Day 1 AGAIN.......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 61
Day 1 AGAIN.......
Well I don't know how I keep going back when it's the last thing that I want to do, I want to get sober and stay sober more than anything but there's obviously a reason I keep drinking, yesterdays excuse was the football. I am really starting to think that I need to do something more positive with my life but wish I had done it before now.
It was 2 years ago almost I lost custody on my children and due to them being accomodated I have seen them 12 times in the past year, my oldest is going to secondary school next month and I hate myself for not being able to be there, to see her and support her, the good thing is though that the three of them have eachother. I try to tell myself that if I stay sober there is more of a chance they will return one day. But I can't guarantee that, and even if so it still won't make up for all the years I'll have missed out on.
It breaks my heart, and I hate myself for this, but sometimes I feel it may be too late the damage has already been done, has anyone experienced anything similar? and does anyone recommend anything else except AA??
I live in the UK and know there is loads out there, but need real people's advice!!
Thank You
It was 2 years ago almost I lost custody on my children and due to them being accomodated I have seen them 12 times in the past year, my oldest is going to secondary school next month and I hate myself for not being able to be there, to see her and support her, the good thing is though that the three of them have eachother. I try to tell myself that if I stay sober there is more of a chance they will return one day. But I can't guarantee that, and even if so it still won't make up for all the years I'll have missed out on.
It breaks my heart, and I hate myself for this, but sometimes I feel it may be too late the damage has already been done, has anyone experienced anything similar? and does anyone recommend anything else except AA??
I live in the UK and know there is loads out there, but need real people's advice!!
Thank You
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East Midlands UK
Posts: 502
Hi Allyson
You can not change anything that has gone before. But you can make the decision on how the future will be.
I am not the best person to advise as I am only on day 2 (again) but things CAN and will be better.
Take each hour at a time. Sometimes in the beginning even planning a day ahead can be a mammoth task.
Your children will see and appreciate the work you put into becoming and staying sober. While they will remember the past, they will live in the present.
As regards getting them back - I am no lawyer and know nothing about how social services work BUT being sober can only work in your favour. Whether it be having them back full time or having your contact increased.
Good luck x
You can not change anything that has gone before. But you can make the decision on how the future will be.
I am not the best person to advise as I am only on day 2 (again) but things CAN and will be better.
Take each hour at a time. Sometimes in the beginning even planning a day ahead can be a mammoth task.
Your children will see and appreciate the work you put into becoming and staying sober. While they will remember the past, they will live in the present.
As regards getting them back - I am no lawyer and know nothing about how social services work BUT being sober can only work in your favour. Whether it be having them back full time or having your contact increased.
Good luck x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by StartAnew68 
Hi Allyson
You can not change anything that has gone before. But you can make the decision on how the future will be.
I am not the best person to advise as I am only on day 2 (again) but things CAN and will be better.
Take each hour at a time. Sometimes in the beginning even planning a day ahead can be a mammoth task.
Your children will see and appreciate the work you put into becoming and staying sober. While they will remember the past, they will live in the present.
As regards getting them back - I am no lawyer and know nothing about how social services work BUT being sober can only work in your favour. Whether it be having them back full time or having your contact increased.
Good luck x
You can not change anything that has gone before. But you can make the decision on how the future will be.
I am not the best person to advise as I am only on day 2 (again) but things CAN and will be better.
Take each hour at a time. Sometimes in the beginning even planning a day ahead can be a mammoth task.
Your children will see and appreciate the work you put into becoming and staying sober. While they will remember the past, they will live in the present.
As regards getting them back - I am no lawyer and know nothing about how social services work BUT being sober can only work in your favour. Whether it be having them back full time or having your contact increased.
Good luck x
Thank you and I know it's the only way, it's just such a struggle especially when my heads telling me there isn't any point but I am sick of being this way and well done on your day 2 ....... xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East Midlands UK
Posts: 502
Originally Posted by Allyson1986xxx
Thank you and I know it's the only way, it's just such a struggle especially when my heads telling me there
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by StartAnew68
You're right - it is a harder struggle than I ever thought it would be.x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 370
Originally Posted by StartAnew68
You're right - it is a harder struggle than I ever thought it would be.x
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Hi Allyson,
My heart goes out to you and your children.
I totally get seeing alcohol as your only friend. Some friend that turned out to be. I didn’t see it was the problem, but all the time it was taking life from me bit by bit.
Get help wherever you can. SR saved me from relapse so many times. I go to AA every day, got help from local drug and alcohol people, told a friend I thought would understand, stopped the partying, read posts here for hours when I had insomnia, walked the dog for miles, went to mindfulness, talked to the doctor.
I’ve got 71 days today and am starting to face some of the problems alcohol caused. Sobriety brings so many rewards. Take care of yourself and concentrate on today. You can’t change the past and it takes away energy you need for now. Keep posting.
