LadyEngineer

Hi all. I'm a 30 year old woman and I've been drinking since I was 12, sneaking into my parents stash. I think my problem began in my senior year of high school, and progressively got worse up to now. During my early 20s I binge drank heavily to the point of passing out 3-4 times a week. While the binge drinking hasn't been so heavy in recent years (every time) I still drank well over what's normal to the point of drunk every other day.

I have a seven year old son, he's the light of my life. The only time I've been sober is during my pregnancy with him, and I wait until he's sleeping to get drunk. However, I've made many mistakes during my career as an alcoholic.

I never called myself that before because I'm high functioning. I live life. Hold a career. I'm a good partner, mom, and friend. But I drink... a lot.

I decided last Sunday after an especially heavy night of drinking that I was getting sober. I'm tired of this way, and I want to be present in a way I don't think I've ever been.

I have an appointment next month for a physical and I plan on seeing a therapist to deal with the "whys" I started drinking and couldn't stop.

Ive had cravings all week and was "this close" to having a beer last night, but even with it in front of me, I didn't even sip it. Usually that would end up in an all night party.

This is the longest I've been sober in years and it's only been 4 days. I'm having night sweats. Depression. Anxiety. I'm so tired and exhausted I've sat at my desk and cried for three days now. I'm scared as hell of letting myself and my son down. My husband doesn't think i have a problem, but I know better. And I'm afraid.

Wish me luck.

TheProdigy

I wish you all the best in your sober journey

MidnightRider

Welcome!
Great that you are here.
The first days are tough. Make sure to stay hydrated!

Best to you!

CreativeThinker

Welcome to SR Lady,

Congratulations on making the best decision you can ever make for yourself and your family. I came to SR 5 months ago and like you, I knew that I was an alcoholic, I didn't want to deal with the hangovers any longer, the feeling of shame and I was ready to make a change. I haven't had a drink since I joined SR and I haven't felt this good in years. If I can do it, anyone can!

What you have been experiencing the last 4 days is withdrawal symptoms from taking alcohol out of your system. You may want to see a doctor if the symptoms get worse (most likely they won't since it's been 4 days). The bad news is that recovery takes some time and once you start feeling better, your Addictive Voice (AV) is going to start telling you that you can drink again. DON'T LISTEN TO THE AV! The good news is that you are almost through the withdrawal period and you should begin to feel better soon.

Keep reading and posting here on SR. There are so many wonderful people here who will provide you with support and understanding as we are all in this together. Additionally, there's a plethora of information about alcoholism as well...check out the stickys at the top of the website.

Glad to have you here...hang in...it will get so much better...PROMISE!

BrandNewLife

I have almost the exact same story. Almost 3 weeks sober now; that first week is the worst. It gets better every day after that.

Reading the stories of people here, listening to The Bubble Hour and the Home Podcast constantly and doing yoga daily have helped me immensely. Reminding myself I hold the power to stop the cycle. Also having a wide variety of non-alcoholic beverages on hand - flavored sparkling waters, tea, juice. Emergency candy stash.

When cravings hit, come post here first. Talking through your craving helps it subside. Hugs and well wishes

LadyEngineer

What is the bubble hour and the home podcast??

jenuk

Hello ladyengineer, welcome to SR.

You should join our July class. We have been finding it helpful to check in daily and share stories. Good luck this time around.

Flinders39

Hi,
I also decided on Sunday that it was time to stop. This is the longest I've gone without a drink in over a year. I actually just ended up cancelling a dinner with a good friend because I was scared of caving-in and ordering a drink.
I wish I had better words of wisdom or advice for you right now. But, you're not alone.

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, LadyEngineer; very glad that you found us.

There are some great threads on the importance of a plan.

I will bump those threads and also post links to them in a moment.

SoberLeigh

As promised:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...highlight=Psst

SoberLeigh

The other:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...=recovery+plan

Taevans64

Hi, have you been completely honest with him. I stopped drinking on Monday. Last week, as I was preparing to quit and this week when I did, I had several very honest conversations with my wife and she questioned whether my problem was as bad as I was making out. It was only when I detailed the actual amount I consumed that she understood the extent of my problem. She was shocked at the actual amount I was drinking which surprised me as I didn't think I was overly concealing my drinking. She is now very supportive and helping me in my journey.

Dee74

Welcome LadyEngineer - and welcome to you too Flinders

SR helped me change my life - I know we can help you guys too

D

BrandNewLife

They're great recovery podcasts. I love love Home Podcast. Holly also has a blog http://www.hipsobriety.com/home/. It helps me to adjust my perspective from feeling deprived to feeling empowered.

PhoenixJ

Turn that fear into your advantage- look at it as a business problem. Yoy have everything to gain here. Remember- you are doing the stopping drinking FOR YOU firstly. That has to be the focus- otherwise everything else will just slip away. You are doing awesomely good. The first thing I did after the r-bottom from hell, was do what you are doing. Doc, counselling, here -and AA meetings. It sill leaves a sour taste to say the 'A' word. I am about 2 weeks off 18 months sober. I had the same awareness as you - early on- once and chose to ignore it, after all I was a successful professional. To giver into accepting I could not even stop drinking was going against the grain. Acceptance IS strength. Use this awareness well. Empathy and support to you. PJ

HTown

change up your routine as much as possible. wherever your routine to start drinking, break that. walk around the block, movie, sit in another room of the house, read, shower, etc. break the habit association. you can do this, i have just over a year. i am so much more present, and so much happier. good luck