Yet again
 

Same old story......thought I could moderate my drinking!!!! Shocker...it didn't work!!

Ive gone back to secret drinking...im so so ashamed🙈 hubby found 2 emoty bottles last night & is furious, i really need to get a effin' grip...at this point i have no idea if he's done with me. He's well & truly sick of the lies/false promises....i HAVE TO QUIT DRINKING. Ive continuously tried moderate drinking & it just never happens!!!
I've looked online for some AA meetings..theres 1 at 12, 5 & 8....so I have that option if i pluck up enough courage to go.

I hope its not too late to save my family....im such a selfish a'hole!! Thanks for reading!

Lou

I reckon action speaks louder than words LouLou - why not go to a meeting - nothing to lose and everything to gain, right?

:dunno:

D

Yeah i know, im just going to find the courage & go...just so nerveous!!!

I understand what you are going through. I entertained a stupid thought yesterday that I could drink normally after nearly 9 months sober.
I can't!
All we can do is get back on the horse and keep working on sobriety.
The last 9 months have been wonderful and I am not about to lose that happiness by drinking myself into oblivion.
You can stop, it just takes practice and plans. I let my plans slide and I am not doing that again.
Good luck to you :)

Thank you poppy, yes i deffinately need a plan this time. I have to get a grip on sobriety!!

Before SR, I didn't even realize that the whole "I can moderate my drinking after a few months of sobriety" thing was the common cause of all relapses. SR really opened my eyes on that particular matter.

I wish you all the best in your sober journey loulou :)

to save your fam. you need to save you...that thinking is important. Support to you.

Going thru the same thing!
After 9 days sober I relapsed and drank almost a fifth of vodka. I blacked out. The next morning I found the empty bottle on the table next to a picture of my son. We have to make a choice.
I went to my first meeting the next morning and I'm very glad I did. I was so nervous I was sick but I did it and am not looking back! Good luck! You can do this!!! Just go :)

Is it going to a meeting that you need courage for? Or do you fear admitting you are an alcoholic, fear accepting you can never drink again? Cause that's what your addiction fears. Sobriety, no matter how you get it.

You're drinking in the face of losing your family. Do whatever it takes to stop.

i can relate to that. my very 1st meeting- when i was truly, honestly, and sincerely ready for help- i pulled into the parking lot, backed into a spot, put the car in drive, went home and cried all night. i couldnt figure out why i couldnt walk in there.
i went back the next day. pulled in FORWARD this time. :)
and made it through the doors. the man chairing the meeting smiled at me when i walked through the door and said,"hey,glad ya made it back! welcome!"
the only thing i remember saying at that meeting was,"im tom im an alcoholic and i cant take it any more."
and cried the rest of the meeting.
but i kept going back. i got the big book real quick and started reading it. loved reading what could happen for me and my life if i worked the program. started working the program. "things" started changing- gradually.
one thing i learned was why i had a problem walkin into that 1st meeting:fear of the unknown- what was life without alcohol going to be like?
one thing that kept me going back: fear of the known- what my life WITH alcohol was going to be like.

eventually the problem with alcohol was removed- i was no longer fighting it. not cocky about it but not afraid either.
and a LOT of added personal benefits to boot.
i no longer hate myself
i know serenity and peace
i am comfortable in my own skin
my past doesnt haunt me
my attitude and outlook on life has changed

to name a few

Go too a meeting, I wish I had the chance I would be camped up outside, good luck

Best wishes Lou,
And keep posting! Just coming here seems to have helped me in the past.

Thanks for all the replies, i dont have a fear of living without alcohol, my fear regarding the meeting is seeing someone i know, id feel so embarrassed if i saw someone from work.
The meeting at 5 is an open meeting so i dont think ill go to that, think a closed 1 would b easier...what do u think?

If you saw someone you know at a meeting, they are in the same boat, I used to think that, strange as we would both be there for the same reason, hold your head up high and go, as that take guts and would be the first step to a happier life

pretty funny how people think that so often.
IF you saw someone from work, how do you think THEY would feel?
theyd be happy to see you there getting help. they would rather see you there then walkin out of the store with a couple bottles in your hands.
shouldnt you be happy to see them getting help or have learned they overcame a drinking problem?
there is absolutely no shame or embarrassment in getting help.
my old HG met in a conference room at a hospital. many people comin in for meetings asked at the desk where the meeting was. i showed up early one day to set up, walked to the cafeteria to grab a drink, and saw the receptionist.( small town hospital- receptionist, conference room, and cafeteria were all within 100'. i think the OR was connected to the kitchen) she came up and said," i always get a smile when someone asks me where the meeting is. its good to see people reaching out for help."

imo i think for someone that truly,honestly,and sincerely wants to stop drinking, closed meetings are a better choice.

For sure go to the meeting and let go of the excuses. I think 90/90 plan (90 meetings in 90 days) would be a great place to start to not just possibly save your relationships, but also yourself.

Thanks for all ur replies. This site helped me through 6 months of sobriety about 2 yrs ago, i stopped posting & the rest is history!!
Ill b digging my books out (i enjoy reading recovery books) & ive emailed an addiction therapist about booking an appointment.
Im sat writing this at home when i should have gone to work, this is just another reason to quit....for good

Great job being proactive! I hope you get that appointment and catch a meeting!
:)

Anonymity is a key meeting principle.
You would be safe there.
It's your AV talking you out of going.
I don't go to AA anymore, but it was an absolute godsend when I decided to stop drinking.
I met the most caring and supportive people there.
I hope you will decide to go.

Lou,

I was a secret drinker too. Buying and hiding wine bottles in my car. Secretly pouring cupfuls in the garage. Hiding them behind dishes and books and laundry so my husband and kids wouldn't see. Falling into bed super late, passing out. Waking up, miserable and full of regret. Disposing of bottles in the morning. Hiding them in garbage so they wouldn't be visible in the recycling can.

What a pitiful existence.

We deserve more. Our families deserve more.

I tried to quit, moderate, cut back, control it, over and over and over, just like probably everyone here. It's so predictable. And it never works.

:headbange

Finally, now, I feel I've turned a corner. I have taken alcohol off the table completely as an option. It is not worth all I had been harming: my physical, mental and spiritual health, my looks, especially my relationships with the people I love most. Instead of denying myself wine, now, I'm CHOOSING to have a better life. To wake up energized and without regret. To sleep soundly and well. To not be ashamed when I have late-night conversations with my teen kids, because I'm no longer slurring my words. To see the happiness in my husband. To feel my body healing and growing stronger, even feeling younger. I'm CHOOSING that. Not giving something up.

If I can do it, you can too!

:grouphug: