Hi Im new here looking for support
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,718
Welcome to SR!
Don't think of it as an end but, rather think of it as a new beginning. If you change your thoughts you change your world. This is wonderful because you are now free to live the life you want without anyone holding you back!
Start smiling and the world smiles back at you!
Don't think of it as an end but, rather think of it as a new beginning. If you change your thoughts you change your world. This is wonderful because you are now free to live the life you want without anyone holding you back!
Start smiling and the world smiles back at you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 13
I think I came to the realisation that he will probably never recover.. Hes been an amphetamine addict for upwards of 8 years. Suffered a psychotic break and was diagnosed with drug induced pyschosis and still continued to use daily.
Its sad when you care more for there welfare than they do
Its sad when you care more for there welfare than they do
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family. I know it's painful, but I think you're smart to let him go. When they don't care what happens to them, there's no way for us to make up for that. 
Lean on us for support.
We also have a friends and family forum for those dealing with an addict.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I know it's painful, but I think you're smart to let him go. When they don't care what happens to them, there's no way for us to make up for that. 
Lean on us for support.
We also have a friends and family forum for those dealing with an addict.Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Originally Posted by Whichwaytoturn 
Thanks for pointing me in the right direction. Had a bad night last night. Finding it increasingly difficult to not step in and help. Need to stay strong.
Watching them fall to pieces is hard.
Watching them fall to pieces is hard.
The difficult challenge is that until the addict/alcoholic is ready to find sobriety and recovery, there is nothing you can do. The addict/alcoholic must do the work (I know: I am an alcoholic in recovery)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 13
Im finding my biggest challenge at the moment is understanding the difference between asking for help and manipulation.
He was messaging me constantly last night asking me to get him hospitalised.
Its not my place to do that. And I dont know ifs a genuine request or manipulation.
Has anyone here involved an addicted persons family. Spoke to their parents for example. Should I ask them to help him?
He was messaging me constantly last night asking me to get him hospitalised.
Its not my place to do that. And I dont know ifs a genuine request or manipulation.
Has anyone here involved an addicted persons family. Spoke to their parents for example. Should I ask them to help him?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Call an ambulance to wherever he lives. Tell the operator his situation and they'll send the cops followed by medical if he's safe to be transported via ambulance.
You have the messages to prove he was asking for hospitalization. He made it your place by asking it of you.
You have the messages to prove he was asking for hospitalization. He made it your place by asking it of you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi whichwaytoturn
I agree with you - if he's an ex, it's not your place to do any of that.
I know that can come across as callous to some but I really believe that sometimes for our own sake we have to move on .
It might even help your ex to sort out his own mess too?
D
I agree with you - if he's an ex, it's not your place to do any of that.
I know that can come across as callous to some but I really believe that sometimes for our own sake we have to move on .
It might even help your ex to sort out his own mess too?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 13
He ended the relationship so I dont believe its my place to do that.
What I find hard is when your receiving messages asking for help how do you know whether its genuine or manipulation.
He is staying with a family member so surely if hes in their presence messaging me such things they must be able to see it and help him. Or is it just for my benefit and he seems fine to them.
I love him and holding back the urge to just hug him and tell him everything will be ok is so hard but I know Im doing the best thing for us both.
He has already hit the ground with a big bang this past week since we split. Its hard to see.
What I find hard is when your receiving messages asking for help how do you know whether its genuine or manipulation.
He is staying with a family member so surely if hes in their presence messaging me such things they must be able to see it and help him. Or is it just for my benefit and he seems fine to them.
I love him and holding back the urge to just hug him and tell him everything will be ok is so hard but I know Im doing the best thing for us both.
He has already hit the ground with a big bang this past week since we split. Its hard to see.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
He is an adult, yes?
I understand he has an addiction, but he's not being held anywhere against his will without access to the many resources available to help him fight this.
He simply does not need YOU specifically to do anything for him. If he were truly motivated to get help, there is no obstacle that would be able to prevent him from getting it. At the very least, NA and AA meetings are free.
To me, it rings of manipulation. Good for you for staying inside your own hula hoop.
I understand he has an addiction, but he's not being held anywhere against his will without access to the many resources available to help him fight this.
He simply does not need YOU specifically to do anything for him. If he were truly motivated to get help, there is no obstacle that would be able to prevent him from getting it. At the very least, NA and AA meetings are free.
To me, it rings of manipulation. Good for you for staying inside your own hula hoop.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
What I find hard is when your receiving messages asking for help how do you know whether its genuine or manipulation.
I think you're making healthy decisions here - if you're your exes only hope for help, he needs to widen that support net.
D
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