Social anxiety and sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 147
Social anxiety and sobriety
I'm newly sober and wonder how you go about making sober friends. I am an introvert and often experience social anxiety. It takes me awhile to trust people. Alcohol used to help with the anxiety, but after prolonged use it started to isolate me even more.
Just wondering if anyone else has these challenges with socializing and how they handle it while being sober.
Just wondering if anyone else has these challenges with socializing and how they handle it while being sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
I had to accept I was an introvert.
I spent 20 years drinking trying to be an extrovert.
It's much better for me to accept myself for who I am.
I thought I'd have no social life sober at all, but the opposite is true. When you're comfortable with yourself, you tend to be the type of person other people want to be around
D
I spent 20 years drinking trying to be an extrovert.
It's much better for me to accept myself for who I am.
I thought I'd have no social life sober at all, but the opposite is true. When you're comfortable with yourself, you tend to be the type of person other people want to be around
D
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Giraffegirl2013 
I'm newly sober and wonder how you go about making sober friends. I am an introvert and often experience social anxiety. It takes me awhile to trust people. Alcohol used to help with the anxiety, but after prolonged use it started to isolate me even more.
Just wondering if anyone else has these challenges with socializing and how they handle it while being sober.
Just wondering if anyone else has these challenges with socializing and how they handle it while being sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Dee74
I had to accept I was an introvert.
I spent 20 years drinking trying to be an extrovert.
It's much better for me to accept myself for who I am.
I thought I'd have no social life sober at all, but the opposite is true. When you're comfortable with yourself, you tend to be the type of person other people want to be around
D
I spent 20 years drinking trying to be an extrovert.
It's much better for me to accept myself for who I am.
I thought I'd have no social life sober at all, but the opposite is true. When you're comfortable with yourself, you tend to be the type of person other people want to be around
D
Good advice!
Good one!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Exactly what Dee said.
I thought I was a party animal. I really did. A social butterfly who was always in the thick of the party.
Then, I really got sober and found how untrue that is. I am an introvert. I love my home projects and the peace and quiet of being by myself.
When I do hang out with people they are interested in the same things I am and not just what comes out of a container. The conversation is real and we are genuinely interested in hearing what each other has to say.
Giraffegirl, do you attend any recovery groups? Have you checked Meetup.org for sober fun groups in your area? I know we have one around here. Do you like to read? Maybe you could find a good sober book club, or, start one yourself?
I thought I was a party animal. I really did. A social butterfly who was always in the thick of the party.
Then, I really got sober and found how untrue that is. I am an introvert. I love my home projects and the peace and quiet of being by myself.
When I do hang out with people they are interested in the same things I am and not just what comes out of a container. The conversation is real and we are genuinely interested in hearing what each other has to say.
Giraffegirl, do you attend any recovery groups? Have you checked Meetup.org for sober fun groups in your area? I know we have one around here. Do you like to read? Maybe you could find a good sober book club, or, start one yourself?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
As a newcomer to recovery, my awesome
sponsor introduced me to all the folks she
became friends with at meetings. She
introduced me to service work by inviting
me to work in the hospitality room at
conventions.
This opened the door for me to go
home and bake and bring my goodies
to many of my meetings for folks to
enjoy with their coffee.
It was pretty awesome to see from
a distance folks seeing me arrive at
my meetings, standing at the door
ready to hold it open for the "cake
lady" a name they gave me.
That became a humbling experience
for me to help overcome my awkward
shyness and anxiety. To allow others
to see me being responsible and sober
at each meeting.
My sponsor led me by example and
I followed because I wanted a life in
recovery similar to hers and others
and would do what I needed to do
for a long time till I wanted to do them.
Small steps as mentioned above is
a great start. There is no rush to get
it all in one day because recovery
and sobriety is an on going way of
building a strong solid foundation
to live upon one day at a time.
To achieve health happiness honesty.
sponsor introduced me to all the folks she
became friends with at meetings. She
introduced me to service work by inviting
me to work in the hospitality room at
conventions.
This opened the door for me to go
home and bake and bring my goodies
to many of my meetings for folks to
enjoy with their coffee.
It was pretty awesome to see from
a distance folks seeing me arrive at
my meetings, standing at the door
ready to hold it open for the "cake
lady" a name they gave me.
That became a humbling experience
for me to help overcome my awkward
shyness and anxiety. To allow others
to see me being responsible and sober
at each meeting.
