MythOfSisyphus

Another thread got me thinking about the worst things we all did in our drinking days. I wanted to toss a couple out as a warning but also a reminder of where I will never return to.

1) Many years ago I woke up in a hung over daze and walked outside to see the front end of my car smashed up. Obviously I feared the worst- did I kill someone? Long story short it turns out I was so drunk I drove to my folks house instead of my own. When I went to park where I used to park my dad's truck was there so I ran into it. My folks didn't report it but the local cop grilled me as to what happened. It scared the crap out of me but still I continued to drink.

2) Also many years ago in my college days...wound up sleeping with my best friend's fiance. And got caught in the act. And still I continued to drink.

3) Not quite as bad but pretty humiliating. Years ago I was watching a favorite TV show with my brother at the home he shared with his GF. Totally plastered of course. I tried to get up off the couch and just collapsed, fell down and demolished the coffee table sending red wine everywhere. But still I continued to drink.

I can't count all the times I humiliated myself while drunk. The shame would burn for days or weeks depending on how bad the incident was, but shame alone was never enough to make me stop. You really need a plan.

Poppy79

Yep, I've done all of the above as well and still continued on with self destruction.
I am so glad to be off that roller coaster of hell, now I am sifting through the shame and guilt of those events but I'm still choosing not to drink.
Great post

kel08

its amazing what you think would stop you, that would stop most people. I fell in an oven, yes an oven. Trying to cook dinner whilst deep into a 3rd bottle of wine. I still have a scar that runs down my entire arm that needed hospital treatment, but I was too drunk to go so my partner refused to take meas he was mortified at the state of me. 15 mins later according to my partner, I asked him what he wanted for dinner and I shall go cook, I didn't even remember despite having a weeping wound down my arm and skin red raw, anything that had happened.

Took my kids to a restaurant after having quite a few beers beforehand with friends, ordered a glass of wine whilst kids had their dinner. Left the restaurant and walked home, I don't remember leaving the restaurant or the walk home. I could have been arrested and my kids taken from me there and then, and that terrifies me to my core. Yet I still drank. Its true what people say, you are only ready to give up, when you are ready, never before.

I'm 5 days sober after my last relapse, and I'm fully embracing a life sober and never having to feel any of that again

Wholesome

I said and did some epicly stupid things while drinking! I would burn with shame too. I am never going back to being that person. This past weekend was hard, I'm not going to lie, my AV was all over me but I can handle that, it's to be somewhat expected at 4 months sober on a holiday long weekend. I can live with knowing that sometimes it's going to be hard, I cannot live with knowing that I broke my BP and went back to being that loser drunk. Coming home at all hours of the night, drinking myself sick, saying things I would never say sober, shirking my responsibilities, being a poor role model for my children, loathing myself because of my shameful behaviour. I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind, no matter what.

Maudcat

Holidays don't usually trigger me, and I can't say that this one actually did so.
But I found myself ruminating on what a drinking holiday the 4th of July is.
I could hear people a few streets over shouting about something, and it seemed like there were non stop beer commercials with thin, attractive people.
And There were four nights of fireworks. Four nights!
The cats started out okay, but would get a bit unhinged as the fireworks went on.
Sheesh. Sorry to be such a crab about it, but I am glad this holiday is over.

least

I used to spend all my money on wine and couldn't pay my bills. But I still drank. Now I pay my bills on time and no longer have to worry about utilities getting shut off.

2ndhandrose

I used to have a secret fear of doing something catastrophic, irreparable, irreversible, while in a blackout.

And, I knew I couldn't control when or if I would blackout, yet I continued to drink.