Ruminations on a week of sobriety.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Lipno Poland
Posts: 59
Ruminations on a week of sobriety.
A week a go today I was taking my first step into a life without alcohol. I want to place on record my experiences. This is more for myself but if it helps others I'd be delighted.
First though I need to look how I came to the decision. During last winter I started to become aware that I was drinking too frequently and excessively. But I could control it! I could, just about, make it through three whole days without drinking. I, of course, then made up for it by drinking even more! Then three days, became two, became one, became none. Fortunately I stumbled across a website called Soberrecovery. By tapping into the knowledge, experiences and advice here, I was able to come to the conclusion that the only option was to stop. I picked Monday 17th July as my stop date, two days after my birthday.
How has my first week been? Hard, very hard. Monday to Thursday last week was spent dealing with the withdrawal symptoms; sweating, unusual aches and pains, anxiety, sleeplessness and a desire to drink. Tuesday evening was the worse for that. At one point I was in tears because I needed a drink so much. By Friday the worst of the withdrawal symptoms had gone but had been replaced by the Addictive Voices or Mr AV as I call it. Frequent suggestions from them that I could manage just one or two. Mr AV is a sly old fox as well, dropping the suggestions into your mind when you least expect them and are least able to cope with them. But each night when I read SR and posted after another day sober, I stored that day's victories in my mind to help me continue the fight the next day.
When Saturday morning dawned I was feeling positive about my journey but realised I was still only starting. But the day brought two notable events. First I went to the supermarket. 'Big deal!' I hear you say, millions of people go to the supermarket on Saturday mornings. But for once I did not have to worry about being stopped by the police and breathalysed. I was also able to walk amongst beer and wine sections throwing a virtual v sign at the cans and bottles. In the afternoon we were invited to friends for a barbeque. As soon as I walked through the gate into the garden a cold bottle of beer was thrust into my hand. With more than a little bit of self pride I was able to decline it. Once I got over some initial anxiety, to my surprise, I was able to relax into the party. However on leaving and passing a couple of bars on the way home, I had a sense of sorrow. Sorrow that I would never be able to sit in the sun with a cold beer in my hand or sit outside a bar putting the world to right. This feeling continued into Sunday, in particualr when I went for a pizza with my family. Opposite the restaurant is a brew pub that for months I had been meaning to visit but now know I never can. But just as I was feeling sorry for myself the waitress came with my second drink, a homemade orangeade. As she placed it down my nine year old daughter said 'Daddy I am so proud of you, not asking for a beer!' In that one sentance she had made all the pain of the preceding week worth it.
So what has my first week of sobriety taught me? Firstly that since I started drinking regularly when I was about 16 or 17, alcohol has been entwined into virtual every activity I have done. It would appear I can't smile, laugh or cry without alcohol by my side. But Secondly and more importantly, actually I can. For seven and a half days so far. Without spending my days recovering from the night before and waiting to start again, I have found that I now have time and space in my life to spend proper time with my family, not just present in person but absent in mind as when I was drinking. I am also rediscovering my favourites activites, music, literature and riding my bike just because I want to. It is still hard dealing with the cravings and Mr AV's insistent voice but I am getting there and the shame of being controlled by drink is being replaced by pride at battling the beast.
If you managed to read this far thanks. Lets all keep fighting and enjoying our sobriety.
First though I need to look how I came to the decision. During last winter I started to become aware that I was drinking too frequently and excessively. But I could control it! I could, just about, make it through three whole days without drinking. I, of course, then made up for it by drinking even more! Then three days, became two, became one, became none. Fortunately I stumbled across a website called Soberrecovery. By tapping into the knowledge, experiences and advice here, I was able to come to the conclusion that the only option was to stop. I picked Monday 17th July as my stop date, two days after my birthday.
How has my first week been? Hard, very hard. Monday to Thursday last week was spent dealing with the withdrawal symptoms; sweating, unusual aches and pains, anxiety, sleeplessness and a desire to drink. Tuesday evening was the worse for that. At one point I was in tears because I needed a drink so much. By Friday the worst of the withdrawal symptoms had gone but had been replaced by the Addictive Voices or Mr AV as I call it. Frequent suggestions from them that I could manage just one or two. Mr AV is a sly old fox as well, dropping the suggestions into your mind when you least expect them and are least able to cope with them. But each night when I read SR and posted after another day sober, I stored that day's victories in my mind to help me continue the fight the next day.
When Saturday morning dawned I was feeling positive about my journey but realised I was still only starting. But the day brought two notable events. First I went to the supermarket. 'Big deal!' I hear you say, millions of people go to the supermarket on Saturday mornings. But for once I did not have to worry about being stopped by the police and breathalysed. I was also able to walk amongst beer and wine sections throwing a virtual v sign at the cans and bottles. In the afternoon we were invited to friends for a barbeque. As soon as I walked through the gate into the garden a cold bottle of beer was thrust into my hand. With more than a little bit of self pride I was able to decline it. Once I got over some initial anxiety, to my surprise, I was able to relax into the party. However on leaving and passing a couple of bars on the way home, I had a sense of sorrow. Sorrow that I would never be able to sit in the sun with a cold beer in my hand or sit outside a bar putting the world to right. This feeling continued into Sunday, in particualr when I went for a pizza with my family. Opposite the restaurant is a brew pub that for months I had been meaning to visit but now know I never can. But just as I was feeling sorry for myself the waitress came with my second drink, a homemade orangeade. As she placed it down my nine year old daughter said 'Daddy I am so proud of you, not asking for a beer!' In that one sentance she had made all the pain of the preceding week worth it.
So what has my first week of sobriety taught me? Firstly that since I started drinking regularly when I was about 16 or 17, alcohol has been entwined into virtual every activity I have done. It would appear I can't smile, laugh or cry without alcohol by my side. But Secondly and more importantly, actually I can. For seven and a half days so far. Without spending my days recovering from the night before and waiting to start again, I have found that I now have time and space in my life to spend proper time with my family, not just present in person but absent in mind as when I was drinking. I am also rediscovering my favourites activites, music, literature and riding my bike just because I want to. It is still hard dealing with the cravings and Mr AV's insistent voice but I am getting there and the shame of being controlled by drink is being replaced by pride at battling the beast.
If you managed to read this far thanks. Lets all keep fighting and enjoying our sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,578
Awesome Taevans, that's how it's done! Hearing the A/V but recognizing it's just a voice, a thought, and has no real power, when you have chosen to live in freedom. Celebrate the positive choice you have made to prioritize your family and your health and true happiness -- you won't regret it.
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Great post. I can tell in your narrative that you are proud. (and you should be).
But the cool thing is.... It only gets better and better!
I can honestly say along with you ... " I'm sober and I love it!"
Congrats on 7+ days!
But the cool thing is.... It only gets better and better!
I can honestly say along with you ... " I'm sober and I love it!"
Congrats on 7+ days!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1,536
Thank you for this really good post, Taevans! Congrats on making it to day 7. Many of us would agree that the first week is really initially the hardest part. Keep going at it - we are all in this together and reading your post really struck a cord with me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 44
Great post. Love the bit about not worrying about being breathalysed. I had a few of those moments where you realise that you have been normalising quite extreme behaviour because it's just what you do because of your drinking.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
It must have warmed your heart when your daughter said that, Taevans. A wonderful bit of encouragement. Thank you for sharing your experience at one week sober - I'm sure this will help many. 
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