RidingSober

I have a questions for you all. I've been trying to get a substantial amount of sobriety, but have been struggling after very short periods of time. I've been trying for about 6 months now, seeing an addition counselor, AA meetings off and on, and struggling with loneliness and boredom (which seem to be my biggest trigger).

Question... When you first attempted to get sober, was it an off and a struggle like I describe? I'm not even getting a few weeks in, so I feel the constant shame of failure, which I don't normally experience in my life. Guess I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong.

Any advice or feedback is greatly appreciated.

sugarbear1

It seems the only thing that is consistent is that you aren't drinking, but you have no new solution to your alcoholism. Have you considered actually working those 12 steps with a sponsor?

Zombie79

I'm only on day 17 so I'm early stages but I know that I tried 4-5 times before this time. Initially I'd get to day 3 then drink then it became day 6/7 because weekends were a major trigger. So far I've had two sober weekends and they've been great so I hope to keep it going.
I kept a diary so I used to read over the relapses and it just got to a point where I was sick of feeling crap all the time from the result of drinking

fini

yes, it was very much an on/off struggle for me.
for years and years.
and my sense of failure would get at times so overwhelming that i stopped trying altogether.
i really was convinced it was all a matter of will, willpower, and couldn't grasp why i couldn't manage this quitting thing. never occurred to me it might require something else, something in addition.

getting engaged with others, participating in places online and in person, was one of those additional things.

you joined here six years ago, and have posted a few times.
maybe reconsider that as a first step.

mfanch

When I decided to get sober for realz, I jumped in with both feet. I went to AA and followed the directions. I went to outpatient treatment and counseling. I made a plan and followed the plan. The beginning times in my sobriety were very intense and a lot of work. Never did I feel bored or lonely....in fact I wished at times that I could just let up and relax a little...by myself! lol

My early sobriety was about doing everything I could to form a strong foundation. I was VERY willing because I desperately wanted to get better and be happy (for once in my life).

Maybe look at your plan and make some updates?

CreativeThinker

I'm still in the early stages of recovery (130 days sober) but it's the longest period of sobriety I've had in quite some time. I guess the difference between now and my other attempts is that I am totally committed and I make my recovery the #1 priority in my life. This time I am committed to doing anything to keep my recovery on track. There is no room for failure, as this could be my last chance at having a sober and healthy lifestyle.

In the past, I would let my AV do it's job of convincing me that: I only have a few days sober, what's the difference if I drink today and start my recovery tomorrow, I wasn't as bad as I thought I was, I can moderate my drinking, I'll just drink today... When I relapsed, I felt completely defeated and I went back to my old lifestyle until it became unbearable again. Over and over again...

Routines, structure, recognizing HALT & my AV, using my tools, having a solid recovery plan and working it is what keeps me moving forward. With time, the urges to drink have become much easier to deal with and I'm seeing things with a new perspective... I want more! More days of feeling productive, confident, thankful, fearless, adventurous, hopeful for the future. Someone once referred to sobriety as feeling like you're in a movie and it's so good... you can't wait to see the ending because you know that it's going to be wonderful. That's exactly how I feel today.

This isn't an easy journey. There will be extremely uncomfortable moments, we will question our decision and we will try our best to find our way around the pain. Once I realized that the only solution was to go through the agony by using my recovery plan, things began to change.

RidingSober

Thanks for sharing Zombie! That actually sounds exactly how I've been. Weekends kill me. 17 days sounds like a huge goal.

RidingSober

I can identify with your struggles as well. The last week or so, I've wondered if I should just accept my alcoholism and stop trying to quit. I've been a little lost. My counselor convinced me that I've made progress, from drinking everyday previously to now only on weekends, but I'm still not where I need to be.

Ariesagain

I think it's really typical, mostly because booze is the "answer" to so many life things...bad day? Good day? Victory? Loss? Road rage? Hangnail? Same answer...DRINK.

Life is going to keep happening and we have to learn new responses to it...hard work, yes?

I read this article over and over the first few months...

Mummy was a Secret Drinker: The Obstacle Course

ETA: The thing is that giving up giving up isn't just saying, okay, well I'll be kinda miserable but this level is okay. Sooner or later, you will move further down the alcoholic continuum. By most standards, I was a lightweight drinker quantity-wise. But I went from wanting it to needing it to craving it to planning my entire day around it very, very quickly.

Don't give up on you.

hellrzr

I'm also curious to get an answer to Sugarbear's question, have you actually worked any steps with your sponsor? It does sound like your only solution is to not drink which isn't a solution. Right now drinking is your solution to life and when you stop drinking you get more and more miserable until you get to the point you will either drink again or do something worse. Really getting involved with a good group in AA and working with a good sponsor and going through the steps is your best chance at a life time of sobriety!

RidingSober

Love the story, I'm going to print it out. Thank you!

Bird615

The first time I got sober I was so desperate that I also jumped right in--went to a 5-week in-patient treatment program, got into AA, started working the steps, found a sponsor and stayed in a half-way house (sober living) for 13 months.

That got me off to a good start for 30 years until I slacked off my program and relapsed.

The second time around I did go back and forth for over 4 years until I went back to AA and started working the program in my life again.

Anna

I agree that progress is good, but I understand your frustration at not being able to stop drinking completely. I would say, sit with yourself and try to fully accept that you cannot drink alcohol, ever, under any circumstances. Once I did that, my mind began to help me by coming up with healthier ways to deal with life.

Since weekends are so hard for you, my suggestion is plan. Make plans with friends to go for coffee, go for a hike, whatever you enjoy. Look around your community and find some way to give back. Volunteer work saved my soul in early recovery. My self-esteem was so low, giving back gave me the step up to feeling better about myself.

Never give up, because this disease is relentless.

RidingSober

No I have not. Getting a sponsor would be a really big step for me. I got one previously, then quit after one day. Now I feel like a loser going back to AA. I have a hard time with trust and asking for help. I know, I need to get over it if I want to make a change.

joandmelandhan

Brilliant article thank you!

RidingSober

Thank you all for your responses and encouragement. It's made me feel much better, especially knowing that many of you have struggled at the beginning and started to figure it out. Thank you.

tomsteve

welp, quittng after one day....hmmm. maybe a reason ya keep struggling?
hope your not expecting the sober fairy to come sprinkle sober dust over ya and BAM!!! everythings great.

wanna get and stay sober with the added benefit of having a good life?
if yes, then ya gotta get into action.

sober up a drunken horse thief and ya have a horse thief.

stevepearce

I've been struggling to stop for nearly 7 years. The longest I've been is 3 months. But I'm back here trying again. I won't stop trying until I have succeed. As someone a lot wiser than me said, If you're asleep in a burning house and you wake up and realize it's on fire you can't pretend you don't know it's on fire and go back to sleep.

Dee74

It was a struggle .... until I accepted that I could be the person I wanted to be, or I could drink - but not both.

Taking drinking off the table as an option - no matter what - felt like a deprivation originally - but before too long I realised it was actually the key to freedom for me

D