The only thing wrong with my relationship with alcohol...
 

... is that I can say I had a "relationship" with alcohol.

I mean, seriously??? It just occurred to me how ridiculous that is. I don't talk about having a relationship with substances I actually require, like food and water, or people for that matter.. I stress more over not drinking than anything else.. I go years without being in the same room with siblings and don't miss them, but I feel lost without alcohol. I obsess over what it has done to me, and how I will get by without it, but I can't wait to get away from people and stop thinking about them quickly.

I look back and try to figure out how this whole thing started, but I honestly don't believe I would have become addicted to a substance if it were not so prevalent in American culture. It wasn't taboo like other drugs, it was legal, readily accessible, socially accepted, encouraged and often expected. But it is and always was a drug with the potential to destroy a person on every level, and this is no secret, so why is this not only legal but a customary part of our culture?

Obviously it's not the only thing wrong with it, I could have worded that better. It is just what is currently baffling me about it.

Apparently it was a really strange thing to say...

At one time it was illegal. Not sure why it changed to legal.

nah, it's the first thing hat popped into my mind when i read your title: clearly something is wrong when we have a relationship with alcohol!

my old relationship with alcohol was a very well- rehearsed dance, with all the choreographed steps of rituals, sensory inputs, actual drinking, arranging set- ups, and going through a little window of harmony before the ugliness started.
yep.
relationship.

Not at all strange. I've been puzzling over this a lot lately too. How did this happen? How did I let a substance take over my life and health? Where did all my healthy obsessions, talents and interests go? It's so hard to escape. Planes, grocery stores, colleges, weddings, funerals, vacations, work parties, book clubs. I was always a rule follower, never smoking, never using a drug. But alcohol is everywhere. And look at the havoc it causes.

I have had a couple of actual person-person relationships that resembled this, now that I think about it. They were painful and short but also way too long.

I can't understand why some people never fall victim to it, because it IS everywhere, all the time, being annoying.

I get so mad when I see people just disregard it.. How do they do it? I talk about it all the time, how my one friend, at Christmas I poured her a glass of wine, she took one sip, said it was really good, forgot about it, and a little while later asked me to get her some coffee, I poured the wine down the drain.. How does that happen?

Why does it pick some people? I try to understand it, thinking understanding the why will help me figure out how to get out from under it but it's no use.. and it's inconsequential, I know. It is what it is. I would like to know why this is the hand that I was dealt. You only get one life, one chance to do this, and this is the existence I ended up with? This girl that knows nothing but abuse and maltreatment and self-loathing and self-destruction. Why this when I could have had anything else.

I had a moment. I am not that depressed, I promise.

Hang in there, B! Vent away! We understand.

:grouphug:

Simply put, because we are alcoholics. We can not handle alcohol like "normal" people.

No, I get that. The point was why are some people alcoholics while others don't have to be.

Everyone has an Achilles heel. Ours just happens to be alcohol. Your observation about the twisted relationship with alcohol is spot on. I will never drink again but thinking about not drinking and all the damage that has been done occupies way to much of my time. Thanks for the post.

Acceptance is something we have to live with as alcoholics. We got "blessed" with the illness, while others didn't.

I think about this too. Looking back I wonder when it actually was that I crossed the line of being able to take or leave alcohol to being an alcoholic. Years ago I drank after losing a family member. I was able to table that and not drink without thinking about it for years after. I remember having a liquor cabinet stocked and it never occurred to me to drink daily. Somewhere along the line the switch flipped.

Yes, we all descended that slippery slope. I don't think anyone on this Board views drinking to be remotely enjoyable anymore, It is (at best) a very short-term fix for hangovers, nausea, and the rest of the fun that comes with drinking to excess on a daily basis.....which starts the cycle yet again. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Brenda,

I feel the I didn't respect booze enough in the beginning. I thought it was a way to have my cake and eat it too. Make the world go away. But, it was addiction.

I always liked being drunk as a kid. I always looked forward to it. Then I got addicted. I figured out a way to drink and function. I had successes while being a drunk. That made it ok...too me.

I needed to be buzzed to meet girls. I was brave when drunk. Sober I was quiet. Drunk I was more relaxed and confident.

I feel like others, that drank normally, don't really like being drunk. Ive heard it makes them feel out of control. I chased the buzz. Normies don't.

I feel like our issue now is all but settled. We have the desire to quit because we now respect booze. But now we are wired in a way that 1 drink leads to an eventual loss of control. A relapse.

We are lucky to have learned about addiction and booze in time to not end up blindly going to a dr and getting double medicated. Thanks to the internet.

I feel that it is easier to disregard booze now than this time last year. I don't feel like I am missing out. I feel like I am living a new type of life. I don't regret my drinking days, except for the days when I got in trouble. I had many good times being an uneducated drunk.

Hope this helps. Typing this out helps me keep things straight. In my mind, all these thoughts and feelings kind of fly around...jumble and mix. When I type them out, they organize.

Now I am educated and proud to be very clean.

Hi Brenda,

I think this is natural to most people. Some get hooked to alcohol, some to drugs, some to food, sports, religion.

If you think about it there are a million things readily available which you can disregard, while other people may not be able to.

I think part of this "romance with alcohol" is addiction trying to survive, and demistifying that made things a lot simpler for me.

It was just a thing I used to do which I don't anymore, no different to roller skating.

Mr P

Relationshipo with alcohol..the narcisstic gaslighting, total self obsessed lover. No prisoners, no quarter. Everything or nothing.
As to it's legality? Even elephants get drunk on fermented fruit.

Phone conversation with neighbor friend last night:

"Yeah, I had a couple of shots last night, just enough for a nice little buzz."

"That makes absolutely no sense to me!"

Nice little buzz? Why would you stop?? Why wouldn't you finish the bottle and then drive impaired to the store for another one and drink it until you fell down vomiting?? Oh, that's right: you're not an alcoholic...weird...