Looking in the wrong place
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Looking in the wrong place
Feeling so peaceful today. And it's not a peaceful day. Woke up late and it was a massive rush to get the kids to school and me to work on time. Work today involves loads of data entry - my least favourite part of my job. Got to take the kids to the dentist after school which is always a joy and I know that when we get home, the cereals and bowls from this morning's rushed breakfast will still be all over the kitchen.
But I feel so peaceful I don't seem to care. As long as everyone is healthy and happy, who cares about mess? I'll clear it up later. And all the data entry didn't seem that bad today. I've flown through it and it's a great sense of accomplishment now it's done. I feel so calm and so at peace. I have this strong sense that everything is exactly how it should be.
I suddenly realised that this state of mind is what I've been chasing all these years with drink after drink after drink. What I didn't realise was that with each drink I was getting further and further away from this state of mind. And with each day of sobriety I've been getting closer and closer back to it.
It made me think that searching for happiness in alcohol is like searching for something massive, like a blue whale, but searching for it up a mountain. You sort of know you're looking in the wrong place but addiction tells you that if you keep climbing the mountain, maybe today will be the day you stumble across the elusive blue whale. Once you stop drinking, sobriety tells you that the blue whale isn't on the mountain and it never will be. If you want to find the blue whale, you need to start looking somewhere else.
I don't know why I'm thinking about a blue whale on a mountain. Maybe all the data entry has fried my brain. I just thought that instead of keeping it inside my head, I'd put these thoughts here. Maybe one day someone will read this and realise that they're searching for a blue whale on a mountain. Maybe this will encourage them to start looking elsewhere.
But I feel so peaceful I don't seem to care. As long as everyone is healthy and happy, who cares about mess? I'll clear it up later. And all the data entry didn't seem that bad today. I've flown through it and it's a great sense of accomplishment now it's done. I feel so calm and so at peace. I have this strong sense that everything is exactly how it should be.
I suddenly realised that this state of mind is what I've been chasing all these years with drink after drink after drink. What I didn't realise was that with each drink I was getting further and further away from this state of mind. And with each day of sobriety I've been getting closer and closer back to it.
It made me think that searching for happiness in alcohol is like searching for something massive, like a blue whale, but searching for it up a mountain. You sort of know you're looking in the wrong place but addiction tells you that if you keep climbing the mountain, maybe today will be the day you stumble across the elusive blue whale. Once you stop drinking, sobriety tells you that the blue whale isn't on the mountain and it never will be. If you want to find the blue whale, you need to start looking somewhere else.
I don't know why I'm thinking about a blue whale on a mountain. Maybe all the data entry has fried my brain. I just thought that instead of keeping it inside my head, I'd put these thoughts here. Maybe one day someone will read this and realise that they're searching for a blue whale on a mountain. Maybe this will encourage them to start looking elsewhere.
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Originally Posted by kenton 
I suddenly realised that this state of mind is what I've been chasing all these years with drink after drink after drink. What I didn't realise was that with each drink I was getting further and further away from this state of mind. And with each day of sobriety I've been getting closer and closer back to it.
Ah, Kenton. Peace is awesome. Glad you found your Blue Whale in the right place.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Love your whale up a mountain. Can't beat a good analogy.
Like Richard Rohr once said about analogies and stories - there is so much truth. And sometimes it even happened. There are larger truths than can be expressed in a report.
So pleased you got a taste of that serenity.
BBx
Like Richard Rohr once said about analogies and stories - there is so much truth. And sometimes it even happened. There are larger truths than can be expressed in a report.
So pleased you got a taste of that serenity.
BBx
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