4 Years Ago Today, Day 0 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-05-2017, 09:21 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 40
Smile

4 Years Ago Today, Day 0


4 Years ago today, I had my last drink.

From what I remember, I had woken up briefly in the morning around this time, 6 or 7am and I must have sent a note to my boss saying that I was unwell and that I had to be off for a few more days. I was shaking badly, couldn’t drink anymore and was laying in bed, just terrorized and paralyzed. Couldn’t go out anywhere. There was booze, but I couldn’t really drink much. I think I was looking up detox the night before. Wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I was laying there with the knowing that my brother and father had left me. And realizing that I was on my own. Again. Like most of my life. But this was a different kind of loneliness. There was no one in AA I could call. Not even the AA hotline. No one. I’ve been down this road so many times.

The only place I could go was detox, or the hospital. For the 45th time. I was depressed and terrified. I wanted to return to my Sober life.

I couldn’t believe that I was there, after completing 2 marathons and 7.5 months of solid continuous peaceful Sobriety, in which I had found goals, and I even signed up for a new apartment, a new bank account. A wonderful job with a global consulting company. I worked really hard for that. I practiced all the Louise Hay affirmations. They had become habit. My new Sober Life path was being paved beautifully. So how could I just abandon it all and go back to hell. No freakin way. I couldn’t. This was the realization that came from within. I couldn’t just ditch my beautiful, precious, sacred Sober Life and go back into hell, all because I didn’t get the validation I thought I needed from the people that were close to me.

I needed to get back, no matter what, right then, after a week long relapse. This was my chance for True Freedom. Permanent Sobriety. Finally, I have been abandoned for good, so I could be Free and Live my Life the way I choose, completely Clean and Sober. I had to let go.
Start setting boundaries. No matter what, I realized, I can (and will ) never compromise my Sobriety for anyone. I will never place my Sobriety in the hands of anyone, and that includes AA. Screw em all I concluded. I am staying Sober, under any and all conditions, for me. I just needed a jumpstart for that first day. I said a prayer, I believe. “God please help me get back”.

A few hours later, there was non-stop ringing on the land phone, which was connected to the front door buzzer. I finally managed to get up to disconnect the phone, but as I got to the phone, I thought, why not answer it. It didn’t matter anyways, I was either going to be dead or I was going to stay alive and I knew I wanted to stay alive so I could continue my sober dream. So answer the phone...

It was around 10am when I answered the phone and it was my brother. He came back to get me. Took me to the hospital and stayed with me for about a day and a half and left on Sunday. While he was there, I had my last seizure, and it was a live one. I lay in bed while he was in the living room and it struck. Like massive lightning. The whole body and face were vibrating rapidly and my mouth, fingers, hands were stuck and my ears were ringing really loud and I wanted to call out my brother's name and I couldn’t. I thought for sure that was it, but then deep down inside, I kept hearing, “just hang on, just hang on”, even though I couldn’t quite breathe. It lasted a good 20 or 30 seconds and that’s the first time I was conscious during a seizure. It was almost as if God was showing me the reality of what I was leaving behind. It was the final glimpse of hell, as I was taking off into the wonderful Universe of superbly blissful Sobriety, Peace and Abundance.

My brother left on Sunday, and immediately after, I knew I was Free. Finally. I called my friend Philip at the time and we went for a gorgeous walk in Coal Harbour. I couldn’t call him before that. He was not the right person for it.

In classic Vedic (Hindu) philosophy, my brothere coming to get me, saving me in a sense, was my karma. The person I hated the most was the one to put me on the road to salvation.

At least that’s how I like to frame the whole experience today, exactly four years later, completely Clean, Sober and Smoke Free. I don’t even use any prescription drugs or anxiety medication. Nothing. I am completely Clean. Everything I experience today is raw and uncensored. When I experience pain today, it is real and intense. When I experience Joy it is Brilliant. That’s what I want my Life to be today.

Pure. Clean. Sober. Simple. Peaceful. Abundant.

For the most part it has turned out that way and I am supremely Grateful for my Sobriety.

If I could make this far, I am sure you can as well.

I am posting this here, because SR was quite valuable in my first couple of years, when I couldn’t yet trust 12 step programs… These forums have been very helpful. Thank you so much !

The process I use for my recovery is journaling, running, daily gratitude lists, connecting with people in recovery, meetings and for the first few years I went to group therapy. It was a ton of work, but I wanted to do it, so I could enjoy my Sober Life.

In these 4 years of continuous Sobriety, I have managed to complete 9 marathons, 1 Ultra Marathon, heal a lot of shame, become more assertive, form a couple of companies, leave jobs with adequate notice, let go of unhealthy friendships, peacefully mourn the passing of my mother, re-establish a healthy relationship with my father and brother and, establish a few healthy, peaceful friendships, and I can go anywhere and be totally ok with not drinking.

