Veered too close
 

I have been struggling today with temptation. Thinking of wine and even considering giving in. A kind of a "oh, what the h***, why not?" feeling. I had been feeling so determined, and this is kind of scaring me. I didn't give in, and I noticed after an hour or so the intensity of the craving was gone, but it took me aback by how strong it was.

The only things I can think of that caused it are an upcoming family vacation, and actually handling a bottle of wine that a house guest brought to my house for themselves. I wasn't going to drink any. But maybe just holding the bottle did something to me, subconsciously? I even eyed the wine aisles at the store later, even though I didn't walk in.

It stinks.

I know, with absolute certainty, rationally, how much better (understatement) I am doing without drinking (5 weeks now) but I got perilously close to the edge. What it is, of course, is that I want to be able to still drink without any of the ill effects, but it just doesn't work that way.

Ugh.

:headbange

It gets better tealily,
I think it's the AV's way after you get some sober time. Kind of sneaks up on you here and there. It's awesome that you recognized it for what it was. Five weeks is great. It will get better.

I always found that re-reading my old threads was a great way of reminding me why staying sober did matter.

Another good thing is to reach out - the monsters die in the light - so I'm really glad to you reached out.

I think a lot of us,sometimes get a feeling of 'is this all there is?'

It can be deflating to put in effort and time and end up not feeling too much different from when we were drinking.

It can also be daunting to face things like 4th of July weekends and feeling left out.

Our inner addict will use all those things, and will try its best to persuade us that drinking is the answer.

It's not.

Please don't think that this is the best it gets - it gets better.

The more you build a sober life you love the better it gets.

This weekend could be a great opportunity for more 'foundation work' :)

D

Hello
 

I know what you mean about holding that bottle of wine. I can relate. Sometimes, I get pleasure from holing a bottle of pills. Sometimes I open the bottle and take a look. After a while of doing that, I eventually take one. Or two. Then it goes on for a while when even though I promise never to take another pill again, I find myself breaking and entering to get the pill. It is the most shameful thing that I have ever done.

Good job recognizing that temptation for what it was and posting here, tealily. Mattq2 is right, it will get better. Keep moving forward and never look back!

I'm so glad you came here and posted, and that you didn't drink. Five weeks is fantastic, you are past those difficult early days, and never have to get through them again.

Each day sober gets better and better. Playing the tape through has been a great strategy for me. Thinking about how I would feel waking up tomorrow with a hangover, or knowing I drank is enough to make me say "absolutely not."

I look forward to seeing you here on SR.

Don't do it Tealily. I've fallen off the wagon this week and I feel horrendous emotionally. It really isn't worth it X

Re read old posts, like Dee suggests. I do that now and then and my posts from my 2016 class are an amazing virtual diary. They're desperate, sad, emotional, elated, happy, confused, scared, funny, grateful, thankful, boring at times, mundane, cheerful, optimistic, boastful, .... well, pretty much everything you can imagine. It's great reading and every time I do I always come away firmly resolved that I am Never. Going. To. Drink. Again. And for 17 months it's worked.

Thank you all for the support and suggestions. Posting here really did help.
Woke up this morning so relieved I hadn't given in. Can't imagine now having had to have reset again after those five good weeks.

Tea,

Agree. The av lurks.

Sr is a big part of me not relapsing.

I really hold myself accountable by offering stories and advice on my sobriety success.

I don't want to be the guy that broke down and relapsed after 2 years of acting like i am the man.

Thanks.

So glad you didn't drink Tealily! You are doing amazing, stay on your path. I find even if the urge to drink pops up it will subside and you can be so proud of standing your ground and not giving in. I'm proud of you and cheering you on.... 😘