Questions...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 8
Questions...
I have been lurking around for awhile but I have some questions now. I have been sober since May 21st. I had been drinking pretty much every day since 2011. Wine was my drink of choice mostly. Sometimes vodka.
A few days ago was a bad day. I mean a really really bad day at work. And I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't drink, I didn't consciously want a drink, but I couldn't remember what else I could do with myself at a time like that. To make things more complicated, my husband and I run a business together and my bad day was a direct result of a mess up on his part. So I was feeling pretty pissy with him. And he wasn't acknowledging his mess up and trying to blame everything on everyone else.
I get the cause of not knowing what to do...I don't have bad days like that very often. I have prepared for the things I expect, like shutting down the 3pm voice in my head that thinks 'wine-o-clock time in less than 2 hours!".
What does everyone else do to deal with a super bad day now? I am just looking for some ideas. In the end, the other day, I ended up taking a bath, crawling into to bed to pout and watched some Netflix.
Next question. I can't seem to get enough sleep/rest. I sleep better than I have in years and am getting a good 7-9 hours of sleep a night, but still feel tired or weary a lot/most of the time. A week after I stopped drinking I went back to the gym and have been eating healthy.
I am kind of assuming it is going to take my body more than 40 days to recover from years of abuse and crap sleep? What have others experienced in this area?
A few days ago was a bad day. I mean a really really bad day at work. And I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't drink, I didn't consciously want a drink, but I couldn't remember what else I could do with myself at a time like that. To make things more complicated, my husband and I run a business together and my bad day was a direct result of a mess up on his part. So I was feeling pretty pissy with him. And he wasn't acknowledging his mess up and trying to blame everything on everyone else.
I get the cause of not knowing what to do...I don't have bad days like that very often. I have prepared for the things I expect, like shutting down the 3pm voice in my head that thinks 'wine-o-clock time in less than 2 hours!".
What does everyone else do to deal with a super bad day now? I am just looking for some ideas. In the end, the other day, I ended up taking a bath, crawling into to bed to pout and watched some Netflix.
Next question. I can't seem to get enough sleep/rest. I sleep better than I have in years and am getting a good 7-9 hours of sleep a night, but still feel tired or weary a lot/most of the time. A week after I stopped drinking I went back to the gym and have been eating healthy.
I am kind of assuming it is going to take my body more than 40 days to recover from years of abuse and crap sleep? What have others experienced in this area?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Sobering up makes me extremely moody and the slightest thing makes me feel like snapping in rage. I'm irritable and grumpy and mad at the world.
I just hide myself away as much as possible and wait for it to get better.
I just hide myself away as much as possible and wait for it to get better.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Meredith. Welcome.
It's still early days yet. I was very fragile when I quit. Started to feel more like myself, before overdrinking, about 3 months in.
I have shared this before, so forgive the repetition. One of the most difficult things for me is to sit with an uncomfortable emotion.
I just want to drink it away and, well, that isn't an option anmore.
Some things I do that help:
Go for a walk or get some form of exercise.
Pet and brush the cats, who give me great joy.
(I actually have a cat who likes to walk, so we go for a stroll together. Her legs are shorter than mine, so we go slow)
Gentle yoga.
Deep, calming breaths.
Garden in season.
Sometimes, when I do these things, I get enlightenment as to why I was so mad. Or resentful, or sad.
Sometimes not, but I still feel better.
Good luck.
It's still early days yet. I was very fragile when I quit. Started to feel more like myself, before overdrinking, about 3 months in.
I have shared this before, so forgive the repetition. One of the most difficult things for me is to sit with an uncomfortable emotion.
I just want to drink it away and, well, that isn't an option anmore.
Some things I do that help:
Go for a walk or get some form of exercise.
Pet and brush the cats, who give me great joy.
(I actually have a cat who likes to walk, so we go for a stroll together. Her legs are shorter than mine, so we go slow)
Gentle yoga.
Deep, calming breaths.
Garden in season.
Sometimes, when I do these things, I get enlightenment as to why I was so mad. Or resentful, or sad.
Sometimes not, but I still feel better.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Great questions Meredith, Crawling into bed to watch Netflix was a perfect solution to your bad day. Early on, particular on weekends I found myself going to bed very early, but I didn't care because I was determined not to drink. I still get in a funk now and then, but overall its not bad.
