Struggling
 

Struggling today, I even had a thought about drinking!

Feel sh&tty about my past, can't believe some of the vile things I did!

Not goona drink on it just expressing.

Want my damm life back!

Your life will come back, give it time. :) And if you're struggling, keep saying to yourself: I want to be sober more than I want to drink. :)

Will never change what I have done, the shame is ripping me up inside.

Forgive yourself as you would forgive a good friend. Living in the shame of the past does you no good. :(

I've felt that way. Now, I don't forget the past but choose not to dwell on it.
There is nothing I can do to change it, and I did some pretty vile and disgusting things, too.
I think about today and pray about the past that I be forgiven.
I hope you can find it within yourself to forgive yourself.
Best to you.

Itt just overwhelming me right now.

The life you get back sober, will be a new one, a new you. You must come to grips with the old you........and then bury that guy.

We all have so many things in our past, that make us want to wretch, to drink, to kill that SOB that we could be in our past. Drinking only makes that jerk come back. Sobriety gives you the peace to bury him and become the new you.

Who would have guessed that alcohol can rip minds and hearts apart.

Despondent is the word for my general sense of being.

I'm desperately hoping that soon you can start to forgive yourself for "vile" actions you may have committed while drunk. Obviously they can't be erased, and probably not forgotten...but they can be forgiven, and you can vow to yourself that they won't ever happen again, by looking forward to some sober time. The future is the only direction where we have any influence...

Thinking of you this afternoon, wishing you some peace,
Arp

Hey Chilledice. I truly believe that you will come to a point in time where you can live with what you have done in the past. Feeling overwhelmed is a phase. It will not last. My own emotions are all over the place at the moment. I have not even begun to process all the awful things I have done over the last 30 years. I don't think I'm strong enough at the moment.

Hang on in there chuck... it will get better.

Thanks all!

Hi Chilledice,

Sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. I had a lot of shame and guilt that was eating me up. I found some very helpful self-forgiveness guided meditations online and using them I have been able to come to a kind of acceptance about my shameful actions and am beginning to forgive myself. What I do know is that I will never have to go through this painful experience again because of alcohol.

Wishing you well x

remember in another post the suggestion of FORWARD thinking.....? what's done is done, there may be amends to make but there are no do-overs. but you have many new days, and new experiences, and new Deeds of Goodness AHEAD of you. just don't drink.

And I am scared to take my anxiety meds because if they DON'T work then I will feel REALLY hopeless and out of options. (My religious fear of meds has gone)

What if I take them and they DON'T work what then? Il be screwed.

You're 'awfulizing' and it's counterproductive. Try not to project into the future. Live in the moment.

Take them. The doctor knows the facts about them, plus he/she is well-acquainted with your symptoms. The great likelihood is that they'll calm your anxiety just as they're supposed to do.

If not? There are many other medicines to try.

It is highly unlikely that NOTHING of any sort would help.

Least is completely correct about "awfulizing" being counterproductive--plus, it's not based in reality. You have no actual grounds for thinking that the medicine wouldn't work.

Try it and see. It'll probably work well and make you feel much more at ease.

If not, your doctor will be happy and eager to work with you to find the right solution.

I've been an idiot and gone on to anxiety forums and heard all the horror stories, all their mental symptoms etc and now I have those symptoms.

Im sorry I know I'm moaning like a spoilt baby, just needed to talk.

Please, let it out! Talk to your heart's content!

I myself am frequently irrational!

I come on here often and people gently help me see my situation differently.

I credit this place with a lot of my sober sanity! :)

Just confused right now, head spinning with thoughts, I've spoken with anxiety experts who say medication won't take the fear away and then I hear from another therapist that meds are the way to go etc

Again sorry, I'm using you all as my online therapy session right now lol