Mflynn1985

My fience has been one month in rehab working on his second month. He has changed in a big way and telling me that he is not focused on our relationship right now just on himself and his recovery. I gave him his phone with mins on it that I bought so we can communicate. He very really communicates with me never tells me he loves me and only talks to me when he wants me to drive two and a half hours to his rehab to bring him something. I have been trying to support him through all this but I feel like I am being pushed aside. I have frequent panic attacks and if I even try to talk to him he thinks I'm always negative and he gets mad. I'm not sure what to feel or how to react. I know it's going to be a process but I didn't think it would be this much of a change. Could someone please give me some advice on what to do or say?

Maudcat

I'm sorry for your situation, Mflynn, but wanted to welcome you to SR.
I think emotions are all over the place, on both sides, when a partner is in rehab.
How about taking good care of you, and worry less about him.
You both have your own paths to walk.
Do you go to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon (don't know what your SO's addiction is) meetings.
They could be very helpful and supportive.
Good luck.

sugarbear1

I also suggest going to Al Anon and listening. Maybe work those steps and begin to heal.

Forward12

The good thing is he is in rehab to get his addiction in check. Though like when actively drinking, the booze is the only thing in life that matters, the tables will get flipped and putting your recovery first is what is needed to make sure the sober life sticks.
This often is hard on loved ones as they feel pushed aside, and I also feel attending alanon would be a great place to start.

BlownOne

The desperation necessary for most alcoholics to get into recovery is so total that many times everything else gets pushed aside for a time, as the focus and energy has to be on recovery, and sometimes at the expense of other areas of life. There is no timetable. Everyone is different. Take this time to work on you and learn about yourself. I second the suggestion to try Al Anon.

Anna

I'm sorry that you are going through this.

My advice is to shift the focus to you and what you need to do to feel better. Allow your fiancé to continue his recovery while you take care of yourself.

CelticZebra

I completely agree with Anna statement and am thankful to read this today as it helps to remind me that we must each look after ourselves in the best way we can and allow our loved ones the same gift of self-discovery and recovery.
Allowing myself time to relax and heal is vitally important