2dayzmuse

(((Danielle)))

I continued to slip until I got a sponser and worked the steps. It makes a difference. I haven't slipped since. That extra tool in the arsenal makes a huge difference. The difference between fighting a craving or caving to it. You beat yourself up enough. Time to make the change that works. You can do this Danielle. I know you can. Draw strength...

LeAnne

tryinagain

Well put Bro....seriously. I was going to say the same thing. My wife and daughter sat me down when I told them that I am going to "quit, I'm done" and asked if I knew what those words really meant. They both told me what drinking had done to our life, not to guilt me but to not say those words unless I truly understand them as I had said them before. They then took the extra step and told me what they meant to them. "Sorry" means that you will never do it again. If it is possible to happen again at some time in the future, then use "I apologize". "Quit and Done" are final, period. Just like sorry, at no point in the future will this ever happen again. No fleeting moment of sincerity, nothing..done is done and quit is quit. Final, old news, end of story, start a new page. If you are not sure, then say "I will try or something equivalent but quit and done are "do" words. I did the normal "alcoholic" thing and told them I am sorry for the pain I have caused and that "I quit, I am done". They believed me. Two days later, I was at the store for something, milk and bread for breakfast and lunches the next day , I think. Whatever it was, it was at the same store that I always went to make a short beer run, of course asking my wife and daughter if they needed anything. Anyway, habit took over and before I knew it, I was standing at the counter with bread, lunchmeat, milk, chips and a 12 pack of Bud Light. The cashier got to the beer and before she scanned it, I caught her. I asked her politely if she could have someone put it back and mumbled...Done is Done...I quit...never again. She smiled, took it off the counter and rang up the rest. Before I left the counter she said "I wish my son and husband had that strength". I smiled back and said "strength is not what they need, realizing their weakness is". She smiled back and said "You are so right and God Bless You!". The next guy in line said "I will take that" about the beer only he had his child with him, maybe 8 years old. I cannot tell you the look that I seen in that childs face or the pain in his eyes. All I can say is that I will never be that person again...ever!! Done is Done and Quit is Quit...period.

JaySee

Hey Sqizz

Sorry you're hurting - but this will pass. Another lesson learned, boy have I had many of those myself. But, in a strange way, my last drink just really brought home to me what I already knew, and you know too, that it isn't going to be any different.

I get those "screw it" moments, but what I try and do now is call someone, a fellow traveller, force myself to do it, although I don't want to right at that moment, but I do, and it works.

much love
JC

squirrelly77

Again, thank you all my friends here. Your words are what I'm drawing strength from in these first few days.
By the grace of God, I did not pick up this morning before I got to work. I was thinking about it...just for the hair of the dog effect. It's not that bad, I mean--at least I'm not shakey or nautious. I remember my last bender, after the detox, my hands were shaking so bad that my writing looked like a 90-year old woman's with arthritis! As Dan said...we're only as sick as the secrets we keep. So, I'm going to try to really let my true feelings out...something I'm not used to doing. I'm re-learning how it is to be vulnerable. I'm going to expose the soft underbelly of all my emotions and feelings, subjecting myself to the possibility of being hurt. But, such is being human.

Danielle (working on Day 2--ODAT! )

squirrelly77

BTW---Electrolyte-inhanced water is VUNDEBAR!
<---me against those pretty, shiny bottles. Is it me because I'm an alcoholic that those liquor manufacturers make the bottles so eye-appealing? I wonder if a non-alcoholic would think the same thing. Probably not.

Privet

At work, and not hungover!!!! Feels great. I still have got to clean up those guilt-inducing bottles laying around my house...throwing them in the trash is a somehow symbolic act...get them the heck out of here, and forget that episode.

I have got to try and not forget how I felt yesterday, not pretend that I can actually go back to those days when I would only have a few in front of the TV in the evening, and then go to bed safely. I guess I just forgot, plus a few days before that I had a "decent" night of drinking, didn't get too messed up, didn't get into any trouble, and that boosted my confidence that I could drink, just that one time, like a normal person.

Also, what you said Danielle, rings true with me...when I'm alone, I get depressing thoughts running around my head, and sometimes reading or a movie helps....but I can only go so long, go to school, and then work, and then come home and watch a movie by myself before it gets very boring. But today I'm sober, THANK GOD!!!

Jess

eddie z.

what do you guys do to fill all that time that was once spent drinking? —Privet

Meetings, reading, writing, talking on the phone, going out with others in recovery, etc., but it all started with meetings for me. And think about this. What did you do while you were drinking? I mean, very few of us JUST drank. With the help of others, you can enjoy many of these things even MORE sober. I still rent a lot of movies, for example. Just some ideas...


(((Danielle))) Love you! I suffer from PMDD some months, not every month. I just get depressed and irritable though, not really anxious exactly, but I can definitely see how it might be a trigger.

I take a medication that blocks narcotics (my DOC), but it's also supposed to help with cravings, for alcohol and opiates. It seems to help, because I don't really crave either. Just something else that might help.

Love and hugs everybody,
Eddie

squirrelly77

I just thought that I would bump this one up. To see how far I've come in a little over a year is pretty cool.

But, I'm definitely an alcoholic of the educational variety--which can sometimes be a complete b*tch. I'm learning each day to accept whatever pain and suffering I'm experiencing as part of God's plan. I will be released of such things when God sees fit.

Otherwise--I'm doing great! Only have two more finals left--and I have the entire weekend to study. I really need to find a job especially with winter break. It's tough--even places like Meijer (which is our equivalent to Wal-Mart) hasn't called me back.

Trudging that road of happy destiny today,

Danielle

Midas

Way 2 Go!! For a second there, I thought you had relapsed! Then I noticed the date of the first post. Doh!!

nogard

Yeah me too and then I saw the date, congrats Danielle and then it gets better apparently! Great

squirrelly77

Actually, the main reason why I wanted to bump this up is to illustrate that what the Big Book says--many of us have moral and spiritual convicitions galore but that's not enough to keep the alcoholic sober.

My message to any new people reading this: if you've tried...and tried...and tried...AND TRIED to stop drinking but found out that you can't--there is a solution out of this madness that many people have found.


Danielle

OVERIT

You GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of the progess that you have made. That does not mean a whole lot coming from me, BUT, I am still very proud. Keep on keeping on. You've come a long way baby.

xoxoxo

Ang

sherbear5104

Don't be so hard on yourself, Ang. It means a whole lot coming from you, or any of us. We all suffer from the same disease. I know I am just coming back, but we have been there before. Danielle, Ang, and me. We can follow the directions in the big book, as my sponsor told me. Sure there are suggestions; we suggest you save your life by taking them. Gotta love the long timers. One day we can all be long timers. Hang in there, and so will I. One day at a time, of course!

Sherry

ASH

Very cool, thanks, it was a good thread for me to read today, keep on trudging!

KelKel

WOW
Just confirms what I have come to know about SR.
It is awesome here... and so are you
Danielle...
Love you sister