What to do if you feel that alcoholism I engrained?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
What to do if you feel that alcoholism I engrained?
Hello everyone.
Iam trying to keep positive, but Iam very worried I have finally engraved alcoholism into my functioning self.
It's been much more difficult to stop drinking as of late, much harder then past attempts.
Iam 26 and started at 14, drinking on the weekends, then overtime, after work, and now every day.
I usually polish About 3 liters of beer, or two reds every evening. And then binge drink on the weekend.
And as of late I see a change in my personality, I actually feel like I stand out from the world, like an alcoholic does to oneself when you walk past him.
I can't really get help from my family as they are dealing with alcoholism themselves, they are "functioning" alcoholics, but I too notice changes in their psychology as of recently.
And friends are non existent, I've never been the social type. My family are my friends.
Maby Iam depressed inside? I don't know.
My hobbies include my job, and then being locked away from the world with my bottles. Sometimes I hire a hotel room just to drink when family members complain to much about my anti social drinking lifestyle.
I think: "imagine how hard it will be when I actually have a family of my own?" - your Probably thinking "lets hope he doesn't"
So to finish off, (and thanks for reading btw) I feel like I could have achieved so much more in my life, but I've never realised how much alcohol has made me run parrallall to my actual life path, and the damage that I've done.
My question: what's next? How do I overcome the emotional mood swings and cravings and the depression that comes with stopping drinking? The are so much stronger now then before.
And the problem is that I get so horribly bored without alcohol, it's ridiculous and pathetic!
Thankyou.
Iam trying to keep positive, but Iam very worried I have finally engraved alcoholism into my functioning self.
It's been much more difficult to stop drinking as of late, much harder then past attempts.
Iam 26 and started at 14, drinking on the weekends, then overtime, after work, and now every day.
I usually polish About 3 liters of beer, or two reds every evening. And then binge drink on the weekend.
And as of late I see a change in my personality, I actually feel like I stand out from the world, like an alcoholic does to oneself when you walk past him.
I can't really get help from my family as they are dealing with alcoholism themselves, they are "functioning" alcoholics, but I too notice changes in their psychology as of recently.
And friends are non existent, I've never been the social type. My family are my friends.
Maby Iam depressed inside? I don't know.
My hobbies include my job, and then being locked away from the world with my bottles. Sometimes I hire a hotel room just to drink when family members complain to much about my anti social drinking lifestyle.
I think: "imagine how hard it will be when I actually have a family of my own?" - your Probably thinking "lets hope he doesn't"
So to finish off, (and thanks for reading btw) I feel like I could have achieved so much more in my life, but I've never realised how much alcohol has made me run parrallall to my actual life path, and the damage that I've done.
My question: what's next? How do I overcome the emotional mood swings and cravings and the depression that comes with stopping drinking? The are so much stronger now then before.
And the problem is that I get so horribly bored without alcohol, it's ridiculous and pathetic!
Thankyou.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,637
SUPPORT TO YOU. I DRANK LIKE A FISH FOR DECADES. 4TH GEN. ALCIE.
I NEED SUPPORT- ON THE GROUND. a DOC FOR PHYSICAL AND MONITORING MY DEPRESSION, A PSYCHOLOGIST FOR WORKING OUT WHY AND HOW NOT TO AGAIN (cbt) sorry, caps lock.
And a counsellor to work on keeping sober- with AA meetings. Also doing stuff so I do not isolate. I make myself do stuff- activities, social.
I NEED SUPPORT- ON THE GROUND. a DOC FOR PHYSICAL AND MONITORING MY DEPRESSION, A PSYCHOLOGIST FOR WORKING OUT WHY AND HOW NOT TO AGAIN (cbt) sorry, caps lock.
And a counsellor to work on keeping sober- with AA meetings. Also doing stuff so I do not isolate. I make myself do stuff- activities, social.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 611
Hi Renvate. I realized in my mid-twenties that I drank differently than others, though the real change didn't happen until earlier this year (I'm 41 now). Like many here who get sober, I found that there were underlying depression issues to deal with. You may find the same to be true.
