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Will I ever be completely sober?

Old 06-30-2017, 05:00 AM
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Will I ever be completely sober?

I drink again last night after being two months sober. Now I feel guilty as hell this morning. I have tried to do this only on my own. I nee some help from somewhere. I have been taking medicine that will get you sick if you drink but my scrip ran out. I'm good when I'm taking the medicine but damn will I have to take it the rest of my life?! I have been feeling better not drinking except I'm always tired as hell. MY PAST- I started drinking around late 20's and now I'm 45. I don't want to offend no one but I feel the need to tell the truth here. I really seriously started drinking because it seem to really help our sex life. I still drink because it really seems to help us enjoy our sex life. My wife drinks too much also. She doesn't think she has a problem. I do drink way more than her and I always over do it..But I really believe she has a problem also , just not as bad as mine. I'm really thinking about going to AA . Some thoughts?
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Old 06-30-2017, 05:04 AM
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Sounds like a perfect time for AA. Focusing on my own problem was - still is- critical for me.

Meds and all other support tools for sobriety can follow the fundamental decision to quit and acceptance that you cannot ever drink again. I do take several meds and happily anticipate taking the anti craving med (camp real) indefinitely or "forever." I took Antabuse (correctly!!) the first 90 days of my sobriety. I also did about 82 meetings in those 90 days.

You can be sober and begin a life of recovery if you want to badly enough. There is lots of support here and in AA and other places so you don't have to do it on your own.

Best to you.
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Old 06-30-2017, 05:49 AM
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That's not offensive, don't worry.

I have never tried antabuse but I don't imagine that would be enough for me. I want to work out my issue with *needing* to drink.

If you've never tried AA, it might be good for you. You spend much of your time with a person who has no motivation to quit drinking. If you talk to people who have managed to quit and stay quit, you can start to figure out what you need to do.
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Old 06-30-2017, 05:51 AM
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Welcome to SR, Wizzoo!

You can't get your wife sober, but you can get sober even if she doesn't.

I'm not a 12-stepper, but why not try AA? It helps a lot of people. Maybe you will find some relief there.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!
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Old 06-30-2017, 06:12 AM
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Sober

Hi August.
Thanks for the reply. That was actually my first post ever. I'll probably go to AA meeting tomorrow. At least sit in on one and see what it's all about. I have also had this pressure under my right rib for several years but can't seem to find out what it is.. I have had every test imagined but the Drs seem to think I'm crazy. I really think its a liver problem but they say everything looks normal. it may also be a rib problem because I do feel something clicking a lot. I'm not really sure why I just gave you my medical history I guess I feel the need to get some of this stuff off my chest. Antubuse is the medicine I've been taking. It works well because I have drink while taking it and It makes me feel awful. the bad news is I have drink several times while on the antubuse (spelling?) and it gets me sick every time. You would think I would NEVER drink while taking it but I have a few times. I know that sounds stupid but I have even knowing I'm going to get sick. STRANGE I know. I have done a lot better this year. I will go weeks at a time without drinking. Records for me.... I don't have any withdrawals now when I stop drinking or at least not any of the serious ones. I'm not giving up at all. Just starting again..
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Old 06-30-2017, 06:16 AM
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thanks for the replies... I was expecting my post to go unnoticed. I know it sounds crazy but I do believe my sex life plays a big role in my drinking. The sex is 100 times better. It just gives us encouragement to do things we would probably not do if we were sober. As odd as it sounds I actually think drinking gives us a healthy sex life. yea I know that sounds stupid.
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Old 06-30-2017, 07:30 AM
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It depends on what your definition of good sex is, I guess. And is that more important to you than a deeper emotional connection, taking care of your health, etc. If you stopped drinking and the sex went away, would you still want to be with her? Sorry if that's too personal.
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Old 06-30-2017, 07:34 AM
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A lot can change when we get sober. You cannot get your wife sober, as already stated but working on yourself and forging a new road, a healthier road, will only produce positive results.

As for the sex: I dont know about this one but I do think it is good that you are sharing and maybe someone will chime in with their experience on the subject.

