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Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by tr4vionz 
I want to try AA but I think I'm not strong enough or disciplined enough at this point for this..
you don't need strength to go to AA...
you go to AA BECAUSE you need strength.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by tr4vionz
Thank all of you for the support. I went to an AA meeting this morning and the people there instantly embraced me. Hearing people share their stories and how long they have been sober is truly astonishing. I even received a big book to read and I'm currently diving into it now.
I'm realizing just how much alcohol has ruined my life and how each time God has given me a path to choose. Each time I chose to drink and/or smoke weed through the situation and it made things worse. I have learned to cope through addiction instead of facing it head on and this time, through losing my job, I hear God loud and clear. I want to live life more fully, I want to have fun again, I want to have friends and not be withdrawn.
Alcohol has taken away the very best of me little by little and I want that confident, outgoing and fun man back. Its gonna be tough but I'm ready to fight.
I'm realizing just how much alcohol has ruined my life and how each time God has given me a path to choose. Each time I chose to drink and/or smoke weed through the situation and it made things worse. I have learned to cope through addiction instead of facing it head on and this time, through losing my job, I hear God loud and clear. I want to live life more fully, I want to have fun again, I want to have friends and not be withdrawn.
Alcohol has taken away the very best of me little by little and I want that confident, outgoing and fun man back. Its gonna be tough but I'm ready to fight.
awesome. keep going!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 22
Thanks guys for all the comments and support.
Today feels like it's going to be a hard day as this is the longest I've gone in awhile without a drink. I think each day going forward is gonna be harder and harder so I will stay close to here and goto as many meetings as possible. I just want to hop in my car and just something to drink I don't care what it is.
All these memories are flooding my brain and it's crazy right now. I can see the henny bottle and feel, I can smell the warm taste of cognac. My next meeting isn't until 5 and I gotta keep it together. I can't go back now. I can't give in to the cravings. I know what it will do and I know I will fall into that deep black hole, especially with nothing to do.
Today feels like it's going to be a hard day as this is the longest I've gone in awhile without a drink. I think each day going forward is gonna be harder and harder so I will stay close to here and goto as many meetings as possible. I just want to hop in my car and just something to drink I don't care what it is.
All these memories are flooding my brain and it's crazy right now. I can see the henny bottle and feel, I can smell the warm taste of cognac. My next meeting isn't until 5 and I gotta keep it together. I can't go back now. I can't give in to the cravings. I know what it will do and I know I will fall into that deep black hole, especially with nothing to do.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Hi Tr4vionz. We're so glad to have you with us.
I drank the same way you did. I thought of it as a soothing way to cope with life's miseries. I didn't realize I was keeping myself from growing & maturing. I never learned to deal with things in a normal way - just got numb & left everything on hold. As an older person I found myself dependent on it to get through the day. People began to notice - I was behaving in a reckless way & losing track of things at work & in my personal life. I lived for the next drink and chance to escape reality. I can't believe I justified this behavior for so many years. After I joined SR I found the courage to get free of it. I know you can too.
I drank the same way you did. I thought of it as a soothing way to cope with life's miseries. I didn't realize I was keeping myself from growing & maturing. I never learned to deal with things in a normal way - just got numb & left everything on hold. As an older person I found myself dependent on it to get through the day. People began to notice - I was behaving in a reckless way & losing track of things at work & in my personal life. I lived for the next drink and chance to escape reality. I can't believe I justified this behavior for so many years. After I joined SR I found the courage to get free of it. I know you can too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 22
Good morning,
Today I'm up and this is the first day that since I've my job I've felt some kind of emotion. 72 hours of sobriety and I guess I must be regaining feelings. Today I feel angry, today I feel upset and today I am disappointed in myself. I'm pissed that I have this disease and I'm pissed I let the people at my job, in my life and everywhere run me over and I wasn't strong enough and too weak to fight back. I am a coward and I ran to the bottle to hide and escape my problems. It's hitting me I've lost my freaking job and those same people who bullied me have their jobs. I'm the loser...again. Now I gotta pick it up and find something else and I'm the **** up again.
Sick and tired...
.
Today I'm up and this is the first day that since I've my job I've felt some kind of emotion. 72 hours of sobriety and I guess I must be regaining feelings. Today I feel angry, today I feel upset and today I am disappointed in myself. I'm pissed that I have this disease and I'm pissed I let the people at my job, in my life and everywhere run me over and I wasn't strong enough and too weak to fight back. I am a coward and I ran to the bottle to hide and escape my problems. It's hitting me I've lost my freaking job and those same people who bullied me have their jobs. I'm the loser...again. Now I gotta pick it up and find something else and I'm the **** up again.
Sick and tired...
.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Good morning Tr4vionz- 72 hours is great!! It is a good thing you are starting to feel this emotions. I hope you stay busy today. Exercise would be a great way to get rid of some of that energy even if it is just a walk. The first week is hard. It will get better...please don't beat yourself up to badly.
Any meetings today? Hope you find one.
Any meetings today? Hope you find one.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
If you don't drink today, words like "weak," "coward," and "loser" will not apply to you! I doubt those words are actually descriptive of you at all, honestly; but you'll certainly feel better about yourself when you go to bed sober tonight.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 22
Yes that is what is fueling me now. I feel like if I let this anger go I'm going to slip into a nervous breakdown. I'm going to slip and it's going to be it for me. But today, at this very moment, I'M ******* PISSED!
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