As for boredom, are there any hobbies you used to be interested in that maybe you could revisit? The longer you're sober, the better you feel, which leads to doing more, which combats boredom. Momentum builds.
As for boredom, are there any hobbies you used to be interested in that maybe you could revisit? The longer you're sober, the better you feel, which leads to doing more, which combats boredom. Momentum builds.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Welcome. Glad you found us.
That feeling of surrender is a good thing! And yes, alcoholism IS ingrained. Once we are an alcoholic, we will always be alcoholic.
There are two sides to sobriety - one is abstaining from alcohol completely. There is no way for us to moderate our drinking comfortably. We don't just enjoy one or two. We drink to get to a different mindset, not for the taste of the wine!
The other side of the coin is Recovery. And this is the part that works the slow magic. It is us collecting tools for living other than alcohol. Learning what we enjoy other than alcohol. You say that you started drinking at 14. What did you do for kicks before then? That could be a start.
Many of us come to sobriety with a lot or self-loathing and very little genuine love for ourselves. It makes it very difficult to relax or sit with ourselves when our mind is turning round like a washing machine, tumbling around all our regrets from the past and fears for the future, plus usually some anger and resentments that we're not even fully aware of at the start of sobriety. People have all kinds of ways of working on their recovery. For me and many others AA has been a big part of this. Some folk go to AA thinking they will learn how to drink normally there (haha - that was me!), others that they will be told how to stop drinking. But actually AA is where I learned how to Live (with a capital on purpose) sober. Most alcoholics are not naturally comfortable sober. They are restless, irritable and discontent. We need to learn how to accept life on life's terms, see the joy that is there, and stop being self-pitying and selfish, always looking to the next quick fix, or for something that will make us feel good for the short term (many people cross addict, so while alcohol might be their main addiction, they might also act out in other ways such as gambling, sex, porn, overeating, or whatever. )
The bad news is that there is no 100% pain-proof method of getting through the early weeks or months of sobriety. The good news is that sobriety can be more fulfilling than we ever could of, or would have hoped.
When I stopped drinking I felt like my life was over. And it was a death of sorts, but it was also like a re-birth. I was crawling for a while, but soon I was walking. Now I can run, dance, jump and sing. Sobriety WITH recovery is pretty special.
Maybe check out Dee's thread about making a sobriety plan for recovery. It's a good one... http://www.soberrecovery.comms/newco...y-plans-2.html
And why not check out the AA mestings in your area? They are free (apart from a small donation - although you are not expected to make this donation on a first meeting), and you don't need to register or anything. You can just turn up, and if you don't want to speak to anyone you don't have to. You can just listen. That in itself can be a bit comfort at the beginning when we think we may be losing our mind. Everything you are going through, someone here or at any AA meeting will have experienced similar. They will be happy to guide you and support you, because at some point someone did the same for them. And hopefully one day you will be able to do the same for someone else. It's called carrying the message.
I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
That feeling of surrender is a good thing! And yes, alcoholism IS ingrained. Once we are an alcoholic, we will always be alcoholic.
There are two sides to sobriety - one is abstaining from alcohol completely. There is no way for us to moderate our drinking comfortably. We don't just enjoy one or two. We drink to get to a different mindset, not for the taste of the wine!
The other side of the coin is Recovery. And this is the part that works the slow magic. It is us collecting tools for living other than alcohol. Learning what we enjoy other than alcohol. You say that you started drinking at 14. What did you do for kicks before then? That could be a start.
Many of us come to sobriety with a lot or self-loathing and very little genuine love for ourselves. It makes it very difficult to relax or sit with ourselves when our mind is turning round like a washing machine, tumbling around all our regrets from the past and fears for the future, plus usually some anger and resentments that we're not even fully aware of at the start of sobriety. People have all kinds of ways of working on their recovery. For me and many others AA has been a big part of this. Some folk go to AA thinking they will learn how to drink normally there (haha - that was me!), others that they will be told how to stop drinking. But actually AA is where I learned how to Live (with a capital on purpose) sober. Most alcoholics are not naturally comfortable sober. They are restless, irritable and discontent. We need to learn how to accept life on life's terms, see the joy that is there, and stop being self-pitying and selfish, always looking to the next quick fix, or for something that will make us feel good for the short term (many people cross addict, so while alcohol might be their main addiction, they might also act out in other ways such as gambling, sex, porn, overeating, or whatever. )
The bad news is that there is no 100% pain-proof method of getting through the early weeks or months of sobriety. The good news is that sobriety can be more fulfilling than we ever could of, or would have hoped.