Thank you for reading. Hope you got something out of this…

Enjoy the ride.
mkvan is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 29 Users Say Thank You to mkvan For This Useful Post:
2ndhandrose (07-05-2017), Anna (07-05-2017), asixstringnut (07-06-2017), Bobbieka (07-05-2017), Carlotta (07-05-2017), Carlygirl (07-05-2017), Chilledice (07-05-2017), Gilmer (07-05-2017), Givingup54 (07-05-2017), hns0685 (07-05-2017), JK130 (07-05-2017), least (07-05-2017), MidnightRider (07-05-2017), Mizzuno (07-06-2017), MythOfSisyphus (07-07-2017), Peacehappyness (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017), rascalwhiteoak (07-05-2017), SeaOfSerenity (07-05-2017), silentrun (07-05-2017), SimplyFree (07-06-2017), skipper63 (07-05-2017), SnazzyDresser (07-06-2017), SoberBender (07-05-2017), soberclover (07-06-2017), starstarstar (07-05-2017), sugarbear1 (07-05-2017), thomas11 (07-05-2017), Wholesome (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 09:25 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Jules714's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 697
Amazing post!
Congratulations.
J
Jules714 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Jules714 For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 09:32 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Peacehappyness's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,233
Completely inspiring! Congratulations Mkvan

Peace X
__________________
Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas
Peacehappyness is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Peacehappyness For This Useful Post:
JK130 (07-05-2017), mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 09:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
The road goes on forever
 
MidnightRider's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,108
Mkvan -

Thank you for the amazing post you just wrote.
Your words are/will be an inspiration to myself and others.

Have a wonderful day !
MidnightRider is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MidnightRider For This Useful Post:
JK130 (07-05-2017), mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 09:54 AM   #5 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 15,919
A great story, thanks so much for sharing. MKVAN - and congratulations on 4 years of sobriety. Don't be a stranger...your insight and experience would be welcomed as often as you choose!
ScottFromWI is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to ScottFromWI For This Useful Post:
JK130 (07-05-2017), mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 10:02 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
JK130's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 572
Betrayal, the feeling of being betrayed or actually being betrayed is a theme for lot of us. You overcame it! Congratulations! Thank you for sharing!
JK130 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to JK130 For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 10:04 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Bobbieka's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 6,660
Great post. Awesome story, thanks for sharing. Great job on the marathons and the Ultra!
__________________
We can do hard things
Bobbieka is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Bobbieka For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 03:22 PM   #8 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 178,292
Blog Entries: 1
Congratulations on 4 years mkvan

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 03:27 PM   #9 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 80,120
Blog Entries: 32
Thank you for sharing your success story and big congrats on four years sober!
__________________
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

least is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to least For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 03:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
Be of sober mind
 
Wholesome's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,101
Thanks for sharing your story with us and a big congrats on 4 years! That's awesome!
__________________
Men are more easily governed through their vices than through their virtues.
Napoleon Bonaparte

Give them bread and circuses and they will never revolt

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain
Wholesome is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Wholesome For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 03:39 PM   #11 (permalink)
F*** the Zero
 
SeaOfSerenity's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: London
Posts: 408
wow that's for your story. congrats on 4 years!!!!!
__________________
1st September 2016
SeaOfSerenity is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SeaOfSerenity For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 03:40 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Givingup54's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 305
Congratulations and thank you for sharing your inspiring story!
__________________
Quit listening to my AV on 05/13/19
Givingup54 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Givingup54 For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 03:48 PM   #13 (permalink)
Behold the power of NO
 
Carlotta's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,466
Congratulations on 4 years!

__________________
"Nobody realizes some people expend tremendous energy to be normal." Albert Camus
Carlotta is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Carlotta For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 07:49 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 21
Poppy2006 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Poppy2006 For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 07:59 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 409
This is amazing. I love to journal, I love to run and keep up with people in recovery. Let's me know I have a good chance. So happy for you!
Linz805 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Linz805 For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-05-2017), Purplrks3647 (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 08:12 PM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
Purplrks3647's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 8,257
Very inspiring....thank you so much for sharing.....and Happy 4 year Soberversary!!!
Purplrks3647 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Purplrks3647 For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-05-2017)
Old 07-05-2017, 10:07 PM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 40
WOW ! Thank you very much everybody ! Holy smokes I did not expect this response at all. Thank you so much, it is so wonderful to see and feel.

For sure, I will be posting and sharing more of the journey. I've been inspired by you. Thank you !
mkvan is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to mkvan For This Useful Post:
Wholesome (07-06-2017)
Old 07-06-2017, 06:07 AM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 
Kaneda8888's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 4,794
Great share. Thank you MkVan. You have done brilliantly ! Congrats !!
Kaneda8888 is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Kaneda8888 For This Useful Post:
mkvan (07-06-2017)
Reply

Tags
recovery , sobriety


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:41 PM.