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Trying to quit for the - I don't know how many times now

Old 06-22-2017, 07:31 AM
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Trying to quit for the - I don't know how many times now

Hi everyone,

New here and am trying to quit. I've tried several times in the past and the most I've ever quit was for about 4 months. Every morning it's the same where I tell myself its time to quit and then by the end of the day I'm at the store buying a case.

I'm tired of all this though and I'm getting older. I'm always tired and depressed whenever I'm not drinking and it feels like the only time I ever have any fun or happiness is when I am actually drinking. However, I hate the toll it's taking on my body and the amount of debt I'm putting myself in for spending on this expensive habit.

So here I am, an alcoholic wanting to quit. Nice to meet all of you!
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Old 06-22-2017, 07:36 AM
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Welcome to the family! You'll find lots of support here.
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Old 06-22-2017, 08:12 AM
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Welcome, Velocity!

Nice to meet you.

Support was key for me. You'll find that here.
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Old 06-22-2017, 08:18 AM
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Welcome, Velocity

There is a ton of information, support and hard earned wisdom on SR. Read around, you will find a lot of food for thought!

Keep posting!
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Old 06-22-2017, 08:20 AM
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Hello and welcome.
I tried to quit many, many times before I was actually able to.
I mean, I tried for years. The fourth day sober was it for me, felt better, hangover gone and 'hey' I can drink again. Copious amounts, too. I am a drunk and I drank to get drunk.
Even with solemn vows, reading books on alcoholism and sheer willpower I went back to drinking and this went on for years.

It got to the point where I didn't feel good drinking and didn't feel good not drinking. I was dependent on alcohol. I had to drink.
The hangovers got worse. Fear, anxiety and remorse filled my day but still I drank.

It's been over six years now since I had a drink and at the end, I was a bad drunk drinking every waking hour. I lived like that for ten years.
You'll find lots of support here, and it is possible to quit and feel good again.
There is fun and a sober fulfilling life out there after quitting drinking.
The fun I once had drinking turned into a nightmare.

I wish you the best and it's great to have you here. You'll find lots of support here.
Best to you.
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Old 06-22-2017, 08:22 AM
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Welcome, Velocity!

This place will give you a lot of information and support if you're ready to stop drinking.

I told myself I was done with drinking so many times, but nothing happened until I took some action. For me that meant finding a recovery program and people to help me because willpower alone never worked for me.
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Old 06-22-2017, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Ghostlight1 View Post
It got to the point where I didn't feel good drinking and didn't feel good not drinking. I was dependent on alcohol. I had to drink.
The hangovers got worse. Fear, anxiety and remorse filled my day but still I drank.
This

It got to the point where I was drinking on utility just because it was a bit better than not drinking. Also I wanted to shut my thoughts off because I would lay in bed wide awake with my thoughts and anxiety so I'd drink to basically fall asleep fast.

It never failed, I would plan on quitting but not really do anything about it, then sure enough I'd wake up feeling like death as my alarm would go off for work. Remorse would creep over me as I counted how much I drank the night before and struggled to remember what happened. I'd be getting ready for the day telling myself its time to quit I NEED TO QUIT but by the end of the day I'd be reaching for it yet again.

I'm tired of life just passing me by and I'm tired of this chain I have and that's how it feels like a chain that yanks me back everytime I try and run away from it. Well enoughs enough.

Thank you all for the replies, I'm glad to not be alone here
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Old 06-22-2017, 09:12 AM
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I'm likely to get kicked off here for my advice but find a holistic doctor...Google all you can to repair your brain so you can function again without an addiction..
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Old 06-22-2017, 09:17 AM
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I don't like the approach this site has...please look at your problem as a medical one...and take steps to get your brain healthy and functioning so you can help your self
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Old 06-22-2017, 09:41 AM
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In the past I googled all I could to figure out what was wrong with my brain. My very first attempt at quitting I was at the doctors office all the time trying to fix my alcoholism medically. My problem was that I was relying solely on my doctor to fix it for me. Don't get me wrong though I think that going to a doctor when you are trying to quit is absolutely necessary. I'm not a doctor nor have I gone to school for it as long as they have. I tried every supplement under the sun and went through several therapists and have tried different pharmaceuticals as well. They might've helped or not but what helped the most was just staying sober every day and slowly allowing my body to heal.

