Peppermintea

I'm 27 days sober and have so far not struggled much with cravings. I have had them but they haven't been that difficult to cope with or lasted that long.

But events today have triggered full on cravings. I've had mental health problems 20 + years. I've never been given a proper diagnosis as drinking has blurred/masked/influenced my symptoms.

Now that I have been sober for a month they are able to see my symptoms more clearly. They have suggested a possible diagnosis. It carries alot of stigma and I am petrified of the stigma. Its making me want to drink. At the same time, I know that if I start drinking heavily again, this will further delay my diagnosis and treatment. I'm just so scared of being diagnosed with this condition. I think I probably do have the condition they are suggesting I know the stigma is real (I work in healthcare myself and hear it all the time).

I've had chronic anxiety for months but now my anxiety levels are through the roof. My body and mind know that alcohol could give me a break....some (temporary) relief that I desperately crave.

Please help.

Peppermintea

I feel so bad. I don't know what to do with myself. The anxiety is out of control. And I can't calm it with alcohol. I can't focus on doing anything calming to help myself. I need help

Mummyto2

Sorry to hear your having a hard time, could you get yourself to an AA meeting perhaps, the AV shouts loud and we have to be louder, drinking will make it ten times worse for you, have you someone you could call to come and try and take your mind off of it for a while, sorry I couldn't be much help, wishing you all the best

Anna

I'm sorry you are going through this. Early recovery is full of change, and it's not always easy. Sometimes it's very scary. You know that you will be better off to stay sober and deal with the mental health issue. I do understand stigma, but is there any reason you would need to tell people about this diagnosis?

Peppermintea

Thanks mummyto2. You are a help. Thank you for replying. It helps to know someone is listening. I will look and see if there are any AA meetings near me tonight. I might be safer staying indoors though. If I go out I might go into the shop. This anxiety is terrible. This is what I have been suppressing with alcohol.

Mummyto2

When I get Anxious, the only thing that works for me is I put on a favourite film etc and glue myself to the tv, I take in every word there saying whilst breathing and sipping water, I wish you well, you can do this

Peppermintea

It will be on my medical records and I know doctors and nurses will treat me differently when they see it there in the future. I could be over-thinking this though...catastrophising maybe.

Peppermintea

Thanks Mummy2. I have got a couple of DVDs here. I've got 'The Girl on the Train'. I bought it this afternoon for that very purpose....I've just been panicking too much about everything to put it on and it's got to a petrifiying out of control state. I hate anxiety so much. It is no wonder that people with anxiety become alcoholics. But I know I need to stay off the booze and tolerate the anxiety until I get proper treatment....which might take a while. Don't know how i'm going to cope.

It is a personality disorder that I am probably going to be diagnosed with. I'm so scared.

I will try and put the film on. I've got chocolate ice-cream in the freezer. I will get some of that aswell.

Mummyto2

Girl on the train is fantastic, and choc ice cream yummmmmm

Mummyto2

I copied I have vanilla ice cream and watching dirty dancing

tealily

Peppermintea,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. 27 days is great, and I know you know that you will be in a much better place for getting a diagnosis and treatment if you don't drink than if you do!

I'm a chronic worrier, with anxiety and depression.. I've realized that alcohol only makes it WORSE. It may mask it or numb it in the moment, but then the anxiety comes back with a vengeance the next day.

Can you speak to your therapist/counselor about the increase in your symptoms? Do they know you have eliminated alcohol? There may be a medication that may help.

Meantime, take a walk. Drink a cup of tea. Try some relaxation exercises. Listen to music, or a book on tape. Anything to get your mind out of catastrophizing mode.

Before you panic about the diagnosis.. take it apart: First, you could end up with a less serious diagnosis. If it is the one you are concerned about, there will be treatment for it. And that's better than going without it. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

Take a deep breath. You are doing GREAT!

Peppermintea

I have been panicking an procrastinating Mummy2 and its still not on yet. But I am going to do it now. Thanks for inspiring me! I hope you enjoy your film (and icecream too!) xx

Misc72

Are you in the class of July yet? If not, join now we are all in the same boat.

Peppermintea

Thank you so much Tealily for all of this. You have given me so much good advice here. I am so bad/good at catastrophising.

I'm seeing my GP tomorrow and will talk to her about my worries and ask her if she can give me anything for the anxiety. She knows about my alcohol issues and that I have quit. I can trust her and will follow her advice.

I know alcohol will make things much much worse. If I can just stay sober long enough, I can get the right diagnosis and treatment, and then maybe actually get better. I have come so far now I have to persevere. I know alcohol will put me back to square one. It's so hard though! So hard!!

Im still panicking but Im going to put the film (Girl on Train) on now ....and I might check back in here when its finished.

Thanks for this forum. You people are amazing

joandmelandhan

Pepperminttea hold in there! At 27 days I still found it really difficult to cope with anything even remotely outside my comfort zones. My anxiety shot up at the slightest thing. Looking after your mental health is really important for anyone and if you have specific issues then even more so. You've been very brave so far seeing doctors and getting a diagnosis. We're all on a journey and I think you're doing brilliant. Enjoy your movie and naughty snacks!

Peppermintea

Joined but not posted since. Will have a look. Thanks x