myluckyday

I've got some time off coming up starting tomorrow and I feel I can't look forward to it. This is my first time off since becoming sober 67 days ago. I'm having a worse time now than I did at 30 days!!! I've had a really bad week and a drink sounds so freaking good right now. I think it's the whole summer vibe thing going on. Watching friends, family and neighbors partake. I can't even watch tv without seeing someone having a drink. Why did I screw up my life so much that I'm stuck with this problem now!? Ugh!!!!! This sucks!!!!!

Nonsensical

I can do anything I want with my time off.

OR I can drink.

But I can't do both.

Pretty simple, really. My life became incredible and all I had to do was quit drinking. I won the lottery. Should I sit around missing that dollar I spent on the ticket?

Go down to the animal shelter and play with an abandoned dog. Go feed some homeless people. Go down to the cemetery and say hello to the people who didn't beat their addictions.

Just don't sit around doing nothing - it will get to you after a while!

Anna

I hope you find fun things to do that don't involve alcohol. Do you like camping, hiking, swimming? And, as Nonsensical mentioned, volunteer work can be so positive in your life. It's important to try to make friendships with people who are sober so you can plan things together that will suit you. Early recovery is all about change and the changes are so important to support your recovery. Congratulations on 67 days.

MLD51

Try to flip your thinking around a bit. You aren't stuck with a problem. You have an opportunity now to do something different with your life. I know it's tough to watch other people drink - I felt the same way for a while. I was mourning the loss of a substance that I *thought* was my only way to socialize and cope. Seeing other people enjoying themselves drinking seemed so unfair. But I know I can't drink like people who aren't alcoholics can. I don't have an off switch. But - think about this - your upcoming time off can be spent doing ANYTHING YOU WANT. When I was drinking, I would have all these great plans for constructive or fun things I was going to do, and it always ended up with me binging for days and getting none of those things done. Then I'd feel like crap about myself. On top of feeling physically crappy. That's no way to live.

I have 5 days off over the upcoming holiday weekend. I have plans to get some projects done around my house, spend some time with my son doing fun stuff, and to get out hiking a few times. Drinking will not get in the way of those plans. I won't spend a bunch of money on stupid booze. I'll remember everything. And I'll go back to work Wednesday clear-headed, with no regrets, ready to get back to work.

Try to plan your time - too much time with no plans isn't a good idea early on in sobriety. Get out into the world - don't spend too much time alone at home. Do you go to AA? If so, try to find some different meetings to go to. Spend time with family, if you have it nearby. Try something new you've always wanted to try. Go for walks. Change things up. The world is your oyster - so many possibilities!

doggonecarl

The best solution for the bad week you are experiencing is time off! Leverage this time off in a way that supports your decision to quit drinking. Plan how you are going to spend your time off. Don't mope around and then cite boredom as a trigger to drink. Or if it's rest you need, rest. Revel in it.

If staying busy has been the only thing that's keeping you sober, then your recovery plan is lacking. So having time off is a great time to invest in your sobriety.

thomas11

After some more sober time you'll appreciate the beauty of the statement above. Its brilliant in its simplicity, and so true.

tomsteve

"Why did I screw up my life so much that I'm stuck with this problem now!? "
ok, first thing first- ya gotta get rid of the self pity. it aint helpin.
67 days sober!!!
1,3,6,10,20 years may seem like a long time, but 2 months is an eternity.
to the common house fly, 2 months is like 3 lifetimes.
ok, ya hadda bad week. that sucks. they happen.even a few years in, i can have em. but that week is in the PAST- let it goooo and dont drag it into today.
you FEEL you cant look forward to it. feelings arent always true.
howz about putting some new glasses on? change your attitude?
it reads like yer planning on focusing on "Watching friends, family and neighbors partake."
why not watch other things?
instead of sittin back with a long face, why not see what you can add to the occasion? why not make plans to have activities that you and others can enjoy without alcohol?

the 1st 1sts without alcohol can feel weird and different. the 1st 4th of july, 1st birthday, 1st every holiday........
there was only 1 way for me to learn to enjoy them all- thats to do them the first time.

and ALWAYS have an escape route just in case.

tomsteve

p.s.
yes, you can find something to watch on tv without seeing someone having a drink on it. probably just an extreme focus right now.
turn on the cartoon network.

myluckyday

Unfortunately my time off includes my husband with dementia. That puts a big damper on fun. Only a caregiver to someone with dementia 24/7 understands that. I can't go out alone. I do belong to a dementia support group but I still struggle. My husband was mentally abusive to me for our entire marraige and now I take care of his every need. I would love to get in a car and just drive and never come back. Unfortunately anywhere I go, there I am. I can't get away from myself and that's my problem too. Sorry to bitch so much. I'm trying to stay sober with all my might!!!

