Woo24

I don't really know what to say.

I've started to come to terms with the fact that my drinking is not normal and that I need help. I can't bring myself to call myself an alcoholic as I don't know that I am, but I do know I have a dependency on alcohol which is starting to ruin my relationship and my job. I don't know why I drink but I know that I find it impossible to stop once I've started. I'm hoping that this forum may help me start to turn things around. For myself and my girlfriend.

MidnightRider

Welcome - This is a great forum with a wide variety of folks willing to help, listen and provide you a place to talk things out.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

You don't have to be an alcoholic to quit drinking. Should make it easier to quit if you aren't.

Is sobriety your goal? Or have you yet to come to terms with quitting forever?

BlownOne

What is your definition of an alcoholic? I used to think a real alcoholic slept under a bridge and drank out of a paper sack. I wasn't one of those, so I wasn't an alcoholic. But my drinking did cause problems with my job, with my relationships, with my family. And once I started drinking, I couldn't stop. I consider myself an alcoholic now. But it's different for everyone. Wishing you well!

Woo24

Hi. Quitting forever sounds impossible right now but so does cutting down the amount I drink per night. I blackout a lot and my partner says that I change into a completely different person when I'm drunk, so I guess my aim is to not get to that stage but I don't have a clue about how I'm going to achieve that as I can't control the amount I drink. It's frustrating! I think my current plan is to try not drinking tonight and see how that goes.

Woo24

See, that's the thing. I see alcoholics as people who literally cannot function in their day to day lives. Whereas I'm able to go to work and see my family and pay my bills. I don't drink as soon as I wake up, so surely that shows some control? It's when I get home in the afternoon/evening that I start, and that's when I lose control. I'm okay with admitting I have a problem with alcohol, but I can't bring myself to call it anything other than that at the moment. Maybe it takes time?
I wish you all the best in your recovery!

Bobbieka

Welcome to the site Woo24. Sometimes just staying in each moment helps. Don't drink today. See how that goes. Then you look at tomorrow when it comes. Good luck!!

PippoRossi

Welcome - we are glad you are here! For me, I've found that it's a slippery slope to compare my struggles to others' and then assume I'm better off because my life is more "together" than theirs. This is when I can become complacent and say, "Whoa, do I really have a problem? I am doing soooo much better than [insert person's name here]. Maybe I CAN drink, after all." This recently happened to me when I met a friend for lunch. She hasn't drank alcohol for almost 5 years, but she does smoke weed (a lot, according to her since she's been living in a state where it's legal). Her daughter is now in rehab for heroin addiction. I caught myself thinking, "At least I'm not THAT bad!" Really? What a jerky thing for me to think of my dear friend and her struggles.

I try very hard (but don't always succeed) to focus on fixing my problems and I don't spend too much time on labeling myself. Alcoholic, "high-functioning" alcoholic (I snicker every time I hear someone describe themselves like that), alcohol dependent . . . they are all the same to me.

My only advice to you would be to take it one day at a time, or hour by hour if that seems more achievable. You've already said you think you have a problem, so work on fixing it.

needshelp111

You need to change your habit of drinking at night. You might not be an Alcoholic but you are def. abusing booze. I know bc I do that too. For me, it's the habit of coming home and drinking. Replace the drinking with something productive that you enjoy doing.

Poppy79

Drinking is progressive... I remember when I only drank after work, and only a bottle of wine.... then 2.... then 2.5.... then blacking out occasionally.... then drinking at lunch time.... then sneaking a bottle into my office for the afternoon session in between lunch and home time....
Thankfully I stopped before I was drinking in the morning, but weekends were different. 10am I would commence to make housework more 'fun' or watching Tele less 'boring'.
If you stop now, you can avoid the progression down to the darkest hole that was my life 8 months ago. I wish I stopped when I first realised drinking was a problem but I persisted for a decade. And I look back and regret wasting that time in a bottle, vague memories and the good memories are marred by the fact I was half buzzed 24/7 or had short periods of not drinking where I felt awesome.
Stop now and save yourself the regret it is worth it. Words can't describe how much it is worth it.

PippoRossi

And here I thought I was the only one who drank on the weekends early to make housework more fun. Ugghhh! So glad those days are over with!

NoahJ

That is a very, very good start! (seriously, no malice implied)

LastingChange

Don't worry too much about labels. What matters is that you've identified that your relationship with alcohol is maladaptive and that it is having a negative impact on other areas of your life. Simply focus on addressing your drinking behaviour and consider sobriety and its benefits and weigh this against your current situation. The term alcoholic and its application is not important - this site is all about taking ownership of our issues with alcohol, irrelevant of where any of us are individually on that spectrum, and providing support and encouragement to others experiencing issues at varying magnitudes.

Wishing you all the best.

NoahJ

That was my story. I never missed a bill, never hit my wife or kid, and didn't drive drunk. I never drank in the morning, and never missed work. I started at 5pm every night, and ended by 10pm. I was totally in control...and suddenly I wasn't.

It took me about a month of AA meetings to admit and accept I was an alcoholic. It's not a character defect. It's a disease.

Talk to your doctor or an addiction specialist about "taking time off". Withdrawal can be very dangerous. Otherwise best of luck, this board is a great resource.

dwtbd

Alcohol is alcohol , never going to change. It's a chemical , a thing, absolutely unchangeable. Peoples' relationship with alcohol can and does change, people who drink to blackout and passing out react to alcohol in an unhealthy way , yeah ?
People with a control problem ie don't plan on drinking enough to blackout but find themselves doing it anyway have crossed a kind of line. A line that for all intents and purposes is rarely if ever recrossed or uncrossed.
Assume you are the rare , very rare, person that continues to drink but changes their relationship to alcohol and some how feels again in control, common sense will show that is going to require an enormous amount of effort, forethought, and planning and most likely assistance from others( " hey, if it looks like I may drink too much , step in ok ? and be forceful ok?, I may react badly but I'l be glad you did, I swear, just make sure you really think I'm about to not be in control because I still want to drink , just in a controlled fshion , and if you stop me before I lose control, well that would really defeat the purpose, I still want to drink just you know, controlled')
Ok , perhaps contrived hyperbole ( actually no, but granted it sounds like that), just assume your relationship doesn't change for the worse , assume it stays just like it is now, is that acceptable to you ? Odds are it will change, odds are it will change to unhealthier aspects, getting 'better' isn't in the cards. A lot of drinkers realize the problem and try and fix it, try and learn to drink 'better ' after crossing that line, there is just something to that line that it doesn't turn out well.
Quitting, full stop , is the guaranteed way to be done with the problem. Don't drink again ever , and you will never have a problem drinking again. For most(all) of 'us' ( those line crossers) , it is only a matter of time until we accept the fact that with no drinking , there are no drinking problems. We are just here sharing our experience , some are trying to 'fix' it, and some have decided to just be done with it.
I find the quitters to be the happy group, and healthier too.
wish you well hope to see you around

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Woo!!

Dee74

Hi Woo

son;lt worry too muh about the plabel - if your drinking is a problem and you want to stop, this is a great place to be.

Tons of support here - good to have you aboard

D