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Old 07-23-2017, 03:10 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Update


Been drinking pretty heavily the past few days, things seeming too hard

Just had a huge bust up with my dad as he saw all the cans in my bedroom

I'm posting because I know I've got a problem, I'm also angry because I've made so many attempts to stop over the last few weeks and they've all gone wrong

I know I need to stop, more than ever now it's costing me a fortune and my health

Anyone who wants to just have a go please do not reply because I don't need hassle, just help and support

Going to bed soon, desperate to make tomorrow day one
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Old 07-23-2017, 05:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
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You've had tons of help and support here Stewy. If you are not open to all the great suggestions you have been given here than nothing will change. Not trying to hassle you, just saying the obvious. Not sure how you expect things to change if you're not open to doing things to make that change happen. If you are not willing to do this or can't do that, than expect the same. I really don't understand why you can't see this. Don't mean to be harsh, but why complain about your life if you don't do anything to change it. I could go on and on and complain about how things aren't the way I think they should be, but what good does it do? Those things won't change unless I do something to change them. If I don't put in the work to change the things I complain about, then I have only myself to blame, but I'm just speaking for myself. Looking for sympathy on this site will only get you so far. After a while, it only helps you to feel sorry for yourself which gets you nowhere. Just keeps you stuck and I'm speaking from a lot of experience. Go to therapy. Go to in or out-patient treatment. Go to AA. Connect with other recovery sites, etc.
Letting people know how miserable you are or at your wits end on this site isn't gonna change anything. How about telling people here you are trying out AA or going to CBT or individual therapy, etc.? If not, expect the same. Wish you well. John
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Old 07-23-2017, 05:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
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That is the addiction talking there Stewy, You got my support. So- you want to stop and are being hassled by family and it is costing heaps- so you spend more money on the thing that is costing you money and giving you grief.
Not a judgement- just your words. You need on the ground help and support.
Go to AA meetings. For me- once I cleverly argued my way out of do9ing this- but I am an alcie, it is free and is a place to hear, listen, understand - as well as being heard, understood and supported. See your doc about your physical health and get checked out for depression. Even tho my life seemed like one big unsolvable mess - divorce, no home 9thus homeless), alcohol, significant physical injuries, depression...etc, etc, etc.
They are not. I deal with each separately. A little every day.
The only one who can MAKE YOU better is YOU. So pour out any booze you have, clean up your space- eat and hydrate and then do something about this. Addiction sucks. You can do this. Keep posting.
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Old 07-23-2017, 05:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi Stewy,

I have been thinking about you and you have my support. Right now, I'm dealing with very similar circumstances that kicked off a 5-6 year run of hard drinking. I'm very tempted to go to the store and buy a box of wine.

But I know it won't solve anything, it'll just make things worse. So I sit here and ignore it and focus on enjoying time with my kids, sober. I only have about 3.5 hours until it's time to put the kids to bed and if there's no wine in the house then, I will have made it another day as I won't feel like going out to get any.

I share this as a way to say it took me hard work and changes to get to this point of not drinking over it. I work at it every day, sometimes 10 minutes at a time. It's uncomfortable sometimes. I have to have faith that it will get better if I put in the hard work, but maybe not on the timeline I want.

You are worth recovery. Next time instead of drinking, work on your recovery plan. Also, don't expect that not drinking means everything will always be rainbows and unicorns, sometimes life still gets challenging. It's ok to not feel ok in sobriety and not drink over it.
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Old 07-23-2017, 05:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Hey stewy

Nothing changes when nothing changes. That's not a slap down, it's just an observation borne of my own experience.

I'd love for you to just be able to stop without changing anything else in your life, but I honestly think you're past that point now.

Maybe the bust up with your dad could be a starting point for change?

I'm sure your parents would support you going to AA or some other regular meeting based group for example?

I know you've baulked at this before but maybe outpatient rehab couldn't hurt either?

Sure both things involve change, but a change is what you need.

D
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Old 07-23-2017, 05:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi, Stewy,
Your story is not new to me because I just started a Day 1. My life will be so much better when I get sober because I am fed up with what the alcohol is doing to me and my life. Sick and tired of not fully living because of my drinking. You have my support and we can get thru this. You are not alone.
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Old 07-23-2017, 05:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Stewy,

Start over and try again. I know you can do this and I know you know HOW to do it. Plan the work, work the plan!

