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Hi all,

My name is Adam. I am in my mid 30s and am looking to get permanently sober. My drinking history goes a little like this:

I drank nothing until I got to college, at which point I learned that drinking alcohol could remove all of my fears, my anxiety, and my inhibitions. From a frighteningly early age, drinking was less about partying and more about feeling "normal" inside. I just wanted to feel okay, and not a mess of nerves.

I drank a lot in my 20s, going through periods where regular blackouts were common. I was never an angry or belligerent drunk, but grew to hate how much I relied on booze, how many stupid things I said and did, and how much harm I was causing to my body. My father and half brother died of cirrhosis, and I do not want to follow in footsteps.

When I turned 30, I started going to AA meetings and was sober for six months. I eventually became a more "socially acceptable" drinker. I haven't blacked out in years, and I don't get "drunk" anymore, but I still default to drinking when I'm happy, sad, anxious, bored, or any other emotion. The truth is, it's hard for me to imagine life without booze filling all those holes. And yet, that's what I need to do.

The hurdles I face are 1. My own brain, that tries to convince me that I don't have a drinking problem, despite the evidence to the contrary. 2. My secrecy, which has largely hidden my drinking from everyone I know, including my wife, who does not think I have a drinking problem. 3. My ego, which persuades me that I can stop on my own.

In reality, I need other people. I need to find ways to connect with my higher power. And I need to start from the beginning. Intellectually, I know what steps I need to take. It's the doing and following through that I need to make happen.

So, that's where I am. Thank you all for being here.

-A

Welcome! :) I hope our support can help you get sober for good. :hug:

You'll find a lot of support encouragement and understanding here Adam - welcome :)

D

Great to have you join us, Adam. When I was your age I knew I didn't drink like others, but I also was reluctant to let go of it. As a result, I ended up drinking 24/7 with a ruined life. I never dreamed it could happen to me. SR helped me find the courage to change my life - almost 10 yrs. ago. I never looked back. :)

Adam, so glad you are here. This is a great place, with a lot of wise and experienced people who understand. I'm fairly new but reading and posting here has made a huge difference for me. I know it can for you too.

I too was not a sloppy drunk. In fact I hid the extent of my drinking really well, even from my husband. I got my work done, volunteered at church and school, on the outside I don't think anyone knew, but I was getting worse and worse, my life smaller and smaller, my fears greater. I didn't think I was "medicating" myself, but I realize that's just what it was... for depression and anxiety.

Have you been honest with your doctor or considered starting with a therapist ? I know you know it, but alcohol is not the answer. Life can be so much better. You don't have to go down the same road your relatives did.

You have the ability: Don't buy the alcohol, don't put it to your lips, don't pour it through your liver. You don't have to poison yourself. You can be healthy and strong. You deserve so much more than an endless round of drinking, recovering from drinking, hiding drinking, regretting drinking.

Read around here and post often! We understand and want to help.

Hi Adam. I can relate to drinking secretly, as I hid it well (apparently). And deep down, I knew what I needed to do. Posting here is a great place to start :)

welcome, Adam.

Thank you all so much.

I really appreciate the welcome and look forward to this journey.

Adam

Hey Adam - Thanks for sharing... I look forward to interacting with you here on SR and following the "Journey" ..

I know what you mean " it's hard for me to imagine life without booze filling all those holes. And yet, that's what I need to do. "..

That is been my most amazing accomplishment.... I have been able to be "OK" with NOT drinking at all the "Usual" times or emotional situations, special events and places I go.

Best to you today!

Welcome, Adam!

I know you will find lots of support here.

Welcome! Now is the time to get sober.
Here when you need us.

welcome