sweetichick

I finally worked out that my ex was just using me for money this time. I got an interest free loan and cleared out all my debts.He was painting the house inside and kept trying to drag it out to get more money. I told him I have to keep on top of my debts from now on. We had a big fight. He is now not talking to me. I couldn't cope with being treated like a piece of scum anymore. It's been four days now and I picked up drinking again. I couldn't cope with the pain of being so stupid. After today I can't afford to drink. Scared of bad withdrawals. Was up all night terrified of being alone. In a really bad place.

sweetichick

Of course I could go knocking on his door and offer money but I am not doing that.

Dee74

I'm sorry you're in a bad place although I think it's great you paid off your debts and cut yourself away from your ex.

In a way it's probably good you have no money for booze.

Where are you with AA right now? yay or nay?

D

sweetichick

It's a nay ATM. I'm so anxious can barely do anything. I'm scared of running into my old sponsor.

Dee74

Yeah...you need to work out something better to do than buy booze when you feel overwhelmed though.

Maybe you should look into Rational Recovery then - no meetings.

Google 'Rational Recovery'

D

sweetichick

Ok thanks Dee. Will do.

tomsteve

if you allow fear to keep controlling you, you wont stop drinking.

Love and Fear as Opposites

Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there. I dont know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly indicates clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself. I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the mere presence of it made me a coward. I didnt know that one of the definitions of courage is the willingness to do the right thing in spite of fear. Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.

sweetichick, arent you tired of the excuses of why you cant________?


whats the worst an old sponsor can do?
whats the worst an old sponsor can say?
absolutely nothing worse than you have done or said to yourself.
and there aint nothin but good thats gonna happen if you run into your old sponsor.
but i dont think youre afraid of your running into your old sponsor.

Nowsthetime

Hi SC!

I am sorry that you are struggling. I agree with Dee about looking into RR and AVRT. Did you look it up? It has been mentioned before.

The AV will mask itself with that fear, use it and manipulate it.

This is your life. How do you want it to be?

Why do you say you were being treated like scum? Because of the silent treatment? He is using that to manipulate you too, don't let him.

It's a vicious circle. You drink so you feel like scum, he treats you badly so it confirms the scum feeling, then you drink...

Break this cycle!

You can do it!!!!

sweetichick

He was constantly belittling me. He reckoned I had aboriginal in me which is total crap as I am as white as a ghost. He did crazy artwork with paint in my toilet which needs painting over. I bought new clothes and he made mean comments. I couldn't cook in front of him because he would just carry on that I was doing it wrong. This has all been in the past week. That's all besides the money thing. I'm only saying all this in the hope with some support I can break this horrible cycle. Wine has run out. I googled rational recovery. Just can't absorb it.

Mizzuno

What does having aboriginal in you have anything to do with anything? Is this a racist thing? Im having a hard time following.

Its good that you dont have wine. Perhaps you may want to do something other than listening to yourself and what you think works? There are many many methods to getting sober that have helped so many people. Take one of them and run with it. Post here before drinking or using. Take a step that is different from any other previous steps.

You can do this!

Nowsthetime

People do to us what we allow them them to do.

Don't allow this. This is unacceptable and you will not put up with it anymore.

This person n brings you nothing positive. He is toxic for you. Please close that door and love yourself.

You are the boss of your life!

FreedomCA

It's too bad that you started drinking again over this. It seems that the arguing between your husband and you triggers sadness and anxiety, which then triggers your drinking. It's also too bad that your husband cannot be more sensitive to the fact that you are trying to quit drinking and keep the fighting to a minimum.

Anna

Sweeti, I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. Maybe you could sit down and come up with some ideas for what to do when you are triggered to drink, because it will happen. And, if you are prepared, you will be able to get through it.

AnvilheadII

why do you let this creep have such control over you? what does he OFFER you that is GOOD?

i worry that perhaps you are rapidly loosing the ability to conduct your affairs without some type of intervention. can you connect with mental health services in your area?

tomsteve

sweetichick, youre typing about your EX here, right?
idk how things are in different parts of the world or in others' lives, but in my life my exes are exes and not currents. there are a few( thatsa lie- it was ALL of them) that wouldnt allow want contact with me even though ive changed.
there are a few since ive been sober i would NOT allow on my property.

nowsthetime hit something very impoirtant:
who is allowing your ex to say and act that way in your house?
and drinking hasnt solved it, has it? seems drinking has prolonged the prolem

PurpleKnight

You can do this Sweetichick, get a plan together and make Sobriety a reality!!

sweetichick

Thanks for the replies. Today is day 1. I slept ok just needed some reassurance late at night that I was doing the right thing for myself and sobriety. I can't control what my ex does very well once I let him in the house. So door staying shut on him. I was definitely drinking to cope with him. Now I am free and can focus on sobriety. I hate the time difference btw.

tomsteve

good on ya,sweetichick!
please be forwarned,though, that you doing the right thing( which you definatly did) and are keeping the door shut on him, but that doesnt mean he thinks thats the case at this time. it reads like he will be back around.
"NO" is a complete sentence.
you dont have to engage.
how about changing the locks?
can ya file some form of restraining order?

oh, and howz about that AA youve mentioned a time or 4 that you were gonna go back to?

sweetichick

You posted just what I was thinking. I may need a restraining order. He's just doing silent treatment in his mind.

I will definitely go back to AA for the face to face contact with other alcoholic s.

Mattq2

Good for you sweetchik we are here for you.