New here...my story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 7
New here...my story
Hi, I know many of you have heard this story before, but this is mine as well. For a long time I didnt think I had a problem, but as they say "you never know you have a problem until you hit rock bottom". Rock bottom for me was this past weekend.
I took the time to read others posts about binge drinking and if it is considered alcoholism and for the longest time (even while my wife for years tried to explaining this to me) I never correlated the two together because I justified it by saying I was not dependent on it. I dont like to drink by myself (in fact I hate it) and could go on long periods without it. (Here I am justifying it again - realizing this is a common theme with binge drinkers). I could go months and never have a problem, go on camping trips have a few here and there, enjoy time with family and friends, bday parties, house parties you name it. I can grab a couple of beers and and call it a day....but there will be those days, those one or two days in a year where I will be out with my friends (especially on a boys trip) where I throw caution to the wind and as someone put it here on a similar post (start drinking and point my direction towards oblivion). When I get on those benders, I cant stop and the drinks dont come fast enough. I start buying people drinks and egg people to drink more...this is where most people stop but this is where my cognitive ability to reason shuts down. It becomes about having more, not about having fun. Then I black out. Apparently I have anger issues about this time because this is where I try to start fights with others. I am the guy who is being carried by his friends after getting kicked out of the bar because I cant contain myself because im obliterated. I yell, I say stupid **** and most of the time im lucky to make it home.
Last night I didnt make it home. I got arrested and got thrown in jail in a city 100 miles away from home. I remember pregaming at our cabin, then ubering to our favorite bar when in town. I remember the drinks kept coming in doubles, then the shots...this was when there was light out...the next thing I remember it was dark, and my friend yelling at me while I had some officers knee on my back while being on the floor handcuffed, then...I remember waking up in cell. This is some scary ****. Not the jail part, not even getting arrested...but to not remember what the hell you did for those 6 hours and waiting after being held for 16 hours while you tried to put together the pieces, to hear from your friends of how belligerent you acted and how they could no longer control you....is downright embarrassing (I cant even begin to say how crappy I feel). In those 6 hours, anything could have happened. I could have hurt myself or worst, hurt others...this is not who I am. This is the person I hate to observe when others act like this in public...but I am THAT guy!!! WTF.
This person, also has a wife and two kids he adores. Nothing is more important to him than his family and he can no longer be that person. I need to be a better example. This person btw is 40yrs old and the frat house drinking days have to end. One day out of the year of this is one day too many. This person is me.
As I sat in jail, it forced me to remember how many times this has happened in the past and I just kept hearing my wife's voice in my head about the seriousness of my binge drinking. I need it to stop and so today im admitting I have a problem. I wish I could say like every time in the past that I can learn to control it...maybe have some tools to remind me to think about how im feeling and if enough is enough but after reading others posts, this is something everyone wishes they had as well but this is why it is called alcoholism, its a problem and even though the 90% of the time I can control it is nice, I think I only have one choice and it is to stop.
Im searching for meetings to attend and possibly counseling. I want to know more about my problem and if there is anything I can do to change but Im guessing there will be none and so be it. Im going to do this for my family and myself and I thank you for having resources that I can read to help me understand that I do have a problem and how others are coping with it. I really appreciate being able to tell my story and get it off my chest.
Thanks for listening.
I took the time to read others posts about binge drinking and if it is considered alcoholism and for the longest time (even while my wife for years tried to explaining this to me) I never correlated the two together because I justified it by saying I was not dependent on it. I dont like to drink by myself (in fact I hate it) and could go on long periods without it. (Here I am justifying it again - realizing this is a common theme with binge drinkers). I could go months and never have a problem, go on camping trips have a few here and there, enjoy time with family and friends, bday parties, house parties you name it. I can grab a couple of beers and and call it a day....but there will be those days, those one or two days in a year where I will be out with my friends (especially on a boys trip) where I throw caution to the wind and as someone put it here on a similar post (start drinking and point my direction towards oblivion). When I get on those benders, I cant stop and the drinks dont come fast enough. I start buying people drinks and egg people to drink more...this is where most people stop but this is where my cognitive ability to reason shuts down. It becomes about having more, not about having fun. Then I black out. Apparently I have anger issues about this time because this is where I try to start fights with others. I am the guy who is being carried by his friends after getting kicked out of the bar because I cant contain myself because im obliterated. I yell, I say stupid **** and most of the time im lucky to make it home.