Hugs,
CT
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Old 07-23-2017, 05:43 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Hey Stewy -

I know you've been struggling.

Isn't time for a change... like Dee said.

Sometimes we need a little help!
Why not make some calls tomorrow and/or call your doctor's office. Get a referral to a rehab center. Very least check out a meeting.

Isn't it time ? .... It's the right thing to do for you and your loved ones.

Take easy tonight.. With a Big glass of water!
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Old 07-24-2017, 04:08 AM   #9 (permalink)
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heres some of the help and support youve received this year alone:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-checking.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...3-day-1-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-up-plans.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-support.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-hey-guys.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-again.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...9-day-one.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...situation.html

stewy, self pity aint doin ya any good.
people joining in the pity party aint gonna help or be supportive either.
theres no sober fairy either.
no magic potion.
no easy way.
but there is a way.
which no one can do for you.

tell us again why rehab is out of the question?
seems youre out of excuses why.
prolly be the best move for you, you parents
and your daughter. she deserves a sober dad.
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Old 07-24-2017, 09:41 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Thank you everyone for your advice. I have read over all of the replies and appreciate the time put in to point me in the right direction

The argument with my dad is pretty much the lowest I'm going with this as I never argue with my dad and would rather do stuff to make him proud than drink the way I am doing

I'm not doing this for my dad though, I'm doing it for me. I'm starting here on day 1 today and I'm gonna battle this situation using the forum and what I already know about staying sober.

I have a lot on with work at the minute and need to be focused so that is my starting point- to work hard

I'm busy the rest of today and I've cleared my room of all cans.

I am planning in my free time when that will next be, to re read the advice on here and watch some Kevin O hara on YouTube as his advice seems pretty good

I'm very grateful for the support I've been shown on the site, I totally agree that I need to get up and take action against this now, today, this minute, this second.

That is what I'll do, I'll post later on tonight just for accountability and that I'm in bed and sober.

Time to wave goodbye to beer
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Old 07-24-2017, 09:52 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Stewey, what about rehab? It saved my life. Not only did it help me get on the right path to be sober but taking a "time-out" from like to restart myself was amazingly helpful. I resisted, resisted, resisted and was terrified to go but it is the best thing I have ever done. I'd go back in a heartbeat if I needed to. In fact, I once was feeling really low after a short relapse and called and asked my psychologist there if I could come stay for a week or two to "check out of life" for a bit. She said "this is not a hotel, if you really are back at it, of course we will help but you sound ok" It was such a great experience I WANTED to go back.
Give it a try?
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Old 07-24-2017, 09:54 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stewy84 View Post
I'm very grateful for the support I've been shown on the site, I totally agree that I need to get up and take action against this now, today, this minute, this second.
You've agreed to that many times before too. What actions will you actually take to make them happen? How will today be different? Being grateful is nice, but it doesn't help you if you don't utilize the support.

I understand you have good intentions but cleaning up the beercans and "posting here later" are not a recovery plan. They are certainly things that could be part of it, but what's going to stop you from getting some more beer later?

Not shaming you Stewy, but we've heard this before many times over. What concrete actions will you take to make today different?
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Old 07-24-2017, 10:04 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
You've agreed to that many times before too. What actions will you actually take to make them happen? How will today be different? Being grateful is nice, but it doesn't help you if you don't utilize the support.

I understand you have good intentions but cleaning up the beercans and "posting here later" are not a recovery plan. They are certainly things that could be part of it, but what's going to stop you from getting some more beer later?

Not shaming you Stewy, but we've heard this before many times over. What concrete actions will you take to make today different?
I have to fully concur with Scott's post above.

Stewy -

In the past couple years here, you have been given some of the best advice in the world.

What are you going to do differently this time?
What is anyone going to say?.... That hasn't already been said multiple times?

You know what you need to do!
In my opinion .. You need to take Action!

Have you checked out rehab options that you can go to this week?
Have you contacted your doctors for a referral to a place and get help?
Have you contacted local AA and put meetings on your calendar ?

Stewy - I am just a friend here on the web... Only so much we can do!

Time for you to take ACTION..

I repeat.

ITS TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE ACTION.
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Old 07-24-2017, 10:25 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Listen to Mera -- Rehab "Saved her life" !

