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Old 07-14-2017, 03:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
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New here, this is my story


Hi,

I'm 26 years old, I live in France and I've been an alcoholic for 5 years.

I was not drinking every day for 5 years because my addiction works in cycles : I would drink every night (alone) for maybe 6 months, get sober for 2 months to pass my exams and get back in a decent shape then I would drawn in alcohol for another 6 months.
During my drinking periods I would put on UNBELIEVABLE amounts of weight, then get completely disgusted with myself and lose it all during the 2 months sober on a crash diet. I feel like this endless cycle really took a toll on my body.

I think that I drink because I hate myself and the more I drink the more I hate myself. I always feel like I have wasted so much time drinking instead of achieving stuff.

My personality changed a whole lot during the last 5 years. I went from being friendly and spontaneous to extremely solitary and calculating everything. It's not a problem though, I 'm used to it and I like it now.

I've been sober for 6 days now and I'm feeling good. Never experienced withdrawals or anything like that. I know for sure that the next two months will be like a honeymoon with my sobriety but then I'll feel good again and I'll want to drink again. This time I won't let it happen though, I have too much to loose.

Thanks for reading this
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Old 07-14-2017, 04:01 AM   #2 (permalink)
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welcome to SR The Prodigy

You might find like I did you rediscover a you you've forgotten and quite like

congrats on 6 days
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Old 07-14-2017, 04:53 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi prodigy and welcome to SR. I have a question for you, do you isolate during your two months sober?

You are smart to catch this while you are young. So many of us were not that smart or lucky or whatever you want to call it.
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Old 07-14-2017, 05:02 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you both for you warm welcome.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
Hi prodigy and welcome to SR. I have a question for you, do you isolate during your two months sober? .
Absolutely, most times I go on a "quarantine" to stay sober.
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Old 07-14-2017, 05:43 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome! 6 days is a great start!!
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Old 07-14-2017, 05:58 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome.

Sounds to me like sobriety will be a big improvement in your life!

It sure has been for me.
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Old 07-14-2017, 06:30 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Great to see you here !
6 Days Congrats
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Old 07-14-2017, 06:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I just re-read your post...

PLEASE - Stay strong and break this cycle.

I can tell you...It gets so much better. Take control and You will be confident and happy again. Trust me.. I know you can do it if I could..
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Old 07-14-2017, 07:18 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family. I hope the support here can help you break the drinking cycle and get sober for good.
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Old 07-14-2017, 09:13 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I hope that you break the cycle. Gaining and losing weight over and over again will take a toll on your body, along with the alcoholism. Maybe you can put a plan in place so that when you get the urge to begin drinking again, you will be prepared.
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Old 07-14-2017, 09:21 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Welcome Prodigy!

I am 27 and I can relate to a lot of what you have described. My relationship with alcohol and food/binge eating has also been cyclical, with periods of sobriety and regimented eating and exercise punctuating the alcohol and food binges.

Ultimately, I decided that I was done forfeiting my life to this maladaptive behaviour, and I've decided to take control for once and for all. I am now 6 weeks sober, and my short term goal is to reach one year without food binging or extreme dieting, whilst maintaining my sobriety long term.

I went to see a psychotherapist for a few months and found that this greatly helped to strengthen my resolve and mindset for embarking on this journey and to plan for long term success by identifying triggers and focusing on how to mitigate these as they arise.

I have found the community here on SR invaluable for ongoing encouragement and reinforcement of my decision to create long term sobriety benchmarks and not to succumb to my usual cyclical downfalls.

Wishing you all the best, and welcome to SR!!
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Old 07-14-2017, 09:49 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks guys, I really appreciate your support.
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Old 07-14-2017, 09:59 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheProdigy View Post
Thank you both for you warm welcome.



Absolutely, most times I go on a "quarantine" to stay sober.
Interesting. Could be you're simply introverted like myself, or if your not comfortable isolating, maybe something a little deeper going on. either way, stick with us and enjoy the sobriety journey. Its much better than the alcohol jail we put ourselves in.
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Old 07-14-2017, 10:44 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I have a question for those who have been sober for a long time, how did you handle the fact that you will never be able to drink again? Like sometimes I'm left wondering "man, I have no escape now, I'm stuck in "reality" for good/I'll never be able to celebrate again ". Do you just ignore it or do you accept it ?
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Old 07-14-2017, 11:22 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I have not been a long time sober but I can tell you how it works for me. trying to ignore the fact that I can't
ever drink again is tough on me as I bet most alcoholics in early sobriety but the more times I relapse the more I learn to accept it.

you're young. try to get a grip on it now.
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Old 07-14-2017, 11:30 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Welcome , I hope you hang on to the good feeling and keep it going . Maybe coming here is the first of many steps forward and you can tackle your issues one by one. Hugs to you!
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Old 07-14-2017, 02:09 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheProdigy View Post
I have a question for those who have been sober for a long time, how did you handle the fact that you will never be able to drink again? Like sometimes I'm left wondering "man, I have no escape now, I'm stuck in "reality" for good/I'll never be able to celebrate again ". Do you just ignore it or do you accept it ?
Only speaking for myself, but if you can come to grips with acceptance things will be much better. Its a leap of faith and tough to do, but it sets your mind free.
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Old 07-14-2017, 02:57 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
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I have a question for those who have been sober for a long time,

how did you handle the fact that you will never be able to drink again?
Good question.

It just came to the point where I can accept it..... I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN.... Just plain and simple.

It's like other things... I don't smoke anymore either. I don't snort stuff anymore... I don't jump out of airplanes (well I never did that ... So I don't miss it).

But really ... My mind and body are MUCH better off now. So are my relationships.... My music ...

I can really "feel" that I made the right decision.

Good wishes to you today!!
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Old 07-14-2017, 04:01 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Hi TheProdigy - it's so good to have you join us.

Congratulations on your 6 sober days.

I was rather sorry for myself in the early days - even though I knew I would lose my life if I didn't quit. I kept thinking only of the fun times - not the horrible, dangerous situation drinking had put me in. After a while I felt so much better being sober that the longing to drink left me almost completely. It was such a relief to be free of it. Try not to look too far down the road - be patient with yourself.
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Old 07-14-2017, 05:01 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Welcome to the Forum TheProdigy!!
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