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'newcomer' chronic relapsing

Old 07-18-2017, 11:21 AM
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'newcomer' chronic relapsing

Hello,

Am a newcomer to the forum and a new comer with 1 day 'sober'. After having a few years of sobriety I made the decision to let up on my recovery and eventually picked back up. That was 5 years ago. Since then, I have had the desire to not use and feel i have been using against 'my desires'. I obtain 3 months of sobiety and that is the longest i have been able to obtain. I am a 12 step believer in that that i where and how i was a ble to get and be sober for a few years. I desperately want the freedom of sobriety and the thirst for it is there, but cannot seem to put together any time longer than 90 days in the past 5 years. So so defeated and baffled. I have tried the suboxone route, taking the 12 steps, meetings daily and feel like i am just out of steam and don't know what the point in trying any more is? anybody out there ever been stuck like this with true, honest willingness and desire, in and out and then finally able to get and stay sober? what did it take? what did you do? Been an 'opiate' addict for 15 yrs with 4 years of incredible sobriety in the middle there.

Glad to be a part of this forum. Have read and read for years but don't do this internet thing too much. Thanks for any feedback or suggestions.
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Old 07-18-2017, 12:36 PM
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YES! I totally understand. First of all, welcome to the forum, sorry for what brings you here, but we are happy to have you.
I really do know what it feels like to want sobriety more than anything in the world and think that you are doing everything to get there but not be able to get there. I too was (am?) a chronic relapser. The single most important thing I have done so far is suck it up and go to inpatient rehab. Even that did not prevent a few relapses after my leaving but they were limited to a day or two and I was stronger than ever and able to get right back at it. Is rehab an option for you?
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Old 07-18-2017, 12:38 PM
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Welcome to SR, you will find lots of support on here. It took me a while to finally get sobriety right, and this site was a big part of my plan.

You said you are able to get to three months sober, what happens about that time that you choose to go back to drinking? I do not attend AA, but lots of people on here do, and may be around with some good advice about the 12 steps, it I would suggest putting a plan in place, and specifically thinking about what you will need when you get to that point in sobriety where you have gone back to drinking in the past.

You can do this, and being sober is worth it.
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Old 07-18-2017, 12:41 PM
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Welcome to the family. I hope our support can help you get clean and sober for good.
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Old 07-18-2017, 12:51 PM
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Welcome to SR, Scott. I tried for years to stop. My pattern of failure was because it as a PATTERN. I applied the same way of thinking. The same cycle- the same mistakes. I had to really look hard at myself- and change my thinking. The way I saw myself and how I did things. You probably have an awareness of the huge amount of online resources as well as what is near you.
AA works for me in so far as when I was doing the steps, with a sponsor- I did what I was told. When struggling for physical health in hospital from my burns- again I followed advice. Same with SMART, my GP, my counsellor and psychologist. I journal, had to get my depression under control. I HAD TO BEING THE PROCESS OF BELIEVING IN MYSELF. Otherwise I was going to repeat the same cycle. That AA bit of the definition of insanity for the alcie - is continually doing the same things without success to 'hope' this time around it will be different. If I leave home every morning at exactly 0900 to catch a tram..and every morning I miss the same tram by 2 minutes....well.
Support to you.
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Old 07-18-2017, 02:39 PM
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HEY!!! I hope you do this internet thing more often because I can not tell you how much I appreciate your post!!!!! Once again to know that there is someone out there with my story is a blessing. I can relate. What I am doing different today than yesterday is I filled up my evening tonite by offering to help someone else and I have made the decision that I am NOT going to buy alcohol on the way home tonite. Let's do this together........
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Old 07-18-2017, 03:05 PM
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Wonderful to meet you, Scottie. We're so glad to have you here. Hope you stick around - we're strong together.
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Old 07-18-2017, 04:59 PM
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Welcome scottiedk

you'll find a lot of support and good ideas here - read around, post as much as you like

D
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