why can't i stop drinking
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 39
Hi Maggie,
So sorry you are going through these difficult times. I can promise you sober will feel better than drinking ever made you feel. I can relate to much of your story. Being a mom and feeling the guilt and shame of repeat drinking. Do something productive for yourself instead of drinking. Do something fun with your kids, make a fun routine then after you put the kids down to bed, do something that is just for you! Take a warm bath and listen to music that you love, pamper yourself, get hooked on a great series on Netflix, read!! I loved Allen Carr's "The easy way to stop drinking for women". It's an easy read and makes so much sense. Also "Blackout " and " Drunk mom" were great reads. You will feel such a sense of joy and accomplishment not drinking and doing something constructive instead. You will see your perspective change, and feel strong and confident, not lost and searching. These are things that helped me, I'm hoping they will help you, as well. I also spend a lot of time reading these forums. There is so much support and advice here. You are in the right place. You can do this!! We are all here to help and support you. Make today a new day, a different day... I believe in you 💕
So sorry you are going through these difficult times. I can promise you sober will feel better than drinking ever made you feel. I can relate to much of your story. Being a mom and feeling the guilt and shame of repeat drinking. Do something productive for yourself instead of drinking. Do something fun with your kids, make a fun routine then after you put the kids down to bed, do something that is just for you! Take a warm bath and listen to music that you love, pamper yourself, get hooked on a great series on Netflix, read!! I loved Allen Carr's "The easy way to stop drinking for women". It's an easy read and makes so much sense. Also "Blackout " and " Drunk mom" were great reads. You will feel such a sense of joy and accomplishment not drinking and doing something constructive instead. You will see your perspective change, and feel strong and confident, not lost and searching. These are things that helped me, I'm hoping they will help you, as well. I also spend a lot of time reading these forums. There is so much support and advice here. You are in the right place. You can do this!! We are all here to help and support you. Make today a new day, a different day... I believe in you 💕
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I'm a mum too and understand how you feel. My marriage was dead and I numbed it with drinking. Then I stopped left my husband and my life improved so much. but it wouldn't have happened if I'd kept drinking.
I picked up again after a few years but that's another story. I've stopped again now before I lose control of my life again. you can do this.
Benadryl and one glass isn't a good plan.Throw it all out.Even if you don't sleep and feel rubbish for a few days you'll be more aware and a better mum and there for your kids than with a hangover. Physically you'll start to feel miles better in a few days.
I picked up again after a few years but that's another story. I've stopped again now before I lose control of my life again. you can do this.
Benadryl and one glass isn't a good plan.Throw it all out.Even if you don't sleep and feel rubbish for a few days you'll be more aware and a better mum and there for your kids than with a hangover. Physically you'll start to feel miles better in a few days.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 188
Malatonin and Valerian root will help woth sleep. I his vodka all the time. Looking back its very saddening. If you can get through 10 days thr withdrawals and sleep problems will lift. Please do not drink today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
The sleep aid/wine combo is disaster. Don't do it. Besides I know that trick and there is an evil period of still being awake with your inhibitions all gone where it is waaaaay too easy to drink half the bottle 😉
It really isn't so bad to just - be sober - even in the very beginning. You will feel irritable but "this too shall pass." You are probably more exhausted than you consciously realize right now. Your brain and body really need REAL sleep - not passing out. You can do this!
It really isn't so bad to just - be sober - even in the very beginning. You will feel irritable but "this too shall pass." You are probably more exhausted than you consciously realize right now. Your brain and body really need REAL sleep - not passing out. You can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 13
Thank you everyone for all the encouragement and for the peek into what life without alcohol would be like. It has been a long time since I lived that life. Night has generally been my time to be me. I would craft, decorate, read, walk my dogs or take them out for an adventure, just do whatever. Then, I'd do my 'me' things, then drink. Then I tried drinking while doing my thing. Now, I either do nothing, or don't do anything until I'm well-to-do first. I actually feel like I can't do anything without it at night. Flipping crazy. Yes, my world has gotten very small. The truth is that I do pretty much nothing anymore at night. Everything around me is chaotic because I am not keeping house at all, and I've stopped caring for the most part. It is awful to see my kids' rooms. It kills me. I hate going in their rooms because they are far from beautiful, orderly, or clean. All of that stuff overwhelms me. Those of you who pointed out the total insanity of my "logic", drink and take benadryls to avoid drinking... yes when you put it that way, I can see how absurd it is. I honestly have not considered that I even could be totally alcohol free. It just is what I do and I gave into it after many discouraging attempts to stop. Just hearing that completely ridding myself of this could ever be a reality, it's like, WOW. I have not been successful the last two nights, but at the moment I have not had anything to drink. I made an appointment with a psychologist for Friday. I can't go back to the way things were that led me to the drinking in the first place. That just won't work. How do you deal with the issues that created the psychological environment where addiction could take hold? I feel like if I just toss it out and say no, the problems are still here, and it will be a disaster. Like things aren't a disaster anyway. Clearly I need to fix my thinking. Alcohol isn't fixing anything, it's just a way to avoid fixing anything. But I don't know how to fix anything anyway. Ugh. I am rambling and I am sorry. This is the first time I've ever even explored what I have been doing for years. I hate being so focused on myself. It feels, well, selfish. Expecting others to care about my problems like all of you don't have your own. Anyway thank you all, truly.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1
And.....