When I stopped drinking I felt like my life was over. And it was a death of sorts, but it was also like a re-birth. I was crawling for a while, but soon I was walking. Now I can run, dance, jump and sing. Sobriety WITH recovery is pretty special.
Maybe check out Dee's thread about making a sobriety plan for recovery. It's a good one... http://www.soberrecovery.comms/newco...y-plans-2.html
And why not check out the AA mestings in your area? They are free (apart from a small donation - although you are not expected to make this donation on a first meeting), and you don't need to register or anything. You can just turn up, and if you don't want to speak to anyone you don't have to. You can just listen. That in itself can be a bit comfort at the beginning when we think we may be losing our mind. Everything you are going through, someone here or at any AA meeting will have experienced similar. They will be happy to guide you and support you, because at some point someone did the same for them. And hopefully one day you will be able to do the same for someone else. It's called carrying the message.
I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: France
Posts: 88
Hi Renvate,
I'm 26 and I was an antisocial drinker too. I can relate to the " I feel like I could have achieved so much more in my life" state of mind. In fact, I decided to get sober and never drink again because my ambitions are way too precious for me to let booze ruin them.
I had the same drinking pattern and I didn't experience any withdrawal symptoms and I hope it will be the same for you.
Stay close to SR to avoid boredom and temptation , we are here for you.
I wish you all the best in your sober journey from the bottom of my heart.
I'm 26 and I was an antisocial drinker too. I can relate to the " I feel like I could have achieved so much more in my life" state of mind. In fact, I decided to get sober and never drink again because my ambitions are way too precious for me to let booze ruin them.
I had the same drinking pattern and I didn't experience any withdrawal symptoms and I hope it will be the same for you.
Stay close to SR to avoid boredom and temptation , we are here for you.
I wish you all the best in your sober journey from the bottom of my heart.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Yes, there are two parts to it as was mentioned. The first is to stop, the second is to learn how to live again - without drinking. Some call it recovery, and for lack of a better word, that's what it is. Just as a cancer patient must 'recover' from the sickness and treatment, so must alcoholics recover from the damage they have done to themselves, both physically and psychologically. And also, the underlying factors that may be unique to one person's situation must be addressed.
Sometimes it's difficult to fix all of the problems at once. But until the most important one is addressed, the others don't have a chance. Drinking has become a way of life for many. It is used in good times and bad times and more often as time goes by, it is an escape - the only solution to everything. But like an ostrich 'sticking its head in the sand' to avoid danger, the danger or problem is still there he just doesn't see it, the same applies to getting drunk. You may forget or hide from your issues, but they will always be there.
Come up with a plan to stop drinking. And come up with a plan to 'fix yourself'. But you must stop drinking and get used to it before you have a chance to address the other 'problems' you must deal with.
There is plenty of advice and coaching here, use it all. What works for some may not work for others. Find what works for you. Don't give up. Many struggle at first, but with time and practice, and DETERMINATION, you will succeed. Never give up.
Sometimes it's difficult to fix all of the problems at once. But until the most important one is addressed, the others don't have a chance. Drinking has become a way of life for many. It is used in good times and bad times and more often as time goes by, it is an escape - the only solution to everything. But like an ostrich 'sticking its head in the sand' to avoid danger, the danger or problem is still there he just doesn't see it, the same applies to getting drunk. You may forget or hide from your issues, but they will always be there.
Come up with a plan to stop drinking. And come up with a plan to 'fix yourself'. But you must stop drinking and get used to it before you have a chance to address the other 'problems' you must deal with.
There is plenty of advice and coaching here, use it all. What works for some may not work for others. Find what works for you. Don't give up. Many struggle at first, but with time and practice, and DETERMINATION, you will succeed. Never give up.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
This thread had lots of information, and lots of ideas put forth by our members:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
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