OverItInSTL

I'm a pattern drinker vs. an all day craver / drinker and was wondering who out there is like me.

I know some say they will crave from sun up to sun down. Despite the fact that I drink every night...it's only in a small window of time following a repetitious pattern.

My cravings for alcohol are non-existent 80+% of the day. 9AM, 2PM, 6PM....absolutely no desire to drink. No mixed drink at the restaurant during a lunch break, no beer at the table with dinner. But BAM - like clockwork every night...9PM hits and I'm in the car to go get the vodka. Hell, I could even just buy it all at once on one day. But no - the pattern is part of the addiction.

Maybe it's part of a fairly restrictive "tell him no to most everything and nothing can go wrong" upbringing. Maybe that makes the independence of a now 41 year old man's brain to say, I'm taking the keys, getting in the car, and driving to get my booze, and no one is going to tell me no. But I choose to do it nightly.

And the funny thing is even at 9PM - I'm STILL not craving the Vodka yet. I don't "need that drink" desperately. In fact even when I get home with it - there's no anxiety. No rush to change clothes, pour my chaser soda, and get pounding. If there's any urgency to get moving it's simply that the earlier I start, the sooner I'll feel level the next day.

BUT, admittedly, once I start...I can't stop until I know I've completely had my fill. Most mornings I don't remember going to bed. That's when I have to field the shame questions and comments from family I've convinced I'm a sleep-eater.
"Well Dad, I'd have LIKED peanut butter and jelly for lunch but someone left the jar out all night and it's hard."
"Who keeps putting the pizza boxes back into the fridge empty when the trash is right there". Laughs it off....Sorry guys, guess I did it again!

Anyway - back to my point before rambling, I want to reset my brain to think the way it does 8am-10pm. I'm quitting as is and already have a plan so it's not really so much advice I'm seeking rather than to see if there is anyone else just like me with the "only drink during a small window of time" scenario, and who also don't crave any other time.

Thoughts?

Andagain

I am a pattern drinker, I drink every other day, starting at around 11 at night until I've drank enough to sleep. Today I have no cravings, but tomorrow I will.

The best thing to do is to plan activities during that time, really things that you enjoy to fill your time.

It's like with smoking every time you say no to the craving it gets weaker. So every time you get through that period it should get easier I think.

Hey I'm pretty new to all of this, ,at least in terms of doing it with quitting forever as my goal, but that's my two cents on it.

Jules714

"even at 9pm I'm still not craving..." Yet.
YET.
It's a progressive disease and it will deliver you all sorts of misery in due time.
Sounds like you picked an excellent time to quit...BC pattern drinking to excess will turn into day drinking on weekends to all day drinking and then round the clock stave off the anxiety and shakes drinking faster than anyone can articilate.
It's prudent to quit whilest ahead as it does not get easier nor prettier.
Glad you found this site. You hit pay dirt!
Jules

Dee74

Hi OverIt

I ended up an all day every day drinker, but way back I started as a 'get home from work need a few drinks to unwind' kind of drinker, so I'm familiar with the phenomenon.

Don;t be afraid to change your routine - if historically 9pm means sit down in front of the TV and drink, don't sit down in front of the TV - do something else....get active..change your dinner time...whatever.

you can definitely break the association

D

BrendaChenowyth

I think you are in a favorable position to quit right now if you want to quit.

tealily

OverIt,

Glad you are here. This is a wonderful place to help you quit for good. I don't think it's that unusual or a sign that "you're ok" that you only crave at certain times of the day. As Jules said, it's progressive.

Also, even if it did stop with that time pattern and amount, it sounds like it's causing some pretty significant health, personal and family problems for you as it is. Passing out every night, not remembering what you've done. If they don't know already, your kids will figure this out. Mine did, and then I had the shame of confusing and disappointing them on top of my own misery.

You may think you are "in control" when you take the keys to drive to the store for a drink, but really it's the alcohol that's in the driver's seat. I say this as someone who for years would find an excuse to drive to the store to buy wine at ridiculously late hours... as if that were normal, to sneak out and leave my family in the house to go buy a bottle of wine at say, a Walgreens, at 10 pm, come home to drink it all and collapse into bed at 2. Having to wake up 4 or 5 hours later feeling like death warmed over. Praying my kids couldn't smell wine seeping from my pores as I made their lunches.

It's no way to live.

I have not had anything to drink for 2 months now and I feel 5 years younger and am starting to feel my old self emerge. It's an incredible feeling. I hope you can stop too. For your family, and for yourself.

We are here for you!

tealily

To answer this part of your question.. I am not an expert, but I think the only way to "reset" your brain to feel like it does when you are not craving is to quit entirely, around the clock, and eventually you will even out. Unfortunately, I found that when I stopped drinking (my usual time was also after 9 pm), I would have random cravings at like 11 am, which I'd never had before. The alcoholic brain seems to kick into overdrive trying to get you to feed it. Ride them out, even time them.. it's surprisingly how fleeting they are. But it feels like a surprise assault in the middle of it.

Forward12

Drinking does cause "groundhog day" style behaviors of doing the same things over and over, day after day.
You for sure want to break this cycle before it gets completely out of control. You can make 9pm going to AA time instead, watch a movie, read, re-program your mind to something else other than booze.