Delizadee

myluckyday,
I'm really sorry for what you're dealing with so I can understand somewhat how tiresome, frustrating, and disheartening that can feel.
But, hopefully with some time and work you can find a small corner of your life where you can find some peace and solace, and hopefully some laughs here and there.

Is your support group online? If it's not, can you find some online support for it?
I would stay close to SR too. Post lots, giving vent to your feelings is much healthier than keeping them bottled up. Better out, than in! I often say.

In the mean time, can you have a small little safe cove in your home where you can practice some healthy activities? Maybe a little screen like a smart phone, tablet or laptop in a cozy corner to watch some netflix of your choice, meditation, yoga, some exercise... why don't you write a list of things you enjoy that you can work into your days off while still coping with your husband's dementia.

Also, do you have any other face to face supports? I was thinking possibly if you could find a mentor, support person, a mobile(?) therapist (I had one that we did sessions over the phone, and my addictions counselor does too). Or perhaps a sponsor if you are interested in AA at all, they do have online meetings.

I am really sorry about the pain you are going through. My grandmother had dementia and it was very difficult to deal with.
My stepmom in my opinion has the early signs of dementia from my previous is experience with it. She's always been an abusive person so it's not really getting better.
So, my love and support go out to you. I really, really hope you can carve out some YOU time on your time off. You deserve it! You deserve it SOBER! Really, no matter how tough things are.. it should hopefully become a little clearer with time better ways and new avenues for you to cope and take care of your own health.

BrendaChenowyth

As others have said, drinking narrows your options down to one. Not drinking opens you up to unlimited possibilities for spending all this free time, which bear in mind, is a luxury that won't last. You will go back to work feeling like you have wasted it if you drink. Because once you start, that is all you will do. Drink and recover from drinking and feel like absolute garbage. Or have fun doing anything you want sober.

tekink

How do I handle time off work?

For me it's far far far easier than spending time at work.

Work is the worst for me, we all see life from our own perspecitve. Sometimes it helps to get a view of other perspetives to help clearify your own vision!

Unfortunatly for me work means spending 60+ a week in a bar.

Changing my occupation is not so easy, I'm one of the owners.

I hear you on the struggle of 60 days! I had a really hard time making it much further than that number. On on day 140 today and it's still a strugle but these days my mind is getting better at reminding me that I'm only losing it because I took the alcohol away.

Nonsensical

The resentment might be completely justified, but it will still eat you up if you don't find a way to work through it. Are there some support groups for caregivers in your area? Maybe an internet forum where you can swap stories, tips, and advice? (Just spit-balling)

Maybe spend some time this weekend figuring out a plan for caring for the hubby, that includes some self-care as well. You need to have something to look forward to as well!

Sorry you're in a rough patch. Hugs to you mld!

applewakesup

I have tried to plan activities for the mornings that I am off. I feel tremendous satisfaction in being able to get up early, without a headache, feeling great and doing something adventurous or just active.

projek7r

Im going camping this weekend too, for like 4 days and its 4th of July....all my camping friends drink and ive gone through so many scenarios about how im gonna explain myself. Im not worried about it but I am, I'm excited to experience a whole weekend sober (not that I got tanked all weekend on other trips but still) and excited to see what id be doing in lieu of... oh man good luck to you my friend well both need it. If I didnt go all out last week and end up waking up in jail things couldve been different but things happen the way they do for a reason. This is at least what I keep telling myself.

least

I am sorry for your situation. I hope that you can have a good time without thinking about people around you drinking.

Congrats on over two months sober! It gets better.

madgirl

Catch up on sleep. Get a good haircut. Walk my dogs. Read. Try out instacart (ordering groceries online!) Try a new gym (Orange Theory - in the U.S.) Go for a long hike. Listen to music.

Lol these are just some of my plans.

As an active alcoholic? My plans would have been drink - cry - blackout. Wake up in horror. Try to soothe the hangover and panic. Rinse, repeat until I staggered into work - tired, battered and lower than low.

madgirl

I know it is still new. I know how uncomfortable and strange it feels. Please trust - it DOES get better! You are changing your brain!!!

myluckyday

Thank you all for your advice. It really does help me coming here. Almost one week since I had to put my furbaby down. He was the only light I had on many miserable occasions. I am trying to get through this rough spot. Hanging on by my fingernails. I'm just taking it a moment at a time. I'm going to bed now so at least I won't drink tonight. Love to you all!!

tekink

I don't know if it's too soon for you but I'd have a puppy already. I love dogs and I would be devistated if anything happened to them. That said I'm a dog person, I've always had at least one dog and I'll always have a dog.

My last pup I picked up three days after putting my 14 year old down. He looks just like her but completely opposite temperment.

Dogs have so much fun they don't get to spend as long here as we do

edit: oh yeah, I'm totaly a cat person too!