My issue was and is, that when I started to feel good I created this delusion that my alcoholism was "cured" and that I could run back to the drink just fine and in moderation perhaps. Boy was I wrong every time.
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Old 06-22-2017, 10:09 AM
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Boy was I wrong every time.


Welcome aboard , I could have written a lot of what you said in your posts verbatim. The best news I figured out is I only had to be right once
Decide to quit for good, no more drinking , no matter what, drinking is no longer an option on the table, no matter what and don't change your mind , you can do it , rootin for ya
wish you well and hope to see you around
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Old 06-22-2017, 10:44 AM
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Good point, being right once.

Some of my downfall which I am realizing is that I always thought that sometime in the future I could go back to it. I never really gave myself the chance to NEVER have it again and infact that terrified the hell outta me and still does. One thing that perplexes me is that I have known for years that I'm an alcoholic and never denied it, yet I still thought that somehow I could control the drink when in fact its controlling me so much so that I feel very uncomfortable thinking about my future without it. I simply just went with the fact that I will always drink and still believed the lie that it'll fix itself and I can always quit in the future. Problem is, the future always becomes NOW and NOW was never when I wanted to quit.

I still feel nervous about it all but I really really WANT to quit and definitely need to so here I am.

Thanks for the encouragement.
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Old 06-22-2017, 11:38 AM
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"Problem is, the future always becomes NOW and NOW was never when I wanted to quit. "

yesterdays history
tomorrows a mystery
today is a gift
thats why its called the present.

i used to spend quite a bit of time with one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow and pee all over today.

"I still feel nervous about it all..."
could that be a little fear- fear of the unknown? fear of what life without alcohol will be like?
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Old 06-22-2017, 11:49 AM
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I can relate to having my motives and my thinking wrapped around everywhere but the present. In the past I've learned that you have to live for today because the past is the past future is unknown etc. basically the quote mentioned.

Problem I have that I am trying to recognize at least, is that living in the present means I'm drinking without a care for tomorrow or yesterday, whenever i drink it's like as if I don't want time to exist and I don't care that it does either. It's a toxic way of thinking I'm sure but how do I get to the point where I do care and CAN be present at the same time. So much of my will to get sober is constantly thinking about being sober for the rest of my life and enjoying sobriety so its hard to put my mind in the present. I had no problem keeping my present mind while drinking because to me, the future didn't exist because I was "stuck in time" every night with a drink in my hand. The past was just another hangover and the future was basically thinking about the next drink.

The nervousness I am expressing here isn't so much life without alcohol, I think I might have that anyway, but rather just feeling like I'm taking on a huge and daunting task keeping away from the very heavy chain that is my alcoholism. The huge burden and influence it has had on my life for years, and I'm just gonna up and quit no problem one day? Yeah right...
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Old 06-22-2017, 12:25 PM
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"It's a toxic way of thinking I'm sure but how do I get to the point where I do care and CAN be present at the same time."

welp, seems that stopping drinking and gettin into action with one of the recovery programs available may help.
Velocity, imo you are waaaaaayyyyyy overthinking everything.
its simple:
you either WANT to stop drinking or you dont.
do you WANT to stop drinking? do you want to be sober more than you want to drink?

heres the problem:

" I would plan on quitting but not really do anything about it."

theres a solution for that,too

i started drinking at 13. i got sober at 36. at one time alcohol was my master- i did whatever it wanted me to. i listened to it telling me nothing matters. i listened to it telling me not drinking sucks.
i realized it was a liar. i stopped listening to it and found a new master.
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Old 06-22-2017, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Velocity View Post
Hi everyone,

I've tried several times in the past and the most I've ever quit was for about 4 months. Every morning it's the same where I tell myself its time to quit and then by the end of the day I'm at the store buying a case.

