you for your honesty and for getting it. What did I do here? Not much. I post in the 24 hour thread and in my wonderful class of August 2017, I always mean to post in the gratitude thread but forget mostly, but I am so grateful for so many things. Thank you SR and everyone here for the huge part you have played in helping me when I most needed it.
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