Done4Ever

OverIT,
I was a pattern drinker. No craving from morning till about 4pm. Then craving and always found an excuse to go out and drink. Usually from 6-midnight. I would easily consume 2 or more bottles of wine in that time. Wouldn't remember going to bed many many times (actually most). This is 5-7 nights a week. Amazing I held a good job and how people didn't realize, I have no idea.

Anyways, I saw myself drinking more and more in those hours, and then on weekends felt the cravings earlier. I knew where this was going. I have no doubts in my mind, if I don't stop now, I will find a way to drink earlier and earlier. And we all know where that story goes.

I've read so many stories here and elsewhere. Us pattern drinkers are just on a path.

Keep posting and keep coming here.

OverItInSTL

Thank you!

tealily

How are you doing today, OverIt? Have you stopped drinking?

tonggau

I was a pattern drinker and to the extent that I knew that if I just didn't drink at that time and did something else, two hours later, I wouldn't feel like drinking anymore.
Over the years though, my starting time became earlier and earlier and the number of drinks more and more. From just two days a week, it crept up to 6 six days a week.The most troubling aspect of it though was how much time I spent thinking/worrying/obsessing about alcohol - making rules that I soon would break etc.

Fly N Buy

It was the obsession not the urges that kept me drinking. How that obsession to drink manifests itself really doesn't matter and can be different somewhat in all drinkers. The craving started after I took that first drink. It was at that point I lost the choice and drank as you've described with blackouts/lost memory at times.

Most of us tried the path of least resistance or the softest way to quit initially. If that isn't successful there are programs which work is my experience.

Good for you on expressing the willingness to change. That is a precursor on the journey regardless of the how.

jaynie04

Hi Overit. There is an excellent book I read after I was a few years sober that I wish I had known about when I first got sober, it is called "The Power of Habit". It explains the physiological mechanisms behind habits.

So many posts refer to the fact that people feel frustrated with the fact that they start out a day with good intentions only to end up right back where they started. I found it so helpful to understand the way our brain processes new and old behaviors.

When we are engaging in a new behavior of any sort it we use the front of our brains. That is the part of our brain that requires the most energy. Once we begin to repeat a behavior our brain actually shifts the impetus of that behavior to a different part of our brain that requires less energy. There are countless decisions that we make all day every day without thought, that is our brain operating efficiently to free up room for new challenges that require frontal brain involvement. (an oversimplification but just the basic premise really helped me).

Changing our behavior requires our brain to expend energy and we are programmed to resist that expenditure. It can be physically uncomfortable to go against that neurological programming and anxiety producing.

The hard part of sobriety is up front. I heard once that if it feels like slipping into a warm bath in early sobriety it probably isn't the right choice. Expect to feel anxious and uncomfortable. It is EXACTLY those feelings that are an indicator that change is occurring.

Most of us understand the concept of going to the gym and lifting weights for results that we know won't appear immediately. We understand that the short term discomfort will ultimately lead us to becoming more fit. We trust that if we continue to perform a task that is not always pleasant that we will see the results so we are willing to put in the work for that delayed result.

Sobriety is a similar quest. The choice not to drink is a very hard one when we have become conditioned to repeat that behavior even if it is ruining our lives. We have also strengthened the part of our brain that seeks immediate gratification while letting the more prudent part of our brain weaken.

There is a reason treatment lasts 30 days, or that you hear 90 meetings in 90 days, etc. These are ways to alter our behavior so that once a cue appears we respond differently.

For me reading "Under the Influence" and then later reading the book on habits were very important. I think understanding the mechanisms that drive us helped demystify that dangerous period between when a cue arose in my brain and the subsequent action that followed. I just passed my 4th year anniversary and I hardly think about drinking now. In the last few weeks I have been among the last people at a number of social events where i had a blast, even better than when I was drinking. I have developed new healthy habits.

I will add however, that those new habits developed over time. The activities I engage in now are pretty much the same as the activities I engaged in before my drinking became a problem. But, the first year I scaled back my social calendar greatly, and added more and more back in as I grew more comfortable with my sobriety.

fini

OverIt,
my though is that your thinking and feelings up until the habitual time are devoid of urges, urgency and rush might well be because you know the vodka will be flowing shortly after 9.
so there is no reason for anxiety.
i was a pattern drinker, and every time i tried to quit and stay that way, something in me went sideways long before the habitual daily drinkingtime arrived. and i was off- kilter until the decision was made to get booze.
after that, no urgency, no anxiety, day would move along just fine.

what i'm suggesting is that you may find that 8 am and 3 pm and such are not actual times where you are clear from urges and urgency, but that you might find, like i did, that you are fooled because you know the booze is coming later.

no matter what, quitting is doable, and having a life with no urgency to drink at any time in the 24 hour cycle is doable also.

is your post and question related to any plans for how to change?

Gottalife

I generally took one drink and lost control. I would keep going until I had had my fill, which was when I ran out of money or was too sick to continue.

Then would be a two or three day hangover from hell. No cravings in this time, sometimes quite a lot of remorse though. Then, when I was better, even if I had sworn off, I would pop into a bar soley with the intention of having a couple and a good time. Then would come the craving and the loss of control until I ran out of money or was too sick to continue.

I would love to have been a daily drinker, but I lacked the control. Each time I drank, the memory of the loss of control or whatever good reson there was for me not drinking, was completely gone. Instead there was this insane idea that this time would be different. It never was.