Last night I didnt make it home. I got arrested and got thrown in jail in a city 100 miles away from home. I remember pregaming at our cabin, then ubering to our favorite bar when in town. I remember the drinks kept coming in doubles, then the shots...this was when there was light out...the next thing I remember it was dark, and my friend yelling at me while I had some officers knee on my back while being on the floor handcuffed, then...I remember waking up in cell. This is some scary ****. Not the jail part, not even getting arrested...but to not remember what the hell you did for those 6 hours and waiting after being held for 16 hours while you tried to put together the pieces, to hear from your friends of how belligerent you acted and how they could no longer control you....is downright embarrassing (I cant even begin to say how crappy I feel). In those 6 hours, anything could have happened. I could have hurt myself or worst, hurt others...this is not who I am. This is the person I hate to observe when others act like this in public...but I am THAT guy!!! WTF.
This person, also has a wife and two kids he adores. Nothing is more important to him than his family and he can no longer be that person. I need to be a better example. This person btw is 40yrs old and the frat house drinking days have to end. One day out of the year of this is one day too many. This person is me.
As I sat in jail, it forced me to remember how many times this has happened in the past and I just kept hearing my wife's voice in my head about the seriousness of my binge drinking. I need it to stop and so today im admitting I have a problem. I wish I could say like every time in the past that I can learn to control it...maybe have some tools to remind me to think about how im feeling and if enough is enough but after reading others posts, this is something everyone wishes they had as well but this is why it is called alcoholism, its a problem and even though the 90% of the time I can control it is nice, I think I only have one choice and it is to stop.
Im searching for meetings to attend and possibly counseling. I want to know more about my problem and if there is anything I can do to change but Im guessing there will be none and so be it. Im going to do this for my family and myself and I thank you for having resources that I can read to help me understand that I do have a problem and how others are coping with it. I really appreciate being able to tell my story and get it off my chest.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: London
Posts: 2,040
Hi projek7r,
Welcome to SR and thank you for sharing your story 💜 as you've already gathered from reading around there is a lot of support you can utilise here. I look forward to 'seeing' you around SR. I wish you well on your recovery journey x
Welcome to SR and thank you for sharing your story 💜 as you've already gathered from reading around there is a lot of support you can utilise here. I look forward to 'seeing' you around SR. I wish you well on your recovery journey x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I think, my opinion, that binge drinking can be more dangerous than daily drinking(not that either is safe by any means!). When I binge I get out of hand 75% of the time nowadays(Dui,fights,ect). My ex is a binge drinker and can go days/months,ect..without a drink BUT, when she does drink,which has become an almost daily habit in the past months,she binges and gets sloppy/out of control every time(also drives drunk)! It's progressive and you might 'think' a binge once/twice a year is 'ok' but, those occasions can ruin your life! I'm glad your friends were there to try to control you and I know about waking up in jail trying to piece what exactly happened together...That sucks!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 7
Thank you for responding, yes having time to sit in there and think was very sobering (literally and figuratively). I shudder at the thought everytime I replay it in my head of how I was acting, feel even worse now as a father.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 39
I have the same problem with binge drinking as you. I don't drink daily but come the weekend and I'm ready to get my drink on! I have humiliated and embarrassed myself more times than I can count. I finally got disgusted with myself and decided to make a change. Today is 22 days sober for me. I read "Allen Carr's Easy way to stop drinking" which I found very helpful, you might want to check it out. I just made the decision that I cannot drink because when I do I lose the ability to know when to stop. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters and that was not the person I wanted to be. I have caused myself so much shame and disappointment with with my behavior when drinking. I'm so happy I made a change and I'm learning to enjoy my life sober. It's such a great feeling to take control over your drinking. There is so much support for you here. I read posts daily and get a lot of strength from the stories people share. You have people here who understand your situation and are here to keep you strong and accountable. Best of luck to you.... you can do this!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
Welcome, thanks for the brave share. Join some of the newcomer's threads. You now have a crap experience- and you still have your family. Stay sober for yourself first- otherwise you will lose them, if you are anything like me.
Support to you.
Support to you.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Thank you for posting.
Occasionally, now I have a few months of sobriety under my belt, I think, "maybe one or two drinks will be ok". Reading posts like yours is a great reminder that one or two drinks is never ok.
I'm sorry for your experience but that experience may turn out to be the turning point in your life. I was a binge drinker too and I found posting here on friday/Saturday nights when I would have been binge drinking, really helped me. It helped me break the habits of binge drinking, that moment when all I wanted to do was get to oblivion as fast as possible.
