myluckyday

I keep thinking about how nice it would be to have a glass of wine with dinner. I know I can't but I have nothing else going for me. My hubs has dementia and we're relatively young (50's) He was crappy to me our whole marriage and now I'm his caretaker. I hate this. I'm unhealthy and stressed. I just lost my furbaby the other day to cancer. I spent all my measly savings on trying to rescue him and now I'm broke on top of miserable. I keep thinking I should just drink. At least it will make me feel numb.

time2shineagain

Hugs, myluckyday

I'm so sorry you're going through all this and so sorry about your furbaby.

I know what you mean about using alcohol to 'numb' feelings/stress/pain/anxiety. But it's only a temporary crutch. And afterwards we have to deal with the anxiety and self-loathing brought on by drinking.

You have 65 days under your belt, which is such a great accomplishment. You should be very proud. Is there something you can do for yourself to ride out the craving? Take a walk, have a long, relaxing bath, listen to some music or read a book?

Take care. We are here for you.

Dee74

Hi myluckyday

I'm sorry again for your loss and for the situation with your husband.

The bald truth is drinking won't make any of that better or any more tolerable.

I didn't really believe I'd be any happier in recovery but I am - I still have the same health issues and the same obstacles - but I'm ready to face them now, not run away.

Have you considered checking out a support group for dementia carers? If there's not one in real life near you, there will definitely be an online group?

D

eve123

So sorry to read you are going through this. My dad passed away from early onset dimentia and I know how difficult it was for my mum. My heart goes out to you. You have done so well to get to 65 days. Remember alcohol makes everything worse always. Keep strong x

Nonsensical

Recovery doesn't mean you'll never think about drinking again.

Recovery means knowing what to do when you those thoughts come.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time of things right now, but you know drinking will only make things worse.

least

I hope you don't give in and drink. It may seem like a solution, but it will only make things worse. Please stay sober.

I know it's hard dealing with dementia, my mom had it. And I'm really sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. But drinking won't make any of that better.

captainkitty

I'm sorry to hear about your situation and losing your fur baby. I've lost 2 furbabies in the last 6 months.. I hope you can find courage to continue staying sober

BrendaChenowyth

Lucky, have you looked in to getting some assistance with his care? You need breaks, you can't do it all on your own, and you have to take care of you.

If you're on facebook, look up Alzheimer's and dementia caregivers support. Join the one with the purple flowers as it's cover photo.

january161992

heres a virtual chip for ya

maybe get to a meeting and pickup a real one

i hope this is your day 66

God bless

myluckyday

I'm still sober but so freakin stressed with life. I feel like I have nothing going for me. Day in and day out just existing.

tekink

Hang in there. I fell off the first time I made it to 69 days. Climbing back up you realize exactly how long 65 days is!

Gottalife

Whenever I was sober I felt just like that. So I didn't stay sober, it wasn't attractive. But of course my mental and physical health was failing so I eventually had to find something better, or die. I began to live by the principles of the AA program and my life got considerable better. I lost that feeling altogether.

Years later, my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer, a particularly nasty type. She suffered greatly for the best part of two years before passing away. I was able to nurse her, look after our two children and our business and the miraculous thing is that it never occurred to me to drink, it didn't come up as an option. Imagine if it had, seriously ill wife, dependent children, distraught family, and me a useless drunk. Doesn't bear thinking about.

My wife had a friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer. Upon hearing the news her husband left her, how dreadful. My wife was discouraged and asked me when I would be leaving. It had never occurrred to me. I told her I loved her and would never leave. That is an example of how different I am to the useless drunk I was.

I continue to live by those spiritual principles, and the practice has brought me permanent and satisfying sobriety. You could do yourself a lot of good if you gave AA a try.

Bob4x4

I can relate to being broke, depressed, feeling life has played a mean trick on me, etc.. escape would be good I deserve it. etc.

yeah it doesn't really help and you go back to day 1 again.

you're letting your AV get too loud, maybe re-read the rational recovery flip cards on the Alcoholic Voice. beat the beast down, dont give it an inch of leeway.

keep up the good work, you are almost at 90 days.

Mattq2

Myluckyday,
I'm very sorry you are suffering so much. My commitment to sobriety has never been tested in such a way. I am committed to the belief that drinking will. It improve anything. Please don't drink. I pray that you find strength and happiness.

SimplyFree

I can relate to all your comments. When living in those circumstances it is very important to develop one thing for yourself. Your thing, your happy spot, your hiding place. For me it could be one of a few things. Practicing guitar, planting flowers and making something beautiful, watercolor painting. I'm not very good at it but just mixing the colors is therapeutic. Putting positive scents in the house is very helpful to me. Scents affect my moods and attitude a lot. I can't control the circumstances I have to deal with, but I can make my the atmosphere more pleasant and create some smiles in small breaks where I can think about what makes me happy. Also prayer is a positive help.

Dee74

Hows it going myluckyday?

D

bananagrrrl

I'm sorry for the loss of your fur baby!

I hope you are hanging in there.

myluckyday

I'm still here guys. Haven't had a drink. Thank you all for your responses. It's keeping me afloat. Today I pick up my furbaby's ashes. Hopefully that will give me some closure.

PippoRossi

myluckyday

Jules714

I'm sorry to hear your furbaby passed. I lost (another) one of mine 1.5 years ago. Still miss him. I'm also very sorry to hear about the situation with your husband. Dementia is brutal to deal with. I was a caretaker of one such mean individual. Not for faint of heart. Is there despite care offered? Hope so.
REALLY hope you don't give into that poison. You're doing great!!
Big hug,
J