Bongofish1

Hi

I'm a 31 year old man. I live in the U.K. And today was the first time I've rang my doctors to say I need help with my alcohol intake (with a lot of help from family).

I'm going to try and make my story as short as possible for you. I got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder about 8 years ago and at that time it was really bad, I wouldn't even leave the house and had to quit work and live with my brother for a period of time.

I did not drink anything in this time as I was so scared to what had happened to me I thought I must be during. One day 3 months after not leaving the house 2 friends came over to see me and they brought some beers. They didn't really force me to drink them but encouraged me too, after 2 beers I found myself contenplating going to a bar with them (bare in mind i Darby even go on my doorstep at this time). One more drink and I was in one of my mates cars on the way to the bar....still nervous but in a lot less anxious stage. Long story short 6 more beers later I was walking the streets with a group of people and talking and laughing again and felt 90% normal and looked normal. Ever since then I have used alcohol and mostly on a daily basis. Sometimes if my anaxietysbbad and I'm not at work I have started drinking as early as 7am and other days I can literally have 2 beers and not feel in the mood ( these days are rare and when my anxiety is lower)

On the days when I drink less I don't crave the alcohol (I even stopped drinking for 2 weeks straight 4 months ago just to prove it and their was abit of sleepless nights to start with but nothing I would say was close to proper withdrawal)

I feel alcohol has gave me the life I've had. I went from not daring to go out and feeling like I was a freak, to haveing motorbikes, working hard, being very popular with friends and the lady's. But now I'm 31 and have a 2 year old daughter it's getting out of control again. Stresses of home life and work life. My average daily consumption is probably equivalent of 2 bottles of wine after i finish work and after a fully 72 hours binge this weekend and completely not acting like the person I know I am I want this to stop.

I guess what I can't ever figure out is do I crave alcohol or do I use it as a medication for anxiety. Alcohol is the only thing that calms it and it can get really bad. I also know alcohol causes it too so it's a vicious circle.

I'd love to hear from people with this experience as for the last 2byears I've felt like I'm not even a person anymore I'm just this dark personality that alcohol can produce sometimes (luckily 90% I'm actually quite a happy drunk)

So anyone with any experience of alcohol being used to medicate anxiety? I would love to hear

Thank you if you've read all this.

VigilanceNow

Hi Bongo! I have absolutely used alcohol to calm anxiety, but as you know, alcohol causes much worse anxiety once your BAC starts going down. Believe me, I never knew how true this was until I had a panic attack and thought I was dying.. terrifying.

It's good that you called your doctor, perhaps they can prescribe you some meds or other alternatives to help control your anxiety without the use of toxic alcohol. You're treading on thin ice. Drinking at 7 am, even if it's only occasionally, is a very significant red flag. Once that becomes normal, it becomes normal to drink at any time of day and then there's nowhere and no time you wouldnt drink, see what I mean? It's progressive. It only gets worse unless you got help and work a program that advocates total abstinence.

Don't wait until you have an attack and have to call an ambulance (like I did, ugh) for horrible confusion and shaking. You'll find a way to deal with things without alcohol! It is possible!!

Maudcat

Go to the doctor, be honest about how much you consume and why.
There are some decent anti anxiety meds out there that may help.
You certainly aren't the first person to mask anxiety with alcohol.
In the end, though, it isn't a good long term solution.
Good luck.

Bongofish1

Thanks for the replys. The thing is if I didn't work I could guarantee I would be drinking at latest 11am on a day. That's what I do every weekend and then tell people 'yeh well the pubs are open at this time so why can't I have a drink at home' like it's ok. When I drink sometimes I turn into a person I never imagined I could be. It goes beyond just 2 glasses of wine to calm my anxiety. Once then 2 glasses are inside me it turns into 2 bottles every night. I drink the first within about 1 hour and then keep myself topped up with the 2nd for about 3 hours. I just can't work out what I need to be asking the doctor for anxiety meds like diazepam (that's what I've had plenty of times before but can't drink on them) or actually something for my alcohol intake like the the Sinclair treatment tablet. I'm also worried about how much damage this kind of drinking can do over a period of 8 years.

I've had so many panic attacks I thought I was going to die on and that have scared me so much it just seems so easy to drink alcohol. Especially when it's available EVERYWHERE in 100 different flavours and types!

VigilanceNow

All these things can be addressed by your doctor. They'll order some tests that will tell you exactly what you need to do to get back on track. It's likely you also have a vitamin deficiency (common in alcoholics as alcohol interferes with absorption and digestion), and lack of vitamins can give you anxiety, mood swings, and a host of other unpleasant side effects.

I had never gotten a panic attack prior to my alcohol-induced one, and it came after 2 days of not drinking. Scary stuff, alcohol dependency. Just tell the doctor everything you just told us - they've seen this a million times before and will know how to start the process of getting you off the stuff.

But I remind you - I've seen many people say they would never drink before/after work, never -- then a few months later they've lost their jobs and all is shambles. Nip this in the bud before it gets worse - and believe me, it will get worse if it's not addressed! :-)

thomas11

Depending on alcohol to modify our behavior is a slippery slope (obviously). I don't think you are alone at all in your plight. But as you have figured out, to continue to go through life drunk is not the answer. I take a medication to alleviate my anxiety and it was life changing. I hope you are able to find relief. Wish you the best.

Dee74

Hi Bongofish

I used to self medicate for anxiety too - trouble was I become so dependent on alcohol that I'd get more and more anxious when I was sober.

There's a a lot of things I found useful for controlling anxiety - exercise is one, deep breathing exercises, I had some counselling...

I also think learning to love who we are is a major factor. I have friends who love me no matter what and I can relax and totally be myself in their company.

Thats a precious thing

D