Well done for sharing your story and thanks again. You sound like you've really had enough. That's a great place to start from. Stay close to SR. You'll get loads of advice and support here.
Occasionally, now I have a few months of sobriety under my belt, I think, "maybe one or two drinks will be ok". Reading posts like yours is a great reminder that one or two drinks is never ok.
I'm sorry for your experience but that experience may turn out to be the turning point in your life. I was a binge drinker too and I found posting here on friday/Saturday nights when I would have been binge drinking, really helped me. It helped me break the habits of binge drinking, that moment when all I wanted to do was get to oblivion as fast as possible.
Well done for sharing your story and thanks again. You sound like you've really had enough. That's a great place to start from. Stay close to SR. You'll get loads of advice and support here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Kampala, Uganda
Posts: 327
Welcome, projek7r, and thanks for sharing and congratulations on beginning this journey. Indeed, alcohol is a terrible thing that has led to so much heartache for both the alcoholic and their loved ones. With quitting comes sanity and peace of mind. I wish you all the best and look forward to more positive posts from you.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
Welcome to SR!
I really appreciate being able to tell my story and get it off my chest.
One of the things I learned when I finally gave up and attended some AA meetings is that, when I open up and share my problems, they are immediately cut in half.
It's also easier to share at AA meetings because the people there will understand, in ways that a non alcoholic can't fathom. And hearing other's share helps me to understand and learn how to stay sober.
I really appreciate being able to tell my story and get it off my chest.
One of the things I learned when I finally gave up and attended some AA meetings is that, when I open up and share my problems, they are immediately cut in half.
It's also easier to share at AA meetings because the people there will understand, in ways that a non alcoholic can't fathom. And hearing other's share helps me to understand and learn how to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Welcome to SR.
Many of us have been in your shoes. I do understand completely. You now have the chance to turn this around. You never have to feel the way that you are feeling again. With each passing day, you can make a difference in your life and the life of your family. Join the newcomers thread or the month of June. Post often and read. You can get back on track and be better off for it.
Many of us have been in your shoes. I do understand completely. You now have the chance to turn this around. You never have to feel the way that you are feeling again. With each passing day, you can make a difference in your life and the life of your family. Join the newcomers thread or the month of June. Post often and read. You can get back on track and be better off for it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 7
Wow, thank you all for your support. I really appreciate coming in here to see all these responses, I will continue to come back and offer my own support to others as well. To hear others with similar stories and struggles truly makes me feel like im not alone!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Welcome! You're among friends.
I truly believe that for some of us, we have biochemistry that's wired in such a way that we can't handle alcohol. Someday I suspect they'll find that we lack or have low quantities of an enzyme or hormone that helps process alcohol.
Bottom line: we can't process it and it puts us in danger. Put yellow danger tape around it mentally and stay away.
You'll find wonderful info and support here.
I truly believe that for some of us, we have biochemistry that's wired in such a way that we can't handle alcohol. Someday I suspect they'll find that we lack or have low quantities of an enzyme or hormone that helps process alcohol.
Bottom line: we can't process it and it puts us in danger. Put yellow danger tape around it mentally and stay away.
You'll find wonderful info and support here.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
To hear others with similar stories and struggles truly makes me feel like im not alone!
That's what I discovered in AA, there are a whole bunch of us. And we come from all walks of life. The doctor who treated me when I needed some medical assistance told me he was in AA, and encouraged me to go. The men's group I go to has a doctor, a few lawyers, a judge, a couple of college professors and a millionaire who owns about 12 car dealerships. But we've all been humbled by alcohol.
Going to AA opened my eyes and killed some of the stereotypes I had.
That's what I discovered in AA, there are a whole bunch of us. And we come from all walks of life. The doctor who treated me when I needed some medical assistance told me he was in AA, and encouraged me to go. The men's group I go to has a doctor, a few lawyers, a judge, a couple of college professors and a millionaire who owns about 12 car dealerships. But we've all been humbled by alcohol.
Going to AA opened my eyes and killed some of the stereotypes I had.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Welcome aboard. I've been there. Coming out of a blackout and finding yourself handcuffs and not remembering how you got there is not fun. The best way to ensure we never have to worry about that happening again is to never take that first drink again. If you keep at it, I and others can assure you it only likely gets worse. What you think is rock bottom now could be surpassed. You are in the right place, you can beat the addiction and live a sober life.
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