I feel completely destroyed
 

I accidentky posted last thread so please delete admins...

I have been drinking for about 4 years and i am 21 now. Things recently got out of hand for me and i went downhill super fast i guess. So yesterday i get paid nd i decide to go to the casino where i almost lost everything and luckily got i back. However, by the time i left the place 6 hours later i am quite intoxicated. A mate of mine rings me to catch up at a night club so i go and i get completely ********* there and even got throewn out.

After being thrown out i take 1 hour to sober up a bit asi can barely walk. After i managed to walk again i start roaming the city streets and long story short i end up in some dark alley getting a ******* by a hooker. After we go back to the main street and i ******* realize she is actually HE..... I start swearing and breaking **** on street, how there was no cops to arrest me i dnt know...

After about half and hour later i realize most of my money is missing and what i do is go to the casino again where i lost everything. After all that happened i am at this point crying in my way home. I come home still super intoxicated, i had to tell my mom i lost my whole pay and obviosly we had a heated argument where i went nuts. I wake up eight hours later and remembering all this **** and i just feel devastated.

I know no one cares about my drunken stories but i just feel soo sad that i dnt know if i will ever get over what happend. I HATE alcohol, it has destoyed my self respect, i cant believe all this happend simply because i was drunk.....

Welcome. Whole hearted welcome.

Welcome! This is a great place!

Sounds chillingly familiar. I excluded myself from all my local casinos so I couldn't go there drunk. But eventually a new one opened up and I went there loaded. The only solution for me was in the end to realise that the alcohol was the problem. These things have never happened to the sober version of me. Before or since I quit drinking. I can't promise YOU won't do these things that cause all this distress when you remember them if you stop drinking. It's very likely that you will though. You have to want to stop drinking more than you want to carry on though.

Good luck

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I have promised myself that i will NEVER will have another drink and really will not but just thinking about what happend makes my sick to my stomach..

Ending up broke and violated by a tranny only because of alcohol is just rock bottom..... I am so ashamed :( Dont even know if i will ever be able to get over this... Cannot believe one night if drinking can end up in such a disaster.

"Dont even know if i will ever be able to get over this.."

Consider it the gateway to your future,
a door through which
you had to pass.

I merged both of your threads into one.

To be honest, I don't think the gender of the prostitute or them doing what they're paid to do is really the issue to focus on here, v0da.

Sounds like you made some bad decisions.
Alcohol and I made a bad pair too.

You can move on from this, and you can make your future be markedly different to your past.

Thats a great first step, man :)

D

I got this feeling like.. I've read this before. Or seen it in a movie.

I've done some humiliating things when drunk.. Most people do stupid things when drunk, and some of us do exceedingly stupid things.. with time, they become less painful.

v0da - You're wrong - we do care about your story. That's why we're all here - to share what we've been through & make plans to change the way our story will end.

I drank almost 30 yrs. At 22 I knew I didn't drink like other people - but I did nothing to stop the runaway train. So you're wiser than I was, in terms of reclaiming your life. I went on trying to drink socially until I nearly destroyed myself and those who loved & trusted me. Thankfully, you have many years ahead to have a wonderful, alcohol-free life. Welcome!

The cruelty of alcohol is there are those who do not get the opportunity to sober up and tell their story. Likely upon reflection there will one day be some gratitude for this pain, today. I know there was for me.

Rise up, take action and stay willing to change. You are very young and have the potential of having a full life. You may have just been given the gift of desperation.

I hear many heart wrenching stories as most do here. There can be two outcomes; thing improved or

and then it got worse...........

Thank you all very much for taking the time to read and say something positive to me. I will do the impossible if i have to in order to stay sober. I guess i have been denying there was a problem and something like this had to happen so i can finally admit there is in fact a problem.

Everytime i feel like drinking i will remember the distress i feel today and i know i will succeed. I wish everyone success with recovering. I finally learned that alcohol is a devil and it aint worth even 1 second of my time...

Welcome v0da - as miserable as you feel right now - this may have happened for a reason. You can start your life over. Move on from this horrendous night and start building your life up for the better. You will feel better in time I assure you X

Welcome to you, this is a safe place where you will find a lot of support. It does sound like alcohol is causing you a lot of problems and that you cannot drink safely. Time to stop the madness.
I am very sorry for all of the things that you went through and have been through, I really am, it sounds like you are suffering greatly over the decisions you made while drunk. I would not be staying true to my own heart though if I did not point out that I agree with Dee, the gender or gender identity of the prostitute who provided the services you paid for is not really the issue here (and "tranny" is not such a nice word, by the way). I think what matters is that you were in such a drunken state that you could not completely evaluate the situation and decide with a clear head if you wanted to go forward with the transaction you requested.
You are perfectly within your right to decide from whom you would like to receive a *******, that said, it is not quite fair to now blame the prostitute who was just doing her job as requested, due to the fact that you found out "she" is in fact a "he"

It is hard to convey tone and intent in the written word, especially the we don't really know one another, but all of the above is said with kindness and no judgement, I just wanted to point out that all people are worthy of respect, that includes prostitutes and those that identify as transexual.

I think what you should focus on now is the fact that you made quite a few decisions that you definitely would not have made had you been sober.

It is not easy, actually, it is quite miserable to go through the self-hatred and regret from nights such as the one you describe, but self-loathing does nothing to help you move forward. What you need now is an action plan, something concrete you can use in order to be sure you never drink again and never have a night like that again.

We often speak here of having a solid recovery plan. There are quite a few links for that if you search. Very few people succeed in staying sober by just simply declaring "I'm never going to drink again!" You need a plan on how you will succeed in this journey. We are here to help.

Sending you much sympathy and support.