Dealing with emotional pain with no alcohol
 

As hard as it is for me at this very moment to write this I need to. I hope that when you read this you'll get something positive out of it that you can use to help combat thoughts of drinking when you're dealing with pain.

I had to put my cat down last night. He was 10 and had contracted diabetes. I had no issue with administering the shots that we were going to have to give daily or what we were going to have to do to monitor his levels. The problem is he wasn't dealing well with the insulin and things were getting worse. Last night when I gave him his shot of insulin it was clear that things were not moving in the right direction. He could barely walk, he had no control of his hind end, and he began howling on and off. It's because the dose was too high because of his lack of eating. I could get into this more but I don't want to write a book and it's not my point. What was coming for him on Monday was going to be more for him to go through. He was going to be admitted and a feeding tube inserted along with them rehydrating him. Life was just not going to be good. Plus, what I was witnessing last night was like watching him go through torture so I knew the time had come.

The reason I'm writing this is because I can't even begin to describe the pain I'm feeling right now. It's horrendous. There is a hole in my heart and an emptiness in this house that are killing me. I am devastated.

I have been through this before with my cat that was 20. At that point in my life I was still drinking. I used alcohol to numb myself when I knew the time was coming. I used alcohol to put off what was inevitable, which caused my kitty more pain than necessary because I was being selfish rather than doing the right thing. Finally, I used alcohol once she was gone to deaden the pain further.

I sit here and reflect on that point in my life. The difference in the pain from that time and now. One thing is very clear to me. Although alcohol helped me to escape the reality of what happened it also greatly delayed the healing that I needed to do in order to get back to what would become the new normal.

I sit here and reflect on my cat and what he had to go through and what I am going through right now. With as much pain as I'm in I am so grateful that I no longer drink. I know that I am dealing with a lot and feeling a lot right now but I also know that allowing myself to deal with this sober is going to get me back to the new normal far more quickly than holding on to the pain by delaying the healing through drinking.

Alcohol does not help in tough times. On the contrary, it keeps you from dealing with what you need to in order to heal. Please remember this the next time something devastating happens. Alcohol is only going to stop you from moving past the intense pain.

In memory of Waffles who has crossed the Rainbow Bridge and runs free in the fields. No more pain.

Hi Lady.....

I am so sorry to hear about your beloved pet
Waffles and the feelings of letting him go.

I took went thru the same similar situation
a few yrs back too. Like you, I came here to
share what I was going thru and looking for
comfort, understanding, care, concern and
support from my SR family.

Sure enough you guys were here for me.

Now, we are here for you so you don't
have to feel alone while going thru this
process and experience.

What I'm truly grateful for was that I
had my husband who had more pets
than I ever had in the past and went
them passing away, so he had the wisdom,
experience, and strength to share with
me and help me during that difficult
emotional time.

He reminded me that Lucky and Gus my
2 loveable cats I had for many yrs, that
they would never have a good quality of
life like they had before getting old. That
they didn't deserve to suffer and be in
pain. So letting them go was the best decision
to make and we did.

Emotional pain is difficult but with each
passing day sober, and support from others
who have gone thru the same similar
situation as you you will grow and get
stronger.

You, I and many others will always have
our wonderful memories of our fur babies
to remain with us forever. :)

God Bless you and Waffles.

Sorry to hear about your cat - its devastating losing a pet, I wish you well

So sorry for you right now, really feeling your pain.

I know what your talking about as I lost my beloved dog in January.Had her for 11 wonderful years ! I was still drinking at that point and I don't think I got out of bed much for the first week. Was so heartbroken but as you said, the guilt and shame of the drinking probably made it worse and it did accelerate the drinking - infact it's taken me until June to come out of that particular mess.

Without drinking, I can think back now more clearly and while I will always miss my best friend, I also realise that you have to deal with the pain without that "prop". Taken me forever to work that out.

I understand your message completely, thank you.

Hope you have good people around you for support.

