DreamBig42

It's embarrassing to be back, again. DreamBig42 is now 48 and worse than ever and I wish I had the problems that I had 6 years ago, when I first joined the forum.

It's a slippery slope into a deep, dark bottomless pit....depression, anxieties, personality disorders....the whole nine yards....and now booze-related health issues.

Not sure I can share much wisdom as I obviously suck at recovery, but I've got to dry out. Stay strong, all you newcomers...don't end up wasting your whole life in the bottle.

VigilanceNow

Your post has already helped me. I just narrowly avoided drinking and chose ginger ale. You CAN beat this. Get something​ with ice - that always makes me feel better :-)

Steely

No-one sucks at recovery DreamBig you are here so you ain't sucking.

DreamBig I have tried and failed so many times that I have lost count but finished up in your position where I could no longer deny that alcohol was destroying me and all that I held dear, including my integrity of being.

I came to know that drinking was far far harder on me than giving sobriety a shot. Take a shot of sobriety tastes yummy when you get the hang.

You sound that you are at this point now so hang here and maybe join the Class of June 2017. Talk with others who know what you are going through and understand.

You say that you wish you had have stopped 6 years ago. This is the beginning of a new 6 years.

My love and support to you.

least

It's never too late to start a whole new chapter of your life. Come here often for support. You can do this!

Jenni37

Today is a brand new day! Don't look back, make a plan and a fresh new start today! You can turn this around. Try to just take it simply one day at a time, small victories and accomplishments. You will feel so good taking control of your situation. We are all here for you, cheering you on. You got it

Nonsensical

Fixed your post.
There are no failures, losers, or 'those who suck at recovery' posting on these forums. Those people go away and we never hear from them again. The people posting on this forum are succeeding, learning, or both.

Welcome back.

Make a plan.
Work the plan.

nova84

Welcome back DreamBig42 💜

thomas11

Hey Dreambig, I quit at 47 and I'm 49 now. My life in that short period of time is completely different (better). Don't lose hope, stay sober. Rooting for ya.

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, DreamBig42; so glad that you are giving sobriety another chance.

Have you seen this thread?:


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...highlight=psst

It's well worth the read!

D122y

Dream,

It seems those of us that can drink w out getting in trouble, luckily, end up feeling the physical downfall around 50.

Something changes in us. Some folks make it longer or shorter, but i feel the bulk get the need to quit around 50.

I did as well.

How long have you made it sober in the past?

My record was 8 months. After that is was 1 month.

Now I have 2 years, but that is not the end.

I am a non drinker now. I crave sometimes, but it goes away.

The hardest part has been lingering paranoia and obsessing.

It has gotten better, but is still a bit there.

Once that goes away, that is when I will have another test.

For the last 2 plus years I have dealt w the brain damage from the booze.

As my brain heals, rewires, the crave sometimes creeps in.

I come here to remember. I also go to AA meetings and see and hear in real life, the horror of alcohol addiction.

Stay clean.

Thanks.

Gottalife

Hi Dreambig,
I had a look at some of your previous posts, lots of attempts generally on your own power, much the same as your current post. Do you have any reason to think this time will be different? Maybe it is time to try something different. Are you still living in a remote part of the world. I lived in a town in Malaysia with no meetings for eighteen months.

The nearest were several hours drive away, or I could fly. Air travel and accommodation is very cheap in this part of the world. I just spent a week in Bangkok, got a reasonable hotel for $30 a night, about 300 meters from the AA rooms where there were two meetings a day. And they are real friendly folk, with a lot of success in sobriety. There is also a rehab in that area, I met one younger fella who had recently come out. I bet it is a lot less expensive than some back home.

Perhaps it is time to try something new and turn all those past experiences into stepping stones to success.

Hevyn

Great to see you, DreamBig. Never be embarrassed with us! We all understand, like no one else can. You sound disgusted and ready to do it this time. We're here to listen and help.

DreamBig42

Thanks for the kind words and positive thoughts, everyone. Without being overly dramatic, I feel like this is rock bottom for me, and probably my last chance to get it right. I'm hoping my failing health and decline of my faculties will be enough to quit, but it hasn't been.

It's just a vicious cycle of failures, more depression and more drinking...rinse, repeat. Drinking 20+ drinks 3-4 times a week for years has done me no favors. I tapered off yesterday and today is day 1.

Zebra1275

I tapered off yesterday and today is day 1

Don't hesitate to get medical help if the withdrawal symptoms become to bad.

I quit after years of daily (but not necessarily heavy) drinking. My body was used to a little buzz at the end of the day before I went to bed. Trying to quit that cold turkey was physically difficult. A little bit of valium for a few days eased the anxiety and the shakes.

Hevyn

How's it going today, DreamBig? We're all with you.

DreamBig42

I'm about 48 hours since my last drink and it's going OK. The physical dependence doesn't seem to hit me too hard, as I usually don't drink every day anyways. It's more depression as I deal with accepting the reality of my life situation, and not having the ability now to just drink all my problems away.

I've got to harden up and deal with life like a man, instead of just avoiding a miserable reality inside a bottle, but learning new coping skills after all these years can't be easy. I'm reading "Feeling Good" by David Burns which is all about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and has helped a lot of others with depression.

Thanks for checking on me. I've got to give sobriety and fixing my other issues an honest shot....and see where that can take me.

bananagrrrl

I would suggest AA/ counseling/ therapy so you can "unload" your stuff.

Being honest is still hard for me when it comes to telling people how I am doing. I hold stuff in and then go to a meeting or my shrink and feel much better.

Delilah1

Hi Dreambig,

Welcome back! I am 46 and it took me many Day Ones before finally getting this right. I have been sober for a year and a half, and this website has been the biggest part of my recovery.

Dee's link about plans is a really good one. What are some of the supports you have in place?

Nonsensical

You never had that ability. You drank yourself away. When you came back your problems were still there.

Congrats on 48 hours! You're doing it!

Mizzuno

You can do this!

What are you doing that is promoting positive change aside from not drinking?
Therapy? AA? Exercise? Do you have a plan?

The book you mentioned sounds like a good read. Keep moving forward.