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Addicted to diazepam and alcohol, panic attack all the time. .



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Addicted to diazepam and alcohol, panic attack all the time. .

Old 07-11-2017, 09:43 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Sorry for the essay,u can tell I spend alot of time on my own X
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Old 07-11-2017, 09:49 AM
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Having just written all that ,I realise it sounds like I'm desperate for sympathy, I think I probably am as I always seek reassurance in everything do , like a child . My bf is sick of it and can't wait to get to work nowadays . X
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Old 07-11-2017, 10:04 AM
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I am in tears reading this. I suffer from crippling anxiety and I have since I was 8. I have been prescribed medications but I have a fear of tablets so instead I have turned to drinking..i have been a daily drinker for about 6 years? I drink to curb the panic attacks.
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Old 07-11-2017, 12:33 PM
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Originally Posted by applewakesup View Post
Dear Missy,

I feel for you so much. You don't see a way out and every solution seems impossible. I wish I could deliver a moment of clarity for you where you could see the clear path. When your current situation is so unacceptable that you will make it work. For example, you say your cats are keeping you from going into rehab. I'm sure there are several animal rescue organizations that would have someone to foster for you.

My point is, once you decide to end this nightmare you are living in, you will find solutions to all the reasons you have for staying addicted.

I hope you will take this in the loving manner that I mean it. Keep posting here, even if you are not ready to quit. This group will inspire you to make healthy changes.
I know there would be good people who would care for my cats but I don't even like to leave them for a day,they are sometimes the only reason I'm still here ... I am going to make my appointment with one of the organisations very soon and be brave and tell them what a mess I am in ,for now just having the response from all you lovely people is already feeling like I am not quite so alone , you understand and that's not something I'm used to, people/friends/loved ones normally just shrug there shoulders and don't know what to say! Including my bf,he tries but I spose if you've never experienced a panic attack then how can they understand....

I have days when I feel really like my old self,where I can tackle anything and feel quite strong,but they soon go bk to this .

The last three days I have not drank my body weight in booze or pills,and have told my bf not to buy me any as I'm going to try again to not drink and take so many pills ,now all I want to do is sleep but I can't :/

This group is quite amazing,and inspiring I'm so glad I came across it by mistake actually, googling one of my many symptoms of panic attacks after drinking. Xx thanks for your reply
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Old 07-11-2017, 12:48 PM
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Originally Posted by babyedwards View Post
I am in tears reading this. I suffer from crippling anxiety and I have since I was 8. I have been prescribed medications but I have a fear of tablets so instead I have turned to drinking..i have been a daily drinker for about 6 years? I drink to curb the panic attacks.
It sucks doesn't it - alcohol then takes the pain away only to return with almighty vengeance, for me I now have started to have panic attacks while I am drinking so there is no fun in it whatsoever.

I think I'm similar, was always a worrier and shy and anxious over stuff wen I was young ,never thought for a second that things would go this wrong . We are on the right site I believe, there is so many people will friendly advice, already I don't feel so alone ,hope you are feeling that way too.

I drink everyday, mornings has been in the last couple of years,just wanting to blot the day out and my brain so can just go sleep again,then the panic the tears the fear of dying ,hate it .

Don't you find your panic attacks getting worse because of it ? Sheer hell I find, can't even stand up cause of shaking soo much 😢. It really is crap knowing that the only way to sort this is to quit the drinking but having read quite alot on this site ,glued to it lol ,so many people have and are enjoying life panic free . So its definitely achievable ,somehow lol X
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Old 07-11-2017, 01:19 PM
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I find my panic way way worse then it has ever been. I wake up in a sweat and sick to my stomach and in sheer panic mode. I reach for a drink and in a couple minutes everything is ok again. Mental illness is an awful thing and unfortunately we are making it far worse by the actions we are taking using alcohol to subdue it. It's so hard. But it's so easy to get a drink and make it disappear.
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Old 07-11-2017, 01:43 PM
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Missyk,

The first point I want to make is perhaps the most important one:
You are not alone.

Let me just say that again, for emphasis:
You...are...not...alone.

Just by coming here and posting, you have found a new community of people to connect with, some of whom can strongly identify with your circumstances. Give yourself a big pat on the back for having the courage to tell your story and look for help from others.

I can identify with the anxiety, the panic attacks, and the taking benzos (and drinking as well) far past the time that was good for me. I also have been mostly housebound for the better part of a year (for me, due to chronic pain issues). Those same issues have kept me awake at all hours of the night. Trust me that I know what you mean when you talk about waking in fear and hating yourself. I felt like I was on an (un)merry-go-round that would never stop. I was (and am still at times) at my wit's end.

I'm not off the ride yet, but I am getting it to not turn so fast. For me, it is a combination of things that is helping: I finally come clean to my GP (who I had been avoiding for 18 months) and faced what was going on. I went to an umpteenth doctor and was prescribed some meds that reduce my pain slightly for a few hours a week (i.e., keep trying). And I got to the point where I was ready to go to rehab or wherever to get help. And, SR. This place, and its worldwide community, has been incredibly important to me.

Also, you are not burdening anyone by your writing or how much of it you do. Write away as needed. You may have found that SR is pretty much a 24/7/365 community of incredibly kindhearted folks.

But remember this: you are not alone.

Last edited by argillaceous; 07-11-2017 at 01:44 PM. Reason: added an extra sentence
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Old 07-11-2017, 02:15 PM
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I also deal with pretty severe anxiety and depression, and would use booze to cope. Once the benzos came into play, it turned a nightmare into a living hell. It's a pretty much guaranteed massive panic attack after drinking, not to mention you can literally die from mixing booze and benzos.
I can tell you from stopping the drinking and dropped my benzo use down to only "as needed", I went from near daily, crippling panic attacks, to having them come on only once in a great while.
We all have a million excuses why not to stop, but getting yourself into treatment before it's too late would be likely the best choice you ever make.
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