My heart goes out to you and your children.
I totally get seeing alcohol as your only friend. Some friend that turned out to be. I didn’t see it was the problem, but all the time it was taking life from me bit by bit.
Get help wherever you can. SR saved me from relapse so many times. I go to AA every day, got help from local drug and alcohol people, told a friend I thought would understand, stopped the partying, read posts here for hours when I had insomnia, walked the dog for miles, went to mindfulness, talked to the doctor.
I’ve got 71 days today and am starting to face some of the problems alcohol caused. Sobriety brings so many rewards. Take care of yourself and concentrate on today. You can’t change the past and it takes away energy you need for now. Keep posting.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
I try to tell myself that if I stay sober there is more of a chance they will return one day. But I can't guarantee that, and even if so it still won't make up for all the years I'll have missed out on.
No AV (addictive voice) can argue against that.
Have you checked out our Class Of July support thread?
all you need to do to join is post.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-one-18.html
Great support there, especially when you're straggling
D
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Hi Allyson, I really feel for you because my eldest starts secondary school next term. It's a very emotional time and I couldn't imagine what it would be like if she wasn't living with me.
You've got to get sober and stay sober if you want any chance of getting your kids back. It's never too late. If you think it's too late, you'll give up trying and then you'll never get them back.
Don't drink today. Read loads of threads on this site. If you can, watch the Louis Thereoux documentary called "Drinking to Oblivion" for a reminder of the long term effects of alcohol abuse. Maybe join the July 2017 class and have a look at the 24 hour thread. I find that particularly helpful and encouraging. Just don't give up. You've got three very good reasons not to give up. Your kids need you to beat this Allyson and you've got it in you to do it. I'm rooting for you and I'm here if you need any support.
You've got to get sober and stay sober if you want any chance of getting your kids back. It's never too late. If you think it's too late, you'll give up trying and then you'll never get them back.
Don't drink today. Read loads of threads on this site. If you can, watch the Louis Thereoux documentary called "Drinking to Oblivion" for a reminder of the long term effects of alcohol abuse. Maybe join the July 2017 class and have a look at the 24 hour thread. I find that particularly helpful and encouraging. Just don't give up. You've got three very good reasons not to give up. Your kids need you to beat this Allyson and you've got it in you to do it. I'm rooting for you and I'm here if you need any support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
Why 'except AA?' Up to you of course. I go for getting out of my headspace and the biscuits..and I learn too. There is alo (for me- because I go to AA..3-5 weekly but I am not a god job AA freak- with respect) SMART, seeing a counsellor, LOTS OF READING...especially about CBT..it works, a guy called Dr Burns (oh the irony). I try to learn as uch from other people as I can. I journal like a maniac- not daily, but all the time. I paint- arty stuff to help me learn patience and think, I have a counsellor for every day stuff and not drinking, I see a psychologist for support with a damaged past, I get regular checkups with my GP...like getting a fluvax..the really sick ones are starting now. I post here a lot. I get involved with positive stuff that gets me moving. That is the key- to keep moving.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi and welcome and tons of support to you. Why is AA off the table? Could you give it a try? I am in a location where I am unable to attend AA meetings (and frankly don't like the one meeting that I could occasionally get to) but I was willing to do ANYTHING to increase my chances of staying sober. I found an online sponsor and am working the steps of AA, there are also online meetings available.
In addition to that, there is therapy and seeing your doctor about medications available. What about rehab? Rehab is the number one thing that got me going on a serious party towards recovery. I have had some relapses since leaving over a year ago but they have been short lived and I have gotten back on track almost immediately. I am now going on four months after my last relapse and feel stronger than ever. My plan includes using medication, therapy, meeting with my old psychologist at the rehab I went to, working the steps of AA and what I call my "better me" plan which includes reading (both works of fiction and non-fiction to try and learn something new), karate which helps me physically but also mentally and gives me both short term and long term goals to work towards which I could not accomplish if I were drinking (improving various moves and longer term goals of getting a higher color belt), improving my garden and using the things I grow to make healthy food, this week I will be making pear mostarda from all the pears I have, french lessons- I have always wanted to learn the language and learning a new language will increase my chances of finding a job in the future when I start searching for work in an office (right now I work for myself out of my home). Lastly, volunteer work. I have chosen to work not with a formal group, but I am spending time with a small group of refugees from Nigeria and have put myself at their service to help with things like translations, interpretations, managing the legal system and bureaucracy, helping them clean their home, repairs, donating food and diapers and generally just trying to be a friend to them. It is something that helps them but I would say helps me even more. I feel good when i do something for others and feeling good makes me want to stay sober.
