What was it that finally made it "click"?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
What was it that finally made it "click"?
I am only 3-plus weeks in, but this time feels different. I'm trying to analyze why, and I wondered if others of you could share your reasons, or set of circumstances, that finally made quitting "click".
Several of you have said that once you finally decided you truly wanted to be sober more than you wanted to drink, it was easy. I never really understood that until now. It seems so simple, but I get it. This time, it's been like a switch has been flipped. Instead of white-knuckling it and being miserable and feeling sorry for myself, I'm actually excited about what's ahead.
Of course, I'm not going to get complacent, but I feel calmer and more determined this time, more able to stay the course, because I have "chosen" this path, rather than just trying to "deprive" myself, or give something up, which was always incredibly difficult and never lasted.
I've seen enough episodes of the TV show "Intervention" to know that no one threat, or set of consequences, can necessarily be a magic bullet, but this time there were some differences for me:
One was that two of my kids called me out. My identity and role as a mother is one of the most important things to me, and I thought I was doing my self-harm in secret. The realization that it was registering with my kids was an epiphany.
This also was the first time I took the step of speaking up in a group.. to you all, here.. and putting my problem in words, expressing explicitly and owning up to them.
Doggonecarl said something to me in one of my early posts, about how I was "drinking in secret and trying to recover in secret and that was never going to work." That was huge. (Thank you, doggonecarl.)
I also think thinking about this might be a help for those of you who think your drinking "isn't THAT bad" (comparing yourself to others) to act NOW rather than later, when consequences, shame, logic or even threats have increasinly less chance of making an impression on you.
Thank you again for this forum, and especially to you moderators.
Several of you have said that once you finally decided you truly wanted to be sober more than you wanted to drink, it was easy. I never really understood that until now. It seems so simple, but I get it. This time, it's been like a switch has been flipped. Instead of white-knuckling it and being miserable and feeling sorry for myself, I'm actually excited about what's ahead.
Of course, I'm not going to get complacent, but I feel calmer and more determined this time, more able to stay the course, because I have "chosen" this path, rather than just trying to "deprive" myself, or give something up, which was always incredibly difficult and never lasted.
I've seen enough episodes of the TV show "Intervention" to know that no one threat, or set of consequences, can necessarily be a magic bullet, but this time there were some differences for me:
One was that two of my kids called me out. My identity and role as a mother is one of the most important things to me, and I thought I was doing my self-harm in secret. The realization that it was registering with my kids was an epiphany.
This also was the first time I took the step of speaking up in a group.. to you all, here.. and putting my problem in words, expressing explicitly and owning up to them.
Doggonecarl said something to me in one of my early posts, about how I was "drinking in secret and trying to recover in secret and that was never going to work." That was huge. (Thank you, doggonecarl.)
I also think thinking about this might be a help for those of you who think your drinking "isn't THAT bad" (comparing yourself to others) to act NOW rather than later, when consequences, shame, logic or even threats have increasinly less chance of making an impression on you.
Thank you again for this forum, and especially to you moderators.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: London
Posts: 2,040
Congratulations tealily on your sobriety 💜
I absolutely echo your thoughts regarding the difference between 'white knuckling' vs choosing and embracing sobriety. That is the difference for me this time. Last time (my only other real attempt at sobriety) I still held a belief deep down that alcohol would improve/enhance social events and special occassions...I felt I would miss out at such events or that special occasions wouldn't be 'special' without alcohol. So I drank. I ruined these events and occassions for myself because the reality did not live up to what my AV had told me. These experiences dispelled the lie, and now I truly know that alcohol has nothing that I want or need. Sobriety has so much more to offer me than alcohol ever did...I intend to thrive in my sobriety 😊
Wishing you well on the rest of your recovery journey x
I absolutely echo your thoughts regarding the difference between 'white knuckling' vs choosing and embracing sobriety. That is the difference for me this time. Last time (my only other real attempt at sobriety) I still held a belief deep down that alcohol would improve/enhance social events and special occassions...I felt I would miss out at such events or that special occasions wouldn't be 'special' without alcohol. So I drank. I ruined these events and occassions for myself because the reality did not live up to what my AV had told me. These experiences dispelled the lie, and now I truly know that alcohol has nothing that I want or need. Sobriety has so much more to offer me than alcohol ever did...I intend to thrive in my sobriety 😊
Wishing you well on the rest of your recovery journey x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
The reasons and set of circumstances that made quitting "click":
I was physically sick from alcohol and afraid of the consequences.
I was making very large mistakes under the influence.
Blacking out on occasions.
I was mentally dependent on alcohol.