To your other question, I think 40 days is a relatively short period of time to heal from years of abuse. Keep doing what you are doing, I think it will get better. Good job so far.
To your other question, I think 40 days is a relatively short period of time to heal from years of abuse. Keep doing what you are doing, I think it will get better. Good job so far.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: London
Posts: 2,040
Hi Meredith,
I try to remind myself that 'this too shall pass' and ride it out rather than fight it or become frustrated with myself. I will sometimes try to snap myself out of a bad mood by jolting myself with exercise...not often I admit 😉 or I do what you did and hibernate away from others by going to bed early or watching netflix.
I was really tired the first couple of weeks...I think it was the psychological and emotional recovery that was zapping my energy rather than physical recovery.
Wishing you well on the rest of your recovery journey x
I try to remind myself that 'this too shall pass' and ride it out rather than fight it or become frustrated with myself. I will sometimes try to snap myself out of a bad mood by jolting myself with exercise...not often I admit 😉 or I do what you did and hibernate away from others by going to bed early or watching netflix.
I was really tired the first couple of weeks...I think it was the psychological and emotional recovery that was zapping my energy rather than physical recovery.
Wishing you well on the rest of your recovery journey x
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
On a really bad day, I will try to get away from people for a few minutes, if possible and close my eyes and focus on breathing. After that, I will turn to music (a few tried & true songs) and then try to get involved in a good book. You're doing great !
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
You did a great thing! At the beginning especially, it's ok to do anything other than drinking. Really. I watched TV shows on demand or live or netflix (I quit drinking in Feb so new seasons started shortly thereafter, ha!), I slept A LOT- I was very sick when I quit and was overwhelmed by the need to sleep and heal- at first and sleep is still one of my biggest focus points of health.
Have you thought about a program like AA? With a few weeks of clarity under you, it's a great time to start learning tools and ways to live not just sober but well, in recovery. AA is my path and meetings are a consistent and critical part of my recovery (I am just past 16 mo) and, more importantly, the program of AA (living and breathing what it lays out) keeps me sober and at peace, and knowing how handle life best I possibly can.
Stay sober. Keep going. See you around.
Have you thought about a program like AA? With a few weeks of clarity under you, it's a great time to start learning tools and ways to live not just sober but well, in recovery. AA is my path and meetings are a consistent and critical part of my recovery (I am just past 16 mo) and, more importantly, the program of AA (living and breathing what it lays out) keeps me sober and at peace, and knowing how handle life best I possibly can.
Stay sober. Keep going. See you around.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Annas ideas on music and books help me - also exercise and going for a ride on my scooter.
The thign to remember is we all have bad days - but they are only bad days now...not bad weeks months or years like they used to be. You'll get through this Meredith.
Congrats on your sober time - and welcome to SR!
D
The thign to remember is we all have bad days - but they are only bad days now...not bad weeks months or years like they used to be. You'll get through this Meredith.
Congrats on your sober time - and welcome to SR!
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family. 
Congrats on your sobriety! Keep in mind that healing takes a while. It took me several months before I started feeling normal and healthy.
When I have bad days, my favorite thing to do is walk my dogs. Just the fresh air and sunshine does us a world of good. And petting my dogs and cats is always a way for me to relax and slow down.
Hang on! It gets better!
Congrats on your sobriety! Keep in mind that healing takes a while. It took me several months before I started feeling normal and healthy.When I have bad days, my favorite thing to do is walk my dogs. Just the fresh air and sunshine does us a world of good. And petting my dogs and cats is always a way for me to relax and slow down.
Hang on! It gets better!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
What Dee, Anna & Least said:
I still find myself feeling sleepy in the afternoon (I'm a bit over 4 months sober). Luckily, I work from home so I can lay down for a cat nap when needed.
You're doing really well! Give it some time. It's going to take our bodies some time to repair itself from all the damage we did. BTW- I too drank wine and vodka on occasion
.
- BREATH!
- Get outside in the fresh air and walk.
- Accept that some days are just bad days. "This too shall pass"
I still find myself feeling sleepy in the afternoon (I'm a bit over 4 months sober). Luckily, I work from home so I can lay down for a cat nap when needed.