Keep moving forward.
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Old 06-30-2017, 09:40 AM
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No suprise you drink even though the antabuse makes you sick. I drank even after throwing up from drinking too much. That is what I do, I abuse alcohol and have no off switch. I make bad decisions. I ruin my health, I feel guilt and shame. I ruin relationships. Well not anymore. I am a year sober. Best thing I ever did. The sex thing, cannot help you there, but you deserve to be sober, you deserve to be healthy! Quit drinking any way possible.
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Old 06-30-2017, 10:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Wizzooo View Post
I know it sounds crazy but I do believe my sex life plays a big role in my drinking. The sex is 100 times better. It just gives us encouragement to do things we would probably not do if we were sober.
Addiction will try and make you believe just about anything to keep you drinking. The reality though is that Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, and it actually affects just about every function of your body in a negative way.

I used to think I did a lot of things better when I was drinking until I quit...then I looked back and realized how far in denial I really was. It takes a while too, you had 30 days sober which is great but it takes a lot longer than that to really get your body and mind "right" and able to enjoy life sober.

I think you are right that you need some help outside of just doing it on your own with Anatabuse. Antabuse is not really a recovery program, it's designed to be used to help get you transitioned into recovery and it's also meant to be used in conjunction with a recovery program/plan. AA would be a great place to start if you are interested in finding out more, and SR itself can be a support community as well.
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Old 06-30-2017, 11:06 AM
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Like everyone has said, getting sober support will probably be key for you in achieving recovery. Maybe you will serve to be a example for your wife, an inspiration for her to also try out sobriety?
About sex, as was already said I 'thought' we had good sex when we were drinking. My alcoholic chirpy voice told me I wasnt going to be fun, that sex was going to be boring or that I was going to have alot of inhibitions sexually without the alcohol. Ive found it to be completely the opposite. Frankly I am having the best sex of my life since I got sober almost a year ago! Alcohol is an anethstic and without my body parts being put to sleep with the drug, it is much more enjoyable. Plus my husband and I are experiencing a new heightened level of intimacy now which for me is essential for good sex. No more passing out before we even get to the romance either is an extra bonus!

Best of luck to you!
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Old 06-30-2017, 03:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Wizzooo View Post
I drink again last night after being two months sober. Now I feel guilty as hell this morning. I have tried to do this only on my own. I nee some help from somewhere. I have been taking medicine that will get you sick if you drink but my scrip ran out. I'm good when I'm taking the medicine but damn will I have to take it the rest of my life?! I have been feeling better not drinking except I'm always tired as hell. MY PAST- I started drinking around late 20's and now I'm 45. I don't want to offend no one but I feel the need to tell the truth here. I really seriously started drinking because it seem to really help our sex life. I still drink because it really seems to help us enjoy our sex life. My wife drinks too much also. She doesn't think she has a problem. I do drink way more than her and I always over do it..But I really believe she has a problem also , just not as bad as mine. I'm really thinking about going to AA . Some thoughts?
Do you have insurance and a primary care doctor to easily renew said script or did you let it run out?

That particular drug is meant for people not planning to drink around it. I'm also guilty. I had a relapse about a year ago where I specifically stopped taking it so that I could drink 5 days later. And I did.
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Old 06-30-2017, 03:29 PM
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Porn and Strippers and Toys add some interesting twists to sex without booze but I guess some folks might be jelous of that sort of thing. Just saying what works for us when we want to spice things up. Once things start getting hot inhibitons melt away. I'm almost your age and have been with my wife for over 20 years so sometimes we need some extra excitement.

I had three falls after two months. The first fall lasted four months, the second a day and the thrid one lasted nearly a month.

This time I'm an day 141 and it's still a struggle. That said after going two months a few times and realizing how long it takes to get there and how far down the fall is it's scared me from even craving anymore.

I know I can't let my guard down but I finally feel so defeated by it that I've just given up on cravings.
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Old 06-30-2017, 03:58 PM
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Hi wizzoo - some good advice here.

As long as you think you're getting some benefit from alcohol it's going to be hard to quit, Anatabuse or not.

Alcohol worked for me too - for a while in all kinds of ways...then it didn't.