I lost my energy and desire to run or take care of myself.
I was hungover everyday.
I was waking up in the morning and crying over what I was doing to myself.
I was ashamed of myself.
I was bloating.
I was emotionally damaging myself.
I was mentally losing myself.
I had anxiety everyday.
My kidneys were hurting
I was spending a LOT of money on alcohol.
I was not getting along with my SO
I was not who I wanted to be and I was deeply afraid that I would never get there.
I only have this day to stay sober and I cannot think about tomorrow. I do know that if I pick up again, I will die. Maybe not literally but I will lose myself and this to me is a death that I cannot encounter. I was not put here on this earth to waste myself in an alcoholic manner. I was put here to learn my lessons, to love, to give and .......there is so much more.
I have relapsed multiple times. I only have today. So far those "today's" are almost at 3 months. Its not much but its something. Ive got a lot of work to do.
I was physically sick from alcohol and afraid of the consequences.
I was making very large mistakes under the influence.
Blacking out on occasions.
I was mentally dependent on alcohol.
I lost my energy and desire to run or take care of myself.
I was hungover everyday.
I was waking up in the morning and crying over what I was doing to myself.
I was ashamed of myself.
I was bloating.
I was emotionally damaging myself.
I was mentally losing myself.
I had anxiety everyday.
My kidneys were hurting
I was spending a LOT of money on alcohol.
I was not getting along with my SO
I was not who I wanted to be and I was deeply afraid that I would never get there.
I only have this day to stay sober and I cannot think about tomorrow. I do know that if I pick up again, I will die. Maybe not literally but I will lose myself and this to me is a death that I cannot encounter. I was not put here on this earth to waste myself in an alcoholic manner. I was put here to learn my lessons, to love, to give and .......there is so much more.
I have relapsed multiple times. I only have today. So far those "today's" are almost at 3 months. Its not much but its something. Ive got a lot of work to do.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by tealily 
...once you finally decided you truly wanted to be sober more than you wanted to drink, it was easy.
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,759
I can pretty much ditto Mizzuno. But I had to get past my mental dependency. After I challenged myself thru that first week (In privacy BTW) I joined SR which gave me strength and determination and it just clicked.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by jazzfish
I always wrestled with this point. How does one change this from a statement of fact to actionable advice? And is it really a decision or more a deep realization? A realization that comes from pain, self-reflection, therapy, time, or...?
To contribute to the OP - (great post) - I was just DONE. I knew for the last six months of my drinking (so the latter part of 2015) that an "end" was coming. Death, or sobriety. Thank God, when I hit "that point" in my liver dr's office, and he told me (among other things in what I call the "sh*t talking to of my life"- wish I had it recorded!) I had a year, 18 mo to live if I didn't quit....I was DONE. I finished the vodka I had and quit the next day. I can't really explain why I was ready then and not at the bajillion moments before that would have stopped some people, but it took what it took.
And I haven't looked back from that choice. My recovery is my living, breathing way of life and I'd wish my life of sobriety with everything it entails on anyone.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
It's not until I was sober for awhile that the depths of my "just hurting myself problem " could really be viewed with some perspective. It was at that point I began to understand how drinking permeated every fiber of my life and every relationship I had. I cheated myself and others by sequestering the fruits of living in a bottle. Around 3/4 months some level of humility began and sobriety started to click. Till that point I really just wanted the consequences of my drinking to go away and be left alone. Grace changed that in my case.
When I turned from the why to the how the light turned on and the sober switch seemed to click.
I had to stay sober long enough to attain some self realization of truth - and the truth was I was an alcoholic which kills ourselves and soddens others spirits.
Good job on three weeks - keep it up.
When I turned from the why to the how the light turned on and the sober switch seemed to click.
I had to stay sober long enough to attain some self realization of truth - and the truth was I was an alcoholic which kills ourselves and soddens others spirits.
Good job on three weeks - keep it up.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
For me it was that the consequences started to outweigh the benefits. The hangovers were getting worse, I was drinking more and more to get that buzz I was looking for, my health was starting to suffer, my kids were starting to call me out on my behaviour, I was missing work, I was tired of hating myself and not being able to look at myself in the mirror. It just got to the point where it wasn't worth it anymore. I knew I had to quit for good, not one day at time, not a break to reset the clock, no moderation (not that I ever could). It had to end. Once I knew that it was set in stone, it was easy. I embraced sobriety and health and family and success and hope.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
There was an outside influence that made me wake up and realize that I was really in trouble on so many levels, and that was my third DUI. I had managed to quit for a little while and moderate somewhat after the first two, but inevitably I would return to the same patterns.