I'm tired of all this though and I'm getting older. I'm always tired and depressed whenever I'm not drinking and it feels like the only time I ever have any fun or happiness is when I am actually drinking. However, I hate the toll it's taking on my body and the amount of debt I'm putting myself in for spending on this expensive habit.

So here I am, an alcoholic wanting to quit. Nice to meet all of you!
I felt the exact same way you do Velocity when I stopped drinking (4months ago today). Just getting through the day had become a chore for me. I'd lost all interest in what used to make me feel happy and I wanted to re-start my life.

Changing my life and coming to grips with the fact that I no longer have control over alcohol wasn't easy, but with each day that passes, I'm learning how to enjoy my life, feel happy and productive, without having alcohol in it. No more depression, anxiety, panic attacks and feeling lethargic. I look forward to waking up every morning to start my day.

Stick around, read what is working for others, develop a solid recovery plan and once you begin to reap the rewards, you won't regret the decision you've made.

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Old 06-22-2017, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Velocity View Post
I can relate to having my motives and my thinking wrapped around everywhere but the present. In the past I've learned that you have to live for today because the past is the past future is unknown etc. basically the quote mentioned.

Problem I have that I am trying to recognize at least, is that living in the present means I'm drinking without a care for tomorrow or yesterday, whenever i drink it's like as if I don't want time to exist and I don't care that it does either. It's a toxic way of thinking I'm sure but how do I get to the point where I do care and CAN be present at the same time. So much of my will to get sober is constantly thinking about being sober for the rest of my life and enjoying sobriety so its hard to put my mind in the present. I had no problem keeping my present mind while drinking because to me, the future didn't exist because I was "stuck in time" every night with a drink in my hand. The past was just another hangover and the future was basically thinking about the next drink.

The nervousness I am expressing here isn't so much life without alcohol, I think I might have that anyway, but rather just feeling like I'm taking on a huge and daunting task keeping away from the very heavy chain that is my alcoholism. The huge burden and influence it has had on my life for years, and I'm just gonna up and quit no problem one day? Yeah right...
Ok now it's getting weird, quit writing my posts , seriously 'yeah, and right' drop that burden full stop, in one day , you can do it, the thing holding you back emphasizing the dauntingness is th addicition itself seeing ITs own end, IT is trying to trick you , like it did in the past , to not believe you can do it, but you can , rootin for ya!
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Old 06-22-2017, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
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Velocity, imo you are waaaaaayyyyyy overthinking everything.
That is an understatement if you have ever met me haha.

You are not wrong though I tend to overthink it to the point that I really just don't have a solution so therefore I end up running back to the drink because that's pretty much the only solution I've ever known.

As far as a plan or program goes, at this moment its basically to NOT drink and log onto here as much as possible that alone gives me some type of accountability. I might try looking into AA in my area though I think the one I saw conducts meetings once or twice a month so I probably can't do the 90 in 90 like others have done. I also really like mountain biking and have of course have been set back due to my alcoholism so I know now i'll be doing that even more.

Mostly I'm glad I found a place like this with plenty of others going through the same thing as me.
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Old 06-22-2017, 02:05 PM
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good on ya for seeing some of the problems!
iffen ya want to look into AA, howz about checkin out the big book of AA? give it a read,see iffen ya relate to any of it, and iffen it sound slike a good way of living for ya?
meetings are good, but its working the program and putting the principles into action in our lives that help us recover from alcoholism and have a good life.
the first 164 pages are the program( still amazes me that a book published 28 years before i was born describes me real good) and after that are personal stories.
Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous
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Old 06-22-2017, 06:06 PM
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Welcome!
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