parting words
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
ive beennreadin a lot of this which theres a solution for IF a solution is wanted
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.
What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?
Our actor is self-centered - ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia
if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power.
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.
What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?
Our actor is self-centered - ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia
if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
It seems to me like you are lonely and need someone to talk to. You keep posting even though you say you are done and you are quite argumentative. We do what we do here. You dont like it. What is the point in your continual posts? Its all a little strange. Enough of my blabbering.
I like it here. Its been a godsend in my life. I appreciate all the stories good and bad. Im an alcoholic and need the support and to never forget what I was doing. So, I make SR a priority. It has become a positive. It doesnt have to work for you.
Once again, I think (and it doesnt matter what I think) that you are lonely.
Do you have Face to face support or someone whom you relate to that will suit you better?
I like it here. Its been a godsend in my life. I appreciate all the stories good and bad. Im an alcoholic and need the support and to never forget what I was doing. So, I make SR a priority. It has become a positive. It doesnt have to work for you.
Once again, I think (and it doesnt matter what I think) that you are lonely.
Do you have Face to face support or someone whom you relate to that will suit you better?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
For what it's worth, I don't identify as an alcoholic.
I identify as a human being.
It just so happens that I don't consume alcohol. And if I were to consume alcohol (assuming I wasn't on Antabuse), it would be a long binge with nasty consequences.
I don't really make it a habit of drinking bleach either. Just not my forte.
Take care of yourself.
I identify as a human being.
It just so happens that I don't consume alcohol. And if I were to consume alcohol (assuming I wasn't on Antabuse), it would be a long binge with nasty consequences.
I don't really make it a habit of drinking bleach either. Just not my forte.
Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 74
Dear CK, you have clearly suffered and are suffering so much. I have also noticed that you keep pushing us away and yet you stay. To me that is a person in pain, crying out for attention and understanding like a child (I am not calling g you a child, I promise), screaming at its parent when it really wants to be enveloped in hugs and soothed.
I grieve for your losses and understand your pain. If you don't wish to stay, we all understand, but I hope you can understand that you have found a place where you don't need to try to push us away to see if we will really be here for you. We are all here for each other and you have a lot of caring people ready to support you. I hope you find the peace you seek, there is a lot of support here for you if you are willing to open yourself up to it.
I grieve for your losses and understand your pain. If you don't wish to stay, we all understand, but I hope you can understand that you have found a place where you don't need to try to push us away to see if we will really be here for you. We are all here for each other and you have a lot of caring people ready to support you. I hope you find the peace you seek, there is a lot of support here for you if you are willing to open yourself up to it.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 46
My older brother was very aggressive and combative...when my dad was first diagnosed as terminal. .he called me and told me it was my job to take care of it..that he was much more important than me and it was my responsibility. I didn't need him to tell me that...a week after my dad died my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer...good lord...my brother said how unfair of a burden this was on his social life and moved to another country...where he just barked orders at me non stop... I have issues ...I get it...none of you are therapists , just ordinary people who by what ever chance became addicted to alcohol... I need a therpist... not this
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