....down to the patterns, kids ages, habits, mentality, mental anguish....seriously sucks. It doesn't help I come from a long line of alcoholics on my dad's side, so that further concretes the mindset that it's simply bigger than me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 13
IDK if I come from a long line of alcoholics. I have no medical history and a closed adoption. I think there was mention of an "allergy to alcohol" somewhere in the non identifying information, which I assume was a liking for it. I do believe at this point it might be bigger than me, but that's hard to admit.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Originally Posted by maybemaggie 
How do you deal with the issues that created the psychological environment where addiction could take hold? I feel like if I just toss it out and say no, the problems are still here, and it will be a disaster. Like things aren't a disaster anyway. Clearly I need to fix my thinking. Alcohol isn't fixing anything, it's just a way to avoid fixing anything. But I don't know how to fix anything anyway. .
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi and welcome Maggie 
Many of us have come from a position of total dependency on alcohol...I drank all day everyday, for several years...
It was by no means easy to quit, but it wasn't impossible, and support helped. I really believe that if I can do it you can too
really use this community - as much as you need to - it really works
D
Many of us have come from a position of total dependency on alcohol...I drank all day everyday, for several years...
It was by no means easy to quit, but it wasn't impossible, and support helped. I really believe that if I can do it you can too
really use this community - as much as you need to - it really works
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Originally Posted by LBB2723
....down to the patterns, kids ages, habits, mentality, mental anguish....seriously sucks. It doesn't help I come from a long line of alcoholics on my dad's side, so that further concretes the mindset that it's simply bigger than me.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 13
still here and thank you everyone for all the support, advice, and kindness. still trying to control the alcohol while keeping it. still waking up scared to death and depressed. like i did just now. another missed morning. what does it take to really be ready to throw this poison out and not return to it.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 96
You're doing so good, Maggie. I know that's hard to believe, but we all go through this stage of quitting. The bargaining and trying to keep alcohol in our lives because we're scared to let go off that lifeline. One day you'll wake up and decide that the struggle isn't worth it anymore.
You're in so much pain because you know you're killing yourself (literally and figuratively) but you don't know how to stop. That's the addiction. It rips away your self-confidence until you think you can't do anything without it. It's a lie. It's a ruse that the little addict monster creates to keep you drinking.
When you starve the monster, it dies.
It'll take a few weeks and serious re-programming of your brain, but then the fog truly lifts and you're free. Going to a psychologist is pretty crucial though. You have to change your thought patterns. Alcohol damages your brain which in turn damages your thoughts. Your thoughts become your reality. If you can find a CBT therapist, I've found this to be the best fit for me.
Try reading "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace. It strips your subconscious mind from believing that alcohol is giving you benefits.
You can do this. We're here for you.
You're in so much pain because you know you're killing yourself (literally and figuratively) but you don't know how to stop. That's the addiction. It rips away your self-confidence until you think you can't do anything without it. It's a lie. It's a ruse that the little addict monster creates to keep you drinking.
When you starve the monster, it dies.
It'll take a few weeks and serious re-programming of your brain, but then the fog truly lifts and you're free. Going to a psychologist is pretty crucial though. You have to change your thought patterns. Alcohol damages your brain which in turn damages your thoughts. Your thoughts become your reality. If you can find a CBT therapist, I've found this to be the best fit for me.
Try reading "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace. It strips your subconscious mind from believing that alcohol is giving you benefits.
You can do this. We're here for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 96
I've been sober for 41 days and it already feels like a whole different life.