Hi Ladyblue, I'm so sorry about your cat. Our pets are our best friends and it's so heartbreaking when they pass. I can't even think about the day I lose my dog, she's getting on in years and I tear up just thinking about it. Hard as it is to feel the grief I'm glad you are sober while you go through this. I lost a cat years ago and I cried for a week, he was such a little character and there was such an absence in my home without him. Pets give us such authentic and unconditional love, it's a shame they don't live as long as we do so we can have our whole lives together. Take care of yourself xx

Very sorry for your loss, Lady. It never gets easier.

:tyou

A post fitting in memory of Waffles, very sorry to hear of your loss Lady!! :hug:

Hi Lady Blue

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is something unbelievably painful about losing a beloved pet. I'm not exactly sure what makes it so, maybe their innocence, trust and utter dependence on us for survival. But it is unique.

I had to put my dog down in March. What made it even worse was I had to do it because of behavioral issues, not health issues. It was years in the making. He was also my late husbands dog....sigh. Words can't describe the pain, guilt. I have never, ever cried like that before. Ever. Over anything.

I believe part of my alcoholic personality is to awfulize. To beat myself up. To question my decisions. To play bad experiences over and over in an effort to find a way to work drinking into the equation. Through this experience I had to learn not to do this. I had to forgive myself. Show compassion for myself and realize I had an impossible decision to make and I had to make it alone. It was a learning experience because normally I would find a way to beat myself bloody over it.

Now when my mind tries to revisit the event in any way that brings up pain, guilt and sadness I stop myself. Remind myself I did something that had to be done. That he didn't suffer. And that he is reunited with my husband in a better place. And then I remember how much I loved him.

You made the difficult, 'right' decision. RIP Waffles. I'll light a candle for your sweet kitty.

Waffles is a great pet name. Life on life's terms isn't easy at times - thanks for leading from the front in your time of sorrow.

Lady, I am so very sorry to hear of your beloved kitty's passing. Dealing with it sober means dealing with it. A gift of sobriety.

Take good care, dear lady.

Oh LadyBlue, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Waffles. Waffles is in a place of peace and I know he would want that for you, too.

Hello LadyBlue,
I'm so sorry that you have lost your beloved Waffles. Thank you for your words of wisdom about dealing with emotional pain in sobriety, they helped me a great deal. Take care of yourself as you grieve.

Hi LadyBlue, I also lost many pets over the years. When the pain gets to great remember that the love you had for your cat helped you do the right thing in the end and that should give you some peace.

Sending you a hug. I've had to say good-bye to seven dogsand five cats and it never, ever gets any easier.

You did the right thing, the brave thing, in trading your pain in losing him for releasing him from his.

But oh, I know how it hurts.

I am so sorry for your loss. Waffles is in a better place now and you will also get to a better place with this decision in time. We are here for you.

It is good that you came here for support and that you are not drinking to numb yourself.

Hugs and comfort to you in this time.

I have had many animal companions throughout my life and, of course, I have said good bye to them all.
I have come to feel that it is a good thing that humans live so much longer than cats and dogs, because it allows us so many opportunities to love the animals in our lives at a given time.
I don't run out and replace. I grieve. I mourn. I accept.
When I am ready, I adopt.
Always a rescue, or two.
Sometimes this process takes a few weeks, sometimes months.
I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet kitty Waffles, Lady.
There is a lit candle on my porch in his memory.
Peace and good thoughts.

LadyBlue - my sincere sympathy. It can be such a sharp and intense grief. Wishing you the comfort of loving and happy memories. :hug:

I am so sorry to hear about your beloved Waffles, LadyBlue.

Hugs to you.

Thank you so much everyone for the kind words.

It was hard to even post about it but I had to in hopes that I help someone.

To realize that although nothing will ever make a decision like this easy, that the absence of alcohol in dealing with the grief has been the difference between total, gripping devastation like I experienced with my first kitty, to one of allowing the feeling of pain and reflection which will expedite healing. I hung on to every last bit of grief for a long time with my first cat. Today, although I have the crying jags I also reflect on the happy and hilarious cat he was and the joy he brought to us. I feel the healing begin.



:hug: