tail between my legs, here we go again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 110
hi thanks for the responses. I am on day 3 now, went to france yesterday, surrounded by people drinking. I'm happy to say that although I felt a moment of 'they are so lucky, look at them enjoying a drink normally'. It was immediately followed with the thought 'no, that's not my life anymore, forget about it, move on'. So we had icecream and coke at a restaurant instead. Came home and no drama created, what a beautiful feeling that is.
Ive said before after my last slip that when I came back and wanted to not do it again, for some reason there was something that stopped me being fully committed to it. The acceptance of not drinking had gone, and I was considering moderating. Why this happened after such a fantastic sober time, and why I thought I would want that is beyond on me. I simply don't have the answer, so can only think it was my addiction speaking to me, and I let it.
I turned 35 last week, and I made a promise to myself, that i will not see in another birthday in my life feeling how i have every other year. Having made the mistakes i have and the regret and shame i live with. The embarrassment and memory loss, the arguments, the money spent and the secrets i hid and lies i told. I don't want it. Maybe this was the relapse that ends all relapses. I had my last drink on my birthday, i have a very definite stop date, a memorable one and i want to keep it. I'm looking at AA further away from my home, i drive so that isn't an issue, i have bought various books regarding stress management, as stress is my main trigger, if i can get a grip on that, it may help everything else slot into place. I am reconnecting with my therapist for more sessions of CBT. ive downloaded books on audible to listen to when i am unable to get an appointment. And i am told to read the book by Allen Carr? If anyone else has valuable reading material i will gladly take it, its my favourite past time and i absorb information so much better that way. Hope you are all doing well.
Ive said before after my last slip that when I came back and wanted to not do it again, for some reason there was something that stopped me being fully committed to it. The acceptance of not drinking had gone, and I was considering moderating. Why this happened after such a fantastic sober time, and why I thought I would want that is beyond on me. I simply don't have the answer, so can only think it was my addiction speaking to me, and I let it.
I turned 35 last week, and I made a promise to myself, that i will not see in another birthday in my life feeling how i have every other year. Having made the mistakes i have and the regret and shame i live with. The embarrassment and memory loss, the arguments, the money spent and the secrets i hid and lies i told. I don't want it. Maybe this was the relapse that ends all relapses. I had my last drink on my birthday, i have a very definite stop date, a memorable one and i want to keep it. I'm looking at AA further away from my home, i drive so that isn't an issue, i have bought various books regarding stress management, as stress is my main trigger, if i can get a grip on that, it may help everything else slot into place. I am reconnecting with my therapist for more sessions of CBT. ive downloaded books on audible to listen to when i am unable to get an appointment. And i am told to read the book by Allen Carr? If anyone else has valuable reading material i will gladly take it, its my favourite past time and i absorb information so much better that way. Hope you are all doing well.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
I simply don't have the answer, so can only think it was my addiction speaking to me, and I let it.
The only book I read was Rational Recovery The New Cure for Substance Addiction by J Trimpey, and it speaks directly to your sentiment above. There are great threads in the Secular Connections forum here on SR that discuss the book and the ideas in it.
The only book I read was Rational Recovery The New Cure for Substance Addiction by J Trimpey, and it speaks directly to your sentiment above. There are great threads in the Secular Connections forum here on SR that discuss the book and the ideas in it.
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