Ashamed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1
Ashamed
Not really sure how to start this... Im going through a divorce and now living in an apartment. I work 10 to 12 hours a day. I have now found myself drinking every night after work. Wife had an affair with my bestfriend and I'm know I'm drowning the pain with beer! I'm lost and hate who I've become! All I want is to be myself again but it doesn't seem like I can do it!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Welcome to the family. 
I'm sorry for the circumstances that bring you here, but I know you'll find lots of support.
You can stop drinking but it has to be your number 1 priority. I finally got sober for good when I was sick and tired of always being sick and tired.
I hope the support here can help you get sober.
I'm sorry for the circumstances that bring you here, but I know you'll find lots of support.You can stop drinking but it has to be your number 1 priority. I finally got sober for good when I was sick and tired of always being sick and tired.
I hope the support here can help you get sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
You need support? AA meetings or SMART...a professional friend- counselling? Alcohol will just make any crappy feelings you have come back worse, which will mean more drinking to reach oblivion...wash,repeat.
Support to you.
Support to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi antisaint
I'm sorry for what you've been through but as you're discovering, drinking doesn't help you and it won't hurt them.
SR helped me turn my life around,
This is a great community. I know we can help you too - welcome
I'm sorry for what you've been through but as you're discovering, drinking doesn't help you and it won't hurt them.
SR helped me turn my life around,
This is a great community. I know we can help you too - welcome
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Hi Anti. I'm also sorry for what brings you here. Sounds like you already know that drinking to numb the pain of divorce/infidelity is counter productive to you. But I can't stress it enough. It's the worst possible thing you can do. Alcohol will keep you from dealing with the pain, which in turn halts the healing process dead in its tracks. Every time we drink to numb the pain, all we're doing it putting it off for another day. I speak from an experience very similar to yours. As a counselor once told me "the pain is the healing". The sooner you face it head on, sober, and embrace it as much as you can stand, the sooner the heart and mind heal. Be patient and gentle with yourself, and above all, if you think you need professional help, like a counselor or something, don't hesitate! There is no shame in asking for help! Wishing you well!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Man..I've been cheated on multiple times,including my wife(ex)/friend(ex). I drank through it and chased women like crazy..I was young,dumb and didn't know any better. My most recent ex also cheated on me a few years ago and I did the same thing..Drink to hide my pain. Chase women to hide my pain. Isolate to hide my pain. Now I don't have the excuse of being 'young and dumb'. I blamed them for my drinking at times. I blamed my DUI on my ex for a while. Then I got sober and realized that I'm only hurting myself by hiding my pain. I can't control what others do. I can't control how moral another person is. I can only control myself. I know it hurts and hurts bad! Just hang in there and trust me it's WAY easier to deal with problems with a clear mind and conscience. Also...don't give her the satisfaction of 'driving you to the bottle'.
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