Day 1 ... again
 

Sunday was day 7 for me, BUT THEN yesterday was my birthday. I got really sad right away for whatever reason and changed my mind about being sober on this particular day. Had an ok day, but because I am not on social media anymore, I pretty much got zero acknowledgment about it besides from my immediate family and not even all of them.
So I got drunk. I think the biggest problem for me is the black out thing. It happened to me last night - I was ok, a bit buzzed and then bam, no memory really. I know I freaked at my husband for not doing a good job on my birthday or for not letting any of his family know.
Some days I could drink 2 drinks and not drink again, some days I could get drunk and be a normal, nice drunk person, then there are days like yesterday where I lose my mind. I feel like absolute crap today for having freaked out and I need to vent here so that I start actually holding myself to not drinking. It is the same way if my husband drinks (which he did only a little yesterday). Sometimes it is me apologizing in the morning, other times it is him. We discussed being committed to not drinking anymore for good (committing to sobriety), but I just feel so depressed still. I feel like the biggest barrier in our marriage was from our drinking outbursts/arguments and it could totally destroy us.

Yea, for me drinking was like Russian Roulette, like you describe beesy. I could drink ok, I could 'control it', I could have a few drinks and stop ... but then there were times when it just went to hell, with very little or maybe No predictability. Then, it got worse, and 'controlling' it was pure living hell. And the times of NOT controlling it, and the Consequences ...

However, amazing 'consequence' ... it is all described Exact & Precise in the Big Book of AA. The descent into Pitiful & Incomprehensible Demoralization ... the awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair.

And, the Solution is described Exact & Precise also. It works. Now I am living on the Miracle side of the Program.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U Can B 2