But the DUI was not the only thing that helped me "flip the switch." The main thing that did it for me was admitting to myself (and a group of very caring people in my first AA meeting a few days later) that I am an alcoholic. Just saying those words out loud for the first time flooded me with a feeling of such relief and hope. I surrendered completely at that moment. I knew there was a lot of work to be done, but that was when I felt I had really turned a corner. I began to see just how all-encompassing alcohol had been in my life - it was a wonder I wasn't alone, destitute, or dead. I was headed for jail - that was bad enough, thank you very much. I saw that I was not living the life I had envisioned for myself, and for the first time, I cared very much about that. I knew I'd never be the person I knew deep down I could be until I left drinking behind, once and for all.
So it started with the DUI, but that was only the catalyst. Admitting and surrendering - giving up any idea that I could ever drink normally - that was the real ah-ha moment.
But the DUI was not the only thing that helped me "flip the switch." The main thing that did it for me was admitting to myself (and a group of very caring people in my first AA meeting a few days later) that I am an alcoholic. Just saying those words out loud for the first time flooded me with a feeling of such relief and hope. I surrendered completely at that moment. I knew there was a lot of work to be done, but that was when I felt I had really turned a corner. I began to see just how all-encompassing alcohol had been in my life - it was a wonder I wasn't alone, destitute, or dead. I was headed for jail - that was bad enough, thank you very much. I saw that I was not living the life I had envisioned for myself, and for the first time, I cared very much about that. I knew I'd never be the person I knew deep down I could be until I left drinking behind, once and for all.
So it started with the DUI, but that was only the catalyst. Admitting and surrendering - giving up any idea that I could ever drink normally - that was the real ah-ha moment.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I had six months sober and then drank for two days. Waking up on the third day, I realized I was sick and tired of living that way. That was my last day one and I now have over seven years sober. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by least
I had six months sober and then drank for two days. Waking up on the third day, I realized I was sick and tired of living that way. That was my last day one and I now have over seven years sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
Dying 3 times from burns from blackout from booze
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Not sure anything made it click. I took a little different approach. I was 47 years old with 50 on the horizon. Based on the ages of my grandparents passing, I'm probably entering the final 1/3 of my life. The final phase. I owed it to myself to make a wholesale lifestyle change. I owed it to myself to try and live up to my potential once again. I owed it to my wife to be a good husband. These things are more important to me than booze, so I made the switch. It was hard in the beginning, I am a creature of habit and drinking was my habit.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
I finally realized I had to stop looking at sobriety as a punishment. I began to tell myself daily that my life (& the lives of those around me) is infinitely better when I'm sober than when I'm drunk.
Then I allowed myself to grieve the loss of what I (still) perceived to be an old friend. This may sound odd, but that was important for me. I thanked alcohol for giving me all that it did (both the very good and easpecially the very bad). Alcohol brought me to that moment on August 15, 2014 where I made the decision to take back control of my life & my destiny. It served its purpose in my life and now it was time to say goodbye. Finding gratitude in the crappy times of life has always played a big role in my healing. This was no different.
A good friend from here once said, "I don't eat veal. It's just not something I do. But I don't spend all day pining away for one last taste or try to figure out how I can moderate eating veal. Alcohol is the same thing. I don't drink. It's just not something I do." After that it was just that simple for me. Even now when I get the occasional craving I tell myself, " You don't eat veal and you don't drink alcohol." It's my reminder that it's just not a part of who I am.
I completely understand it's not that easy for everyone - I'm one of the very, very lucky ones. I NEVER take that for granted.
CONGRATS on 3 weeks!! That's amazing!!
Then I allowed myself to grieve the loss of what I (still) perceived to be an old friend. This may sound odd, but that was important for me. I thanked alcohol for giving me all that it did (both the very good and easpecially the very bad). Alcohol brought me to that moment on August 15, 2014 where I made the decision to take back control of my life & my destiny. It served its purpose in my life and now it was time to say goodbye. Finding gratitude in the crappy times of life has always played a big role in my healing. This was no different.
A good friend from here once said, "I don't eat veal. It's just not something I do. But I don't spend all day pining away for one last taste or try to figure out how I can moderate eating veal. Alcohol is the same thing. I don't drink. It's just not something I do." After that it was just that simple for me. Even now when I get the occasional craving I tell myself, " You don't eat veal and you don't drink alcohol." It's my reminder that it's just not a part of who I am.
I completely understand it's not that easy for everyone - I'm one of the very, very lucky ones. I NEVER take that for granted.
CONGRATS on 3 weeks!! That's amazing!!
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