Loving a recovering addct

Old 06-24-2017, 09:12 AM
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Loving a recovering addct

Hey there. I'll get straight to the point. I am in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic. He lost his wife and children because of this disease. I was already in love by the time I knew this information. He has been sober almost 2 years. He will not attend meetings because he thinks he has beaten this disease. However his mood is changing. He calls himself a piece of **** constantly; blames me for things i didn't do; causes arguments when there is no merit to them. He feels sorry for himself quite often. I need him to go to meetings but don't want it to sound like an ultimatum. Please help.
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Old 06-24-2017, 09:40 AM
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Sorry for what brings you here. Ut might be useful to post this question in the Friends and Family area as well.

Thing is though, we can't force anyone to change. For their own sake or our own. Have you attended any AlAnon meetings for yourself? It might be an idea. They could help you move forward with boundary setting.

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Old 06-24-2017, 09:47 AM
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In recovery, giving up the drug of choice is only the first step.

I wish we could give you some magic words to get someone to do something they aren't ready or willing to do, but those don't exist. The only thing you can do here is take care of yourself.
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Old 06-24-2017, 10:26 AM
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when someone is behaving badly, and taking it out on us, we have choices that do not include making THEM do anything.
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Old 06-24-2017, 10:37 AM
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Hi, prayingfor. Welcome to SR. Very sorry for your situation.
A wise person on this site once said, "Addicts can become sober, but that doesn't automatically make them good relationship material."
Take care of yourself.
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Old 06-24-2017, 10:56 AM
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Welcome, and do take care of yourself.
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Old 06-24-2017, 01:03 PM
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tekink's Avatar
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The longer a relationship goes on the more and more you see who the person is as they work to impress you less and less. Is the behavor you see the result of alcohol withdrawal or simply the real person starting to shine through the cracks?

two years is a long time, giving up alcohol can make people moody. maybe a random ghost of PAWS that may pass or maybe something else. None of us can know.

Honestly if the person hasn't been drinking I'm not sure why a meeting would be better than some kind of actual relationship consoleing for both parties.
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Old 06-24-2017, 02:02 PM
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Welcome to the Forum!!
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Old 06-24-2017, 02:17 PM
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I was just reading about this pitfall of recovery today: believing there is a finish line. We tend to want to hurry up and get there, get six months, get a year, get two years, once we get there we can relax because we have beat it.

It's not something you beat. Recovery is ongoing, we have to do maintenance or we revert and eventually relapse. He is acting exactly the way others do when they stop working on their recovery and are headed for a relapse.

He believes he has recovered and he hasn't. He has stopped. You are NOT dating a recovering alcoholic, because he's no longer recovering, dear!
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