I was in the quit and moderate cycle for a long time, but this time, I know I'm done and I have zero sadness about it.
I put all the energy I had put into drinking into being sober. But that's not abstaining from drinking. That part is easy now; I don't crave alcohol anymore. It's being EMOTIONALLY sober. Finding myself and re-wiring my brain.
I'm currently reading 3 books "Sober Revolution" "How to communicate like a Buddhist" and "the Edge Effect". These are all about changing my thinking and way I communicate with others and myself (I realized once I was alone with my thoughts I had a terribly negative self image). I also listen to audio books and podcasts constantly. The Bubble Hour and The Home Podcast are my favorites. I practice meditation and yoga every day. I'm doing something called "The Mantra Project" where I focus on a new mantra each day and journal about it.
It sounds like a lot, and normally I might be overwhelmed (I have - HAD- awful anxiety and panic attacks). But that's all completely disappeared since starting this journey. My 2 young children no longer stress me out, and my husband's 70 hr work weeks no longer grate on me.
I feel so calm, centered, and HAPPY for the first time in my life. By stuffing down and numbing all of my negative emotions, I shoved down the ability to feel true joy as well.
Learning to feel and process the uncomfortable feelings has enabled me to be free from them.
This is something I THOUGHT I had been doing all along while drinking. But that's not true at all.
All I was doing was being a drunk.
And I can't let that be the example I set for my kids.
I was in the quit and moderate cycle for a long time, but this time, I know I'm done and I have zero sadness about it.
I put all the energy I had put into drinking into being sober. But that's not abstaining from drinking. That part is easy now; I don't crave alcohol anymore. It's being EMOTIONALLY sober. Finding myself and re-wiring my brain.
I'm currently reading 3 books "Sober Revolution" "How to communicate like a Buddhist" and "the Edge Effect". These are all about changing my thinking and way I communicate with others and myself (I realized once I was alone with my thoughts I had a terribly negative self image). I also listen to audio books and podcasts constantly. The Bubble Hour and The Home Podcast are my favorites. I practice meditation and yoga every day. I'm doing something called "The Mantra Project" where I focus on a new mantra each day and journal about it.
It sounds like a lot, and normally I might be overwhelmed (I have - HAD- awful anxiety and panic attacks). But that's all completely disappeared since starting this journey. My 2 young children no longer stress me out, and my husband's 70 hr work weeks no longer grate on me.
I feel so calm, centered, and HAPPY for the first time in my life. By stuffing down and numbing all of my negative emotions, I shoved down the ability to feel true joy as well.
Learning to feel and process the uncomfortable feelings has enabled me to be free from them.
This is something I THOUGHT I had been doing all along while drinking. But that's not true at all.
All I was doing was being a drunk.
And I can't let that be the example I set for my kids.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by maybemaggie
still trying to control the alcohol while keeping it.
I couldn't control alcohol and keep drinking.
The only way I could quit was to admit that I could not control my drinking. I needed to accept that I could not manage one single drink. Because we all know where one single drink takes us.
I hope you can find your way to accepting that alcohol has to come off the table completely.
You can do this. You can be free. You have it in you to do this.
You are here posting
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 10
The others are right, Maggie! The depression and anxiety are both magnified by alcohol. How do I know? Because I suffered from both. However, sober, they go away. I haven't managed to abstain longer than a month yet and I'm still slipping here and there, but the fact that I RARELY drink even allowed my mind to heal. Now I just need to work on STAYING quit for good. We can do this together! It is possible!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 6
It's my first day. I have been drinking for 17 years, all day, every day. I have two beautiful teenaged girls who have watched their mother turn into a drunk, and that thought just makes me want to drink more to escape the shame and horror of what I have become to them. I know the feeling of throwing it out and then just buying more. I live about fifty feet from a liquor store. Sometimes I actually consider moving to the middle of nowhere where there is no liquor for 100 miles so I just can't get it. That's the amount of control it has over me. I am at the point where I feel my organs starting to change, and I know I'm going to die if I don't stop. But I can't stop. Or I think I can't. But the folks on here tell me that I can. Of course I can. Of course you can. I am seeing that there are many, many, many plans and tips on here from people who have beat this. Just stay here and it has to get better. That's what I'm telling myself. It has to get better around the people on here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi maggie - there's tons of support here and some really good ideas in this thread - why not try something different this time, however small? the largest waves can comes from the smallest of ripples...
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