You're doing really well! Give it some time. It's going to take our bodies some time to repair itself from all the damage we did. BTW- I too drank wine and vodka on occasion
. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 8
Thanks everyone. I kind of had "90 days" in my head being about the point that I would start feeling more like my old self physically. So. I will wait.
My love for reading has reawakened. It was kind of hard to read when I was always drunk and couldn't see or focus. So I have been reading. A lot. I was so wound up that day though I couldn't focus. I knew I just needed to relax and work through what I was feeling. I stood in my kitchen and couldn't figure out what to do with myself. Drinking wasn't an option and I didn't really want one anyways. I read on here about 'playing the tape through' and all I saw coming from having a drink was it turning into two or three or more likely, the whole bottle and then starting a big fight with my husband when he got home. Plus, I didn't want to go through the withdrawal again. I try to keep that memory as vivid as I can and remember that I never want to feel that way again. That sucked.
The most challenging part of this 40 days hasn't been when "I" want a drink though, it's been when I think my husband wants a drink. It's hard to explain. And it's just a weird way our relationship is. If I was drinking, he was drinking. Now that I quit, he has pretty much quit. He could always stop at a couple and didn't have the dependency on it that I did. I had a dependency though so it was GREAT to have him as an excuse to drink. When I quit, he didn't believe me. I don't blame him...I wouldn't have believed me either. Anyways, I guess that's something else that is also a challenge.
Thanks for all your replies!
My love for reading has reawakened. It was kind of hard to read when I was always drunk and couldn't see or focus. So I have been reading. A lot. I was so wound up that day though I couldn't focus. I knew I just needed to relax and work through what I was feeling. I stood in my kitchen and couldn't figure out what to do with myself. Drinking wasn't an option and I didn't really want one anyways. I read on here about 'playing the tape through' and all I saw coming from having a drink was it turning into two or three or more likely, the whole bottle and then starting a big fight with my husband when he got home. Plus, I didn't want to go through the withdrawal again. I try to keep that memory as vivid as I can and remember that I never want to feel that way again. That sucked.
The most challenging part of this 40 days hasn't been when "I" want a drink though, it's been when I think my husband wants a drink. It's hard to explain. And it's just a weird way our relationship is. If I was drinking, he was drinking. Now that I quit, he has pretty much quit. He could always stop at a couple and didn't have the dependency on it that I did. I had a dependency though so it was GREAT to have him as an excuse to drink. When I quit, he didn't believe me. I don't blame him...I wouldn't have believed me either. Anyways, I guess that's something else that is also a challenge.
Thanks for all your replies!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi again, Meredith.
My situation was similar to yours. My spouse stopped drinking the same time I did, though he didn't have the problem, I did.
It's a little different in that he had wanted for years for us to quit or cut way back.
Now 3 years in, we don't miss alcohol. We don't make a big deal of it, and we certainly don't object to others' drinking around us.
I guess my only advice would be to walk your path, and let your husband walk his.
He can make his own choices, and if he wants to have the occasional drink, he will find a way, by going to a friend's house, or to a pub.
Put your recovery first. This will help you in all aspects of your life, including, hopefully, your relationship with your husband.
My marriage got 100 percent better when I put down the drink. I am now more present in our life together, and that is a good thing.
We can also go out occasionally in the evening for a walk or a movie, something we didn't do for years because that was my drinking time.
Good luck.
My situation was similar to yours. My spouse stopped drinking the same time I did, though he didn't have the problem, I did.
It's a little different in that he had wanted for years for us to quit or cut way back.
Now 3 years in, we don't miss alcohol. We don't make a big deal of it, and we certainly don't object to others' drinking around us.
I guess my only advice would be to walk your path, and let your husband walk his.
He can make his own choices, and if he wants to have the occasional drink, he will find a way, by going to a friend's house, or to a pub.
Put your recovery first. This will help you in all aspects of your life, including, hopefully, your relationship with your husband.
My marriage got 100 percent better when I put down the drink. I am now more present in our life together, and that is a good thing.
We can also go out occasionally in the evening for a walk or a movie, something we didn't do for years because that was my drinking time.
Good luck.
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