Misc72

I'm always a work in progress...

Escorting my son to MIT in Boston for a 2 week engineering camp.

Then husband and I are roadtripping to Times Square for the 4th of July. Got a hotel in Times Square.
Since my resolve to abstain is in tact, I'm worried AV will talk me into things.

Then we head to see a business related company where they ALWAYS wine and dine us in Pennsylvania... Need to prepare to say NO to the wine part. Luckily our sales rep doesn't drink either.

Then we head to see my husbands long time friend in Washington DC. So we will see how it goes.

My goal is to get to 90 days! If I can get there then I have a good chance of turning this back into a permanent lifestyle.

Any thoughts on daily drinking vs. just going out to party once in a while? Because that is what I'm tossing around in my head. Because I was never physically dependent on alcohol and never drank daily, but when I do drink, I drink in excess? This is AV isn't it?

Thoughts, suggestions, questions, advice? I'll take it... I'll use this thread to check in on my adventure! We leave this Saturday.

CreativeThinker

Sounds like a great trip! Hope you have a wonderful time.

Yes...it's definitely your AV!

Behappy1

Definitely your AV - I've never been able to moderate. Its best not to risk it.

doggonecarl

If you could just "party once in a while" you probably would already be doing that and would have never needed to join Sober Recovery.

But you can't. That's why you are here, seeking sobriety.

Ariesagain

You have five pages of threads going back three and a half years...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...archid=7790905

At some point, it gets easier to stay quit than to continue to have this losing debate with yourself, yes?

You know better.

Misc72

Funny you mention that, I started this thread with that fact and how exhausting it has been. Then I deleted and re-wrote it. And how I was high on sobriety for the first 12 months and then the cravings slowly crept back in until I caved. So I'm trying to get back to that first year of happiness and then learn from my former threads of cravings what I can do better. Then I do well, then I justify that I'm not an alcoholic and then drink, and then the whole cycle starts again. It's insane. I want to beat myself up most of the time.

nova84

Hi sunshine72,

My 5 months of sobriety last year ended because I felt I had achieved my goal of stopping daily drinking after work and that "just" drinking at social events would be okay for me. Roll on 1.5 yrs of doing just that...I ruined very special occasions for myself and others, I have experienced days of hangovers and weeks of emotional and psychological hell recovering from these occasional binges and I engaged in regrettable and shameful actions that I can never take back whilst under the influence (thankfully these actions did not ruin my life...but they could have done). Based on my experience of "just" drinking occasionally/socially I would implore you not to...I wish I hadn't let my AV talk me into it. Now I'm month sober and have no intention or inclination to every drink again.

Wishing you well on the rest of your recovery journey x

D122y

Sun,

You had a year of sobriety, relapsed, and now working on 90 days clean.

That is amazing.

I am pretty sure you don't have many more recoveries left.

Eventually,...the crazy just stays.

Stay clean.

You have a great life.

Thanks.

Misc72

Thank you love hearing from those that had similar drinking traits. Because I can't really relate to daily drinkers and I think that it isn't applicable to my situation and then I think well maybe I don't need full on sobriety. And when your own family is telling you that your exaggerating, and you don't have a drinking problem, except my son he doesn't like it one bit, and he is the one that counts!... it's tough. lol I'm in it to win it for sure though. I have my share of regrettable behavior for sure! Not worth it.

Misc72

Dee would ask, what are you going to do different this time...

I am working on a solid plan. I didn't do that in writing the last time, because it was just in my head. So I'm trying really trying. I know these travels will be full of temptation but I'll stay grounded and check in on this thread.

Dee74

I had to accept I was never a take it or leave it drinker. I always drank to get wasted.

I also had to accept it was the first drink that started the madness not the last.

I came to see my relationship with alcohol was always dysfunctional and toxic - and I believe it always will be.

Once I embraced those truths, I found it easier for me to quit ?

D

ps My whole idea of fun revolved around drinking. I forgot how to have sober fun...but thankfully in recovered I remembered that for a large part of my life I didn't need alcohol or drugs to have a great time.

I have more fun now than I ever did as a drinker.

I don't usually hang around with heavy drinkers tho - it's just deathly boring to me to watch someone else get drunk - might be something to consider?

Zebra1275

Some good advice here.

You joined this website 3.5 years ago. Nobody joins this recovery website because they were on a winning streak. Whatever problems you had surrounding your drinking will quickly come back, but even worse, if you start drinking again.

Don't fool yourself with the notion that you are not a daily drinker. Alcoholism is progressive as hell and it gets worse as we get older.

I didn't drink daily, until suddenly I did. But then, even though I drank daily, I never drank in the morning, until suddenly I did. There are many alcoholic milestones on the way down, just don't fool yourself because you haven't reached them all . . . YET.

MissOverIt

Hi Sun,
I gave up my last stint of sobriety with those same thoughts. Absolutely nothing good came of it except the brutal reminder that I can't drink normally. Who knows, maybe it will be different for you. Either way I hope you have a great trip. Sounds like a blast! 😊

Misc72

I had a big reminder last night of my "WHY" I don't want or need to drink. My mother does drink daily, It is and always has been appalling to me and I vowed to NEVER put my son through these feelings, even now I'm 44 it takes me back to childhood with that drunk parent. She loves us so much so this isn't an attack on her. So for a few years she has cut back so to speak, to 3 (24oz.) cans of beer per night. Well last night she drank whiskey with my brother and she was not able to get off of the floor and managed to crawl into the bathroom to get sick. My 19 year old nephew had me on the phone while this was happening and he was crying because he thought she was dying. *Sigh* makes my heart ache. I called her this morning to make sure she was o.k. She likely will never drink whiskey again, but the agony of it all... If I needed a sign, this sure was it. And these are the family members telling me I don't have a problem. It's just that I haven't gotten there, 'yet'. Thanks for all the awesome advice. You are all wonderful caring people. I'm gonna also post this one in my June class, so I'm sorry if you all see it again. I know I will be ok on my travels but I'm still staying close to SR and keeping myself on guard!

asixstringnut

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

saoutchik

Enjoy your trip sunshine72, 4th July in Times Square should be fun, especially if you are sober.

Good luck to your son too -I would love to attend a two week engineering camp at MIT so I am jealous.

Misc72

Flying to Boston today. Seeing friend after 10 years. We get to meet each other's family. Feeling good except I don't feel good about the petsitter. I'll have to let that go.

RetiredGuy

Have a great vacation. This has been a very useful thread for me to read(my AV has been louder than normal lately). Thanks for posting.

argillaceous

Sunshine, hey, you're headed to my neck of the woods! If you've never been to Boston before I think you'll love it. The MIT campus is beautiful and the camps for high-schoolers have consistently got high marks. Your son is going to be so jazzed!

You are being very thoughtful about the trip and where you might be encountering situations you may have to deal with AV. That is a good start as you approach those moments.

Safe travels.

Misc72

Awe always nice to help someone.

Argi: We are safely in Boston and it is amazing.
We have had lunch and meeting a long time friend of mine for a stroll through Boston Gardens and a ride on Dove boats. Have seen her in 18 years. Yes MIT is amazing. My son worked very hard for this experience.

Husband and I leave for New York Times Square tomorrow. That's where AV will need to be ZAPPED!