In addition to that, there is therapy and seeing your doctor about medications available. What about rehab? Rehab is the number one thing that got me going on a serious party towards recovery. I have had some relapses since leaving over a year ago but they have been short lived and I have gotten back on track almost immediately. I am now going on four months after my last relapse and feel stronger than ever. My plan includes using medication, therapy, meeting with my old psychologist at the rehab I went to, working the steps of AA and what I call my "better me" plan which includes reading (both works of fiction and non-fiction to try and learn something new), karate which helps me physically but also mentally and gives me both short term and long term goals to work towards which I could not accomplish if I were drinking (improving various moves and longer term goals of getting a higher color belt), improving my garden and using the things I grow to make healthy food, this week I will be making pear mostarda from all the pears I have, french lessons- I have always wanted to learn the language and learning a new language will increase my chances of finding a job in the future when I start searching for work in an office (right now I work for myself out of my home). Lastly, volunteer work. I have chosen to work not with a formal group, but I am spending time with a small group of refugees from Nigeria and have put myself at their service to help with things like translations, interpretations, managing the legal system and bureaucracy, helping them clean their home, repairs, donating food and diapers and generally just trying to be a friend to them. It is something that helps them but I would say helps me even more. I feel good when i do something for others and feeling good makes me want to stay sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by Weev1l
Hi Allyson,
My heart goes out to you and your children.
I totally get seeing alcohol as your only friend. Some friend that turned out to be. I didn’t see it was the problem, but all the time it was taking life from me bit by bit.
Get help wherever you can. SR saved me from relapse so many times. I go to AA every day, got help from local drug and alcohol people, told a friend I thought would understand, stopped the partying, read posts here for hours when I had insomnia, walked the dog for miles, went to mindfulness, talked to the doctor.
I’ve got 71 days today and am starting to face some of the problems alcohol caused. Sobriety brings so many rewards. Take care of yourself and concentrate on today. You can’t change the past and it takes away energy you need for now. Keep posting.
My heart goes out to you and your children.
I totally get seeing alcohol as your only friend. Some friend that turned out to be. I didn’t see it was the problem, but all the time it was taking life from me bit by bit.
Get help wherever you can. SR saved me from relapse so many times. I go to AA every day, got help from local drug and alcohol people, told a friend I thought would understand, stopped the partying, read posts here for hours when I had insomnia, walked the dog for miles, went to mindfulness, talked to the doctor.
I’ve got 71 days today and am starting to face some of the problems alcohol caused. Sobriety brings so many rewards. Take care of yourself and concentrate on today. You can’t change the past and it takes away energy you need for now. Keep posting.
Thank you so much for you're kind words x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by Dee74
You can guarantee that you won't get your kids back if you keep drinking tho.
No AV (addictive voice) can argue against that.
Have you checked out our Class Of July support thread?
all you need to do to join is post.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-one-18.html
Great support there, especially when you're straggling
D
No AV (addictive voice) can argue against that.
Have you checked out our Class Of July support thread?
all you need to do to join is post.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-one-18.html
Great support there, especially when you're straggling
D
Thank you so much trying to find my way on the site, just new to this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by kenton
Hi Allyson, I really feel for you because my eldest starts secondary school next term. It's a very emotional time and I couldn't imagine what it would be like if she wasn't living with me.
You've got to get sober and stay sober if you want any chance of getting your kids back. It's never too late. If you think it's too late, you'll give up trying and then you'll never get them back.
Don't drink today. Read loads of threads on this site. If you can, watch the Louis Thereoux documentary called "Drinking to Oblivion" for a reminder of the long term effects of alcohol abuse. Maybe join the July 2017 class and have a look at the 24 hour thread. I find that particularly helpful and encouraging. Just don't give up. You've got three very good reasons not to give up. Your kids need you to beat this Allyson and you've got it in you to do it. I'm rooting for you and I'm here if you need any support.
You've got to get sober and stay sober if you want any chance of getting your kids back. It's never too late. If you think it's too late, you'll give up trying and then you'll never get them back.
Don't drink today. Read loads of threads on this site. If you can, watch the Louis Thereoux documentary called "Drinking to Oblivion" for a reminder of the long term effects of alcohol abuse. Maybe join the July 2017 class and have a look at the 24 hour thread. I find that particularly helpful and encouraging. Just don't give up. You've got three very good reasons not to give up. Your kids need you to beat this Allyson and you've got it in you to do it. I'm rooting for you and I'm here if you need any support.
Thank you so so much I'm going to watch that just now x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
Why 'except AA?' Up to you of course. I go for getting out of my headspace and the biscuits..and I learn too. There is alo (for me- because I go to AA..3-5 weekly but I am not a god job AA freak- with respect) SMART, seeing a counsellor, LOTS OF READING...especially about CBT..it works, a guy called Dr Burns (oh the irony). I try to learn as uch from other people as I can. I journal like a maniac- not daily, but all the time. I paint- arty stuff to help me learn patience and think, I have a counsellor for every day stuff and not drinking, I see a psychologist for support with a damaged past, I get regular checkups with my GP...like getting a fluvax..the really sick ones are starting now. I post here a lot. I get involved with positive stuff that gets me moving. That is the key- to keep moving.