Please read and feel her heartfelt post below.

She's throwing you a "Life Line" in a paragraph.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso View Post
Stewey, what about rehab? It saved my life. Not only did it help me get on the right path to be sober but taking a "time-out" from like to restart myself was amazingly helpful. I resisted, resisted, resisted and was terrified to go but it is the best thing I have ever done. I'd go back in a heartbeat if I needed to. In fact, I once was feeling really low after a short relapse and called and asked my psychologist there if I could come stay for a week or two to "check out of life" for a bit. She said "this is not a hotel, if you really are back at it, of course we will help but you sound ok" It was such a great experience I WANTED to go back.
Give it a try?
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Old 07-24-2017, 10:34 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post

I understand you have good intentions but cleaning up the beercans and "posting here later" are not a recovery plan. They are certainly things that could be part of it, but what's going to stop you from getting some more beer later?

Not shaming you Stewy, but we've heard this before many times over.
7/18
Hi Scott
4pm-530pm seeing neighbour
530-630pm- cooking tea for me and a friend
630pm-830pm doing my garden
830pm-1030pm watching some videos of Kevin o hara (alcohol mastery), read SR, post update
1030pm- bed

Yeah I'm just making plans to be busy at the moment aren't I. That will carry me some of the way but it's not really what I need to sustain this effort to quit drinking. I could stay busy for another 20 years and still be wishing for a drink!

7/17
Thanks Scott, I'll make that list in the morning when I'm at work, a lot of it is going to be how I plan to fill the free time in

7/10
Got to start somewhere and I'm just at work with a heap of anxiety so I'm making the decision to halt this nonsense
6/10
Making sober plans too- I'm helping someone learning to drive tomorrow by taking them out to practice manoeuvres. I've set up a breakfast meet with my neighbour for next week.
6/9
I'm going to spend time re reading all the posts of support as there has been so much
Sober day for tomorrow planned in full
It's going well, I'm ready now for this battle. It really is a choice between life and an eternity of misery and distress.
I know what to choose



stewy, what i am getting at here is HOPEFULLY helping you see that posting here alone has been a plan allright- one to keep getting drunk.
staying busy is also a plan to get you drunk.
youre history shows that.
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Old 07-24-2017, 12:26 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I know what I need to do. It has to be a complete mindset change starting now and a mindset change that means stop this madness now and today and do whatever it takes to stop

I'm going to check out some smart recovery stuff later on
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Old 07-24-2017, 12:38 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Stewy- wishing you the best! I am glad you are looking into some more options like smart recovery. I don't have any advice that hasn't been said but wanted to let you know I am rooting for you. Keep fighting this.
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Old 07-24-2017, 12:41 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I know what I need to do. It has to be a complete mindset change starting now and a mindset change that means stop this madness now and today and do whatever it takes to stop

I'm going to check out some smart recovery stuff later on
It does require a "mindset change" Stewy, you have that right. But what it really requires is an action change. By that I mean you have to actually DO something about it rather than just thinking or talking about it. "Checking out some smart recovery stuff later" is just your addiction once again telling you that you don't have to do anything now because you can do it later. And in between now and later, what happens if you feel like you want a beer?

What it really takes is for you DO something. And do it NOW - not later tonight, not tomrrow, not next week. Like this very second. If you don't, you it's very likely that you will just drink again.

I'm not going to go through all the things you could be doing right now because they've been listed hundreds, probably thousands of times. You know what they are, and you know where you can go to do them.

Why not make today the day that you "just do it"...like the proverbial phrase? What's stopping you?
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Old 07-24-2017, 01:24 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I honestly don't know what to say... only you can do this..there's no one that can help you if you don't accept the help. If I see a guy drowning and he refuses to grab the rope, I'm throwing to save his life,what more can I do? Get it together,buddy. I(and everyone else here) know(s) how hard it can be but, what other choice do you really have?
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Old 07-24-2017, 02:27 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I'm going to check out some smart recovery stuff later on

that a bit like saying i broke my leg - i'm going to look for a bandaid in a bit.

stewy you sound determined and even committed right up until the time comes to TAKE ACTION. you yourself stated that even in your prior term of sobriety you didn't actually DO anything recovery-minded, you just shifted addictions around. unless you grab that bulls by the horns and GET BUSY, you will continue to have one foot firmly nailed to the floor.
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