Stayingsassy

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this forum. About me: I've attempted to cut down or quit drinking since 2008. I've made it up to four months at one time. I've done outpatient rehab, AA, antabuse, and online forums to attempt to quit drinking.

I've never had a dui, job loss or family relationship loss due to drinking. I used to think that was because I was "good" at keeping it under control but I now know its because I have a bunch of codependent enablers in my life who have learned a lot of unconscious workarounds.

I'm extremely emotionally and psychologically dependent on alcohol. Not so much physically: I can stop for days without too much discomfort. But I without going into many details, let me just say I know I'm an alcoholic: there is no question I am one, and everyone around me basically knows it too.

I recently lost a lot of weight and got into fitness. I'm very into my gym. I got more interested in beauty and fashion and really just remade myself, I am in midlife and I guess you could say that its my form of midlife crisis, I suppose. I'm still married and my husband really liked this new me. Every time I stop drinking, I begin overeating with full force. I immediately begin gaining large amounts of weight despite still working out and desperate attempts to try to control it. Alcohol kills my appetite and not only are my calories down when I drink (I choose drinks carefully) but I believe that when I quit drinking, my metabolism suffers. This is actually a documented fact about sobriety, especially a few months in. Its an adjustment period I know. After a year or so metabolism should rebound, but this is complicated by my eating issues, body image, and my fitness/attractiveness taking precedence over sobriety, which is dumb, but it is what it is. Of course drinking affects skin, muscle tone, and overall vitality so I realize that my looks suffer in other ways....but I don't get fat when I'm drinking.

All right so that's my messed up challenges that are getting in the way of my sobriety. These feelings, plus my sense that I've tried so many things and nothing has ever worked.

Thoughts, ideas, commiseration, etc are welcome.

Thanks for being here.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

The usual advice here for those who bemoan weight gain during sobriety is to not worry about the weight until you've gotten some sober time under your belt.

But in your case, tackling both at the same time makes sense. There's 12 steps programs for both problems--drinking and overeating.

Midwest1981

Staying Sassy -Welcome to SR!

Alcoholism is progressive. You may have a handle on it now but it can get out of control really quickly. It would be great to quit before anything bad happens. Like a DUI , loss of health, or a marriage. I am also a middle aged woman. I am happy I quit before I got any older.

My metabolism is better then it was while drinking and I feel so much better I have a lot of energy. I think once you quit and get that under control you will start making healthier eating choices. It is hard at first since a lot of people do go for sugar and food but then when when we get stronger we start getting that under control too.

We have a great womens section on these forums and a overeating section too ...I think.

Stayingsassy

Unfortunately, I don't feel that's the case. I'm not in the gutter, but its out of control.

I fear an early death: my family would be heartbroken. It needs to stop.

Stayingsassy

I've read some blogs/stories about women who needed to do both. I'm not even sure I can return to AA. Its not that I'm against AA, I just never found it helpful. Truthfully, I did not work the steps and that may be why. I don't know. I'm also just dependent on alcohol as a crutch in a huge way, and the bad side of drinking hasn't outweighed the rest of it yet, but I fear that by the time it does it will be too late.

MidnightRider

Welcome SS - Your post above pretty much says it all..

I hope you find lots of great info and help here on SR!

Stay close!

doggonecarl

When you are determined to drink, the "bad side" of drinking can be pretty elusive.

Look at this way. You've been trying to quit since 2008. And can't. That's pretty bad.

Until you've experienced it, it's pretty hard to imagine just how swift the decent into the "bad side" drinking can be. It's a skid that can be difficult to halt, if not impossible for some.

Don't wait.

Stayingsassy

I forgot to mention, I'm on one of my semi-regular "sober stretches," I call them. Second day. The eating thing is crazy right now. Trying hard to stick to as much real food as possible, avoiding sugar. Nutrient deficiency = huge thing for drunks. Its probably part of the reason we want to eat so much...

Normally I would do this stretch for 3-5 days. I did ten days in early july, assuming I had quit, but then I didn't. I'm coming off a pretty bad bender after that 10 day sober stretch. A great deal of drinking for many days in a row: its scary stuff.

Would be really great if I just put it down for good, just like that.

Stayingsassy

. Agreed, its pretty bad. Its been bad for a long time. I think I'd be stage 4 easy if I didn't do so much intermittent sober time. But even "managing" it like that, I find the problem is just still: there.

I'm pretty aware of just how much of a horror story it becomes. Why I would choose to do something so risky with such bad eventual outcomes just goes to show what Addiction is.

The upside is: Stopping is not hard for me, so that scary first hurdle isn't there. Its staying stopped that seems damned near impossible.

MidnightRider

Hey - hope you don't mind me .. I'm having a hard time understanding what you are trying to achieve.

What's a sober stretch?
Are you trying to quit for good.. or moderate your drinking?

tomsteve

why wouldnt you be able to return to AA?


i dont think i would have recovered from alcoholism if i just went to meetings. going to meetings and not drinking doesnt treat alcoholism. its the steps that do. what going to meetings did for me was show me there were others that had been in my shoes and had recovered, so i could do if i just followed a few simple suggestions.
heres the into to the 2nd set of stories in the big book:
THEY STOPPED IN TIME

We think that about one-half of today's incoming A.A. members were never advanced cases of alcoholism; though, given time, all might have been.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The twelve who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these twelve A.A.'s, and thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."

2ndhandrose

Welcome, sassy

I think we all wish we could be done with it "just like that"

I understand the weight dilemma as I have struggled with my own over the years. It is a tough nut to crack, no doubt about it. It is not so easy to just say "whatever" to the weight gain.

I understand the weight dilemma so much.

But, if you lose your life to alcoholism, your weight won't matter much at all.

Please stick around, read and post. There is a wealth of information on SR and a line up of folks, just waiting to give you support

Stayingsassy

I have a strong desire to quit for good. I don't believe I can do it, but I am tired of moderating my drinking and I'm at a point where I know it's not working for me.

Pondlady

Welcome Sassy.

You still sound a big ambivalent about quitting for good. I think you have to believe it's possible and want it more then you want to drink.

Stick around, you'll learn a lot from the folks here.

Mummyto2

Hi I used to say that to myself, when I am drinking I am not fat, BUT now I would rather be fat on the outside and peaceful on the inside, good luck

ScottFromWI

That's all you need to get started - and you are in the right place to do it. Stick around and learn as much as you can.

Dee74

Hi and welcome stayingsassy

I don't believe anyones beyond hope - some of us have to deal with a few things at once - some of us are magnificent at throwing up obstacles - but it's not an impossible task to be sober and happy.

Read around post as much as you like - you'll find a lot of support and encouragement here

D

Hevyn

I'm so glad you joined us, Staying sassy. This is a great place for encouragement & friendship. SR helped me find the courage to stop for good. It feels wonderful to be free.