I have tried AA before and I kept going back out I am willing to go back definetly, anything to get me sober and I have been doing a lot of writing, reading back on it though you I can tell my heads a bit shattered but thank you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Hi and welcome and tons of support to you. Why is AA off the table? Could you give it a try? I am in a location where I am unable to attend AA meetings (and frankly don't like the one meeting that I could occasionally get to) but I was willing to do ANYTHING to increase my chances of staying sober. I found an online sponsor and am working the steps of AA, there are also online meetings available.
In addition to that, there is therapy and seeing your doctor about medications available. What about rehab? Rehab is the number one thing that got me going on a serious party towards recovery. I have had some relapses since leaving over a year ago but they have been short lived and I have gotten back on track almost immediately. I am now going on four months after my last relapse and feel stronger than ever. My plan includes using medication, therapy, meeting with my old psychologist at the rehab I went to, working the steps of AA and what I call my "better me" plan which includes reading (both works of fiction and non-fiction to try and learn something new), karate which helps me physically but also mentally and gives me both short term and long term goals to work towards which I could not accomplish if I were drinking (improving various moves and longer term goals of getting a higher color belt), improving my garden and using the things I grow to make healthy food, this week I will be making pear mostarda from all the pears I have, french lessons- I have always wanted to learn the language and learning a new language will increase my chances of finding a job in the future when I start searching for work in an office (right now I work for myself out of my home). Lastly, volunteer work. I have chosen to work not with a formal group, but I am spending time with a small group of refugees from Nigeria and have put myself at their service to help with things like translations, interpretations, managing the legal system and bureaucracy, helping them clean their home, repairs, donating food and diapers and generally just trying to be a friend to them. It is something that helps them but I would say helps me even more. I feel good when i do something for others and feeling good makes me want to stay sober.
In addition to that, there is therapy and seeing your doctor about medications available. What about rehab? Rehab is the number one thing that got me going on a serious party towards recovery. I have had some relapses since leaving over a year ago but they have been short lived and I have gotten back on track almost immediately. I am now going on four months after my last relapse and feel stronger than ever. My plan includes using medication, therapy, meeting with my old psychologist at the rehab I went to, working the steps of AA and what I call my "better me" plan which includes reading (both works of fiction and non-fiction to try and learn something new), karate which helps me physically but also mentally and gives me both short term and long term goals to work towards which I could not accomplish if I were drinking (improving various moves and longer term goals of getting a higher color belt), improving my garden and using the things I grow to make healthy food, this week I will be making pear mostarda from all the pears I have, french lessons- I have always wanted to learn the language and learning a new language will increase my chances of finding a job in the future when I start searching for work in an office (right now I work for myself out of my home). Lastly, volunteer work. I have chosen to work not with a formal group, but I am spending time with a small group of refugees from Nigeria and have put myself at their service to help with things like translations, interpretations, managing the legal system and bureaucracy, helping them clean their home, repairs, donating food and diapers and generally just trying to be a friend to them. It is something that helps them but I would say helps me even more. I feel good when i do something for others and feeling good makes me want to stay sober.
That is a great plan you've got in action, I know that when I'm bored that's when I drink and AA isn't off the cards I went before and would go back but I need more because it wasn't enough the last time. And well done to you that's amazing!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by kenton
Hi Allyson, I really feel for you because my eldest starts secondary school next term. It's a very emotional time and I couldn't imagine what it would be like if she wasn't living with me.
You've got to get sober and stay sober if you want any chance of getting your kids back. It's never too late. If you think it's too late, you'll give up trying and then you'll never get them back.
Don't drink today. Read loads of threads on this site. If you can, watch the Louis Thereoux documentary called "Drinking to Oblivion" for a reminder of the long term effects of alcohol abuse. Maybe join the July 2017 class and have a look at the 24 hour thread. I find that particularly helpful and encouraging. Just don't give up. You've got three very good reasons not to give up. Your kids need you to beat this Allyson and you've got it in you to do it. I'm rooting for you and I'm here if you need any support.
You've got to get sober and stay sober if you want any chance of getting your kids back. It's never too late. If you think it's too late, you'll give up trying and then you'll never get them back.
Don't drink today. Read loads of threads on this site. If you can, watch the Louis Thereoux documentary called "Drinking to Oblivion" for a reminder of the long term effects of alcohol abuse. Maybe join the July 2017 class and have a look at the 24 hour thread. I find that particularly helpful and encouraging. Just don't give up. You've got three very good reasons not to give up. Your kids need you to beat this Allyson and you've got it in you to do it. I'm rooting for you and I'm here if you need any support.
And I feel so good tonight so thank you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