My sponsor led me by example and
I followed because I wanted a life in
recovery similar to hers and others
and would do what I needed to do
for a long time till I wanted to do them.
Small steps as mentioned above is
a great start. There is no rush to get
it all in one day because recovery
and sobriety is an on going way of
building a strong solid foundation
to live upon one day at a time.
To achieve health happiness honesty.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Like anything you want to get better at - practice!
Do you have a trusted friend, sibling, mom who can help? Have them pretend to be a stranger and start conversations with them.
If no one is available, practice in the mirror.
Google "the art of conversation" and start reading. You'll find some great tips for things to say.
You can do this!
Do you have a trusted friend, sibling, mom who can help? Have them pretend to be a stranger and start conversations with them.
If no one is available, practice in the mirror.
Google "the art of conversation" and start reading. You'll find some great tips for things to say.
You can do this!
EnjoyingTheJourney
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,847
What Dee and LadyBlue said!
I spent over 30 years convincing myself I was the life of the party, only to find in sobriety and recovery that I'm an introvert. Alcohol falsely boosted my confidence and falsely calmed my anxiety. It also slowly wrecked my life. It hasn't been easy but I'm learning how to set boundaries, how to be the real me and how to be comfortable in my own skin.
You can do this too. Wishing you all the best Giraffegirl....
I spent over 30 years convincing myself I was the life of the party, only to find in sobriety and recovery that I'm an introvert. Alcohol falsely boosted my confidence and falsely calmed my anxiety. It also slowly wrecked my life. It hasn't been easy but I'm learning how to set boundaries, how to be the real me and how to be comfortable in my own skin.
You can do this too. Wishing you all the best Giraffegirl....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
For me I needed to find new hobbies/interests or rekindle old ones rather than bars or having a party for one on my sofa on my own with a bottle.
With common interests, naturally came new friends, the problem I found though was figuring out what I was interested in, but in time I relearnt who I was and what I enjoyed in life!
With common interests, naturally came new friends, the problem I found though was figuring out what I was interested in, but in time I relearnt who I was and what I enjoyed in life!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 147
That's exactly where I'm at. I feel like I'm getting to know myself again. I'm no longer numb and I have the energy and motivation to get out and do things. I'm just figuring out what those are. Thank you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Originally Posted by Dee74
I had to accept I was an introvert.
I spent 20 years drinking trying to be an extrovert.
It's much better for me to accept myself for who I am.
I spent 20 years drinking trying to be an extrovert.
It's much better for me to accept myself for who I am.
I found that getting involved in volunteer work was a great place to make friends.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston Ma
Posts: 980
Still working on this, my world was full of drinking so people respond a bit differently when there is a sober one in the group, especially me who just drank without question. I am 56 and not in search of new friends so renewed a lot of relationships and let some go based on mutual interests outside of drinking.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I don't really have social anxiety, tho I sometimes feel uncomfortable in a crowd of strangers. What I do, if I have to 'mingle', is to draw out the people I'm with by asking about their interests.
I read a quotation years ago that I've never forgotten.
"There are two kinds of people: those who come into a room and say ' Here I am!' and those who come into a room and say 'There you are!' "
I try to be the second kind.
I read a quotation years ago that I've never forgotten.
"There are two kinds of people: those who come into a room and say ' Here I am!' and those who come into a room and say 'There you are!' "
I try to be the second kind.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by least
I...
I read a quotation years ago that I've never forgotten.
"There are two kinds of people: those who come into a room and say ' Here I am!' and those who come into a room and say 'There you are!' "
I try to be the second kind.
I read a quotation years ago that I've never forgotten.
"There are two kinds of people: those who come into a room and say ' Here I am!' and those who come into a room and say 'There you are!' "
I try to be the second kind.
Used it with my neighbor tonight.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Anna
This was so important for me, too.
I found that getting involved in volunteer work was a great place to make friends.
I found that getting involved in volunteer work was a great place to make friends.
Volunteering is a good place to make friends
I have started but am still very quiet
It can be slow to get to know people but it does help
Another good idea for those of us with severe SA
Last edited by SimplyE; 06-19-2017 at 06:35 PM. Reason: add words to make it understandable
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Lomond, Alberta
Posts: 20
An "oldtimer" drew me into service work. He got me involved in an entertainment committee and the next thing you knew, I was fully involved and had a host of new friends. I realize you are introverted, but taking a small step in getting involved might be helpful?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