It tried hard to convince me it was working long after that tho = thats the nature of it.

Like Oona said, everythings better in recovery.

I hope you (and your wife) give yourselves the chance to find that out

D
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Old 06-30-2017, 08:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Wizzooo View Post
I still drink because it really seems to help us enjoy our sex life.
I can relate a little bit to this as I seem to get along much better with my wife when drinking, and according to her I'm not much fun to be around when sober. And yeah, I've used that as an excuse to keep drinking...to save our marriage.

ScottfromWI made a great point about it in your thread..."Addiction will try and make you believe just about anything to keep you drinking." That really resonates with me....maybe you too. Good luck to ya.
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Old 06-30-2017, 11:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Wizzooo View Post
thanks for the replies... I was expecting my post to go unnoticed. I know it sounds crazy but I do believe my sex life plays a big role in my drinking. The sex is 100 times better. It just gives us encouragement to do things we would probably not do if we were sober. As odd as it sounds I actually think drinking gives us a healthy sex life. yea I know that sounds stupid.
I had the same experience. Sex and drinking were 100 percent intertwined for me for reasons I won't post here. So I know exactly what you mean.
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Old 07-05-2017, 05:00 AM
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Bad July 4

Thanks for all the replies. Pretty much drink all weekend until the 4th. After over a month without any alcohol. Sux. Now i feel like i have to start all over. Makes me feel better just getting on here and reading. Maybe I should have done that this weekend.
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Old 07-05-2017, 06:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Wizzooo View Post
Thanks for all the replies. Pretty much drink all weekend until the 4th. After over a month without any alcohol. Sux. Now i feel like i have to start all over. Makes me feel better just getting on here and reading. Maybe I should have done that this weekend.
It would have been a good idea to come here first. Having a plan or a support network in place and using it is essential for most of us. We can't change what we should have or could have done though, so why not make a plan to spend more time here and/or add a formal sobriety plan so you don't have to go through this all over again? You get to choose your path.
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Old 07-05-2017, 06:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Wizzooo View Post
thanks for the replies... I was expecting my post to go unnoticed. I know it sounds crazy but I do believe my sex life plays a big role in my drinking. The sex is 100 times better. It just gives us encouragement to do things we would probably not do if we were sober. As odd as it sounds I actually think drinking gives us a healthy sex life. yea I know that sounds stupid.

“We have drunk to escape the guilt of passions, and then have drunk again to make more passions possible. We have drunk for vainglory—that we might the more enjoy foolish dreams of pomp and power. This perverse soul-sickness is not pleasant to look upon. Instincts on rampage balk at investigation. The minute we make a serious attempt to probe them, we are liable to suffer severe reactions.”

Excerpt From: AA World Services, Inc. “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.”

Every reason I drank others have experienced. I figured if they drank for the same reasons and I wasn't unique, then what they did to get sober might work as well.
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Old 07-05-2017, 11:02 AM
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That's a very complicated situation (the sex part) and if alcohol is a problem, it's better to give up the bottle than have a great sex life--although, it really sucks. I know from first hand experience.

I lost a ton of weight while drinking (unlike others because I had really reached the end. I didn't just have that 20 lb late-night-munchy bloat. No, I was dying and my organs were shutting down BUT, I reach my HS weight).

Husband loved it. I called "pig" and I'm aggravated about it. Plus, I was not inhibited and things were very wild. I looked great. We were having sex at least every other night (and we were approaching 10 years together, so it definitely wasn't the excitement of young love).

Anyway, fast forward. My body opted for sobriety and I spent 7 days in the hospital getting vitamins, water, etc. Came out at 120 and the great sex life continued into sobriety.

Um, then I gained 25 lbs over the past year (probably 30, but I've lost 7). My husband is not as interested because he's immature and full of himself (he's not exactly supposed to be gracing a magazine himself). The sex had slowed down and it has caused a lot of problem, particularly because I'm a woman and already super hyper sensitive about weight issues.

But, I would rather substitute this rather high rent problem for the problems I had as a raging alcohol while "doing it" all the time. but, yes, it's a problem. It's the lesser of two evils where